TWE023 第一次写请高手评分~~

xiuxiu_lynn · 发表于 2005-2-21 20:09:00

准备5月考托，从来没写过托福作文，也没背过模板就这么写了，肯定很烂，请高手指点一下咯~~字数应该够了吧？？！！

023 In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Nowadays, many students are taking part time jobs. In fact it is quite prevailing in some countries like USA. But whether teenagers should have jobs while they are still students becomes a controversial issue. What I believe is that it is necessary for teenagers to have part time jobs.

The first reason is that teenagers can develop the awareness of dealing with money through making money on their own. They will come to understand how difficult earning money is. Once they receive their reward for their hardworking, they’ll spend it carefully, not wasting a single penny. In my country China, most families only have one kid due to the government’s policy. Parents tend to spoil their kids and they don’t even let them do any housework, not to mention getting a job. So what is the result of that? We have more and more little princes and princesses who have never done any housework, who never notice how their parents devoted themselves to bring up the kids and who have always been wasting their parents’ money. But if a kid has experienced the harshness of making money, will he still be that spoiled? Absolutely not!

The second reason is that it is good for teenagers to learn about the society earlier. When you have a job, you will meet different kinds of people in the society. It is totally different from your little society at school. In the real society, you have to deal with people with various backgrounds and all walks of life. Imagine when a university graduate who has no working experience suddenly step into this messy society, how awkward will he be? Based on this point, I think having part time jobs is a very good preparation for future career.

All in all, I think having a job can help teenagers to understand the hardness of making money and make preparations for their future career. Teenagers are a very sensitive group of people, so it’s the best time to shape their values. That’s why I believe that teenagers should have jobs while they are still students.

xiuxiu_lynn · 发表于 2005-2-22 11:41:00

没人吗？我自己来顶一记~~

soaring · 发表于 2005-2-23 13:26:00

以下是引用xiuxiu_lynn在2005-2-21 20:09:00的发言：

准备5月考托，从来没写过托福作文，也没背过模板就这么写了，肯定很烂，请高手指点一下咯~~字数应该够了吧？？！！

023 In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Nowadays, many students are taking part time jobs. In fact it is quite prevailing in some countries like USA. But whether teenagers should have jobs while they are still students becomes a controversial issue. What I believe is that it is necessary for teenagers to have part time jobs.(the begining is good!)

The first reason is that teenagers can develop the awareness of dealing with money through making money on their own. They will come to understand how difficult earning money is. Once they receive their reward for their hardworking, they’ll spend it carefully, not wasting a single penny. In my country China, most families only have one kid due to the government’s policy. Parents tend to spoil their kids and they don’t even let them do any housework, not to mention getting a job. So what is the result of that? We have more and more little princes and princesses who have never done any housework, who never notice how their parents devoted themselves to bring up the kids and who have always been wasting their parents’ money. But if a kid has experienced the harshness of making money, will he still be that spoiled? Absolutely not!

The second reason is that it is good for teenagers to learn about the society earlier. When you have a job, you will meet different kinds of people in the society. It is totally different from your little society at school. In the real society, you have to deal with people with various backgrounds and all walks of life. Imagine when a university graduate who has no working experience suddenly step into this messy society, how awkward will he be? Based on this point, I think having part time jobs is a very good preparation for future career.

All in all, I think having a job can help teenagers to understand the hardness of making money and make preparations for their future career. Teenagers are a very sensitive group of people, so it’s the best time to shape their values. That’s why I believe that teenagers should have jobs while they are still students.

MM, good essay!!

pay attention to that in TWE, you should write standard English, that is, they'll should be they will; it's should be it is.

Good luck and Happy TWE!

xiuxiu_lynn · 发表于 2005-2-24 09:47:00

thanks for your advice~~~I WILL pay attention to it!

xiuxiu_lynn · 发表于 2005-2-24 09:52:00

再请问soaring，这篇文章大概能得几分哪？

soaring · 发表于 2005-2-24 11:45:00

5, I think

TWE023 第一次写请高手评分~~