risedream作文习作帖，期盼拍砖，越多越好(^_^)

risedream · 发表于 2014-1-18 23:50:19

先暂时全是开头，过两天发全部作文。第一次练，请前辈们不要介意，多多指教，谢谢！
2014.1.18

1. Nowadays it’s easier to maintain health than the past.

Health, is the most important things in people’s life. Nothing can be done without having a good body. Work, study, entertainment.... Everything is out of the question. It has always been defined as the priority before anything. There’s a recent debate that goes hot in public today about whether we are more healthy nowadays. Although people from the past can care for them a lot, the technology now and the thorough research made by professional nuitrition lists can easily outweigh the poor knoledge from the past. When it comes to me, i would choose without hesitation that we can easily maintain health now.

2 getting advice from friends who are older than you is more valuable than getting advice from friends your same age.

Friends, is a kind existance that can influence us in knoledge and can pass on good virtues. To be with good friends can get really good thoughts and learn valuable things that we probably never would have seen of our own age. A recent pressing argue about whether people can learn more from older friends. A part of my friends holds to the idea that it’s better to get advice from friends of our same age due to the non-limited relationship between same-aged students. In my opinion, i would prefer to get advice from senior friends. I will explain my point of view in the following examples.

risedream · 发表于 2014-1-18 23:55:34

2014.1.18。
题目：大学生是否不必到学校上课，只要参加考试就行了?

In personal thought and experience, I would say that I don’t agree to the idea of student’s only show up at the test and not extending school.A research last spring at a university has shown that students who finish their courses could earn much credit then the students who doesn’t tend classes fairly. I know a lot of students can learn their classes ahead of regular process. Then they would develope an idea that the rest of the classes were a lack of their talents. The truth is, they weren’t. I will exhibit my view of this question in the following lecture.

The knoledge nowadays are not what they were use to be. They had developed more deeply, more widely. If a students only sat on what he or she had already got, they can never get what a profesional expert in a perticular area’s wisdom, they would never know the hidden mistery behind the words revealed to you. There is a movie in 2010 called”homeless to harvard”. The little homeless girl called Lizzy has an erge to absorb everything taught or given. Her teacher didn’t just go with the things textbook says, he can jump out of the ring where a textbook is claimed to be the only justice. Take history for example. Lizzy’s teacher taught her what history really is deep down. I believe that is not something a textbook can make a thorough explination.

There is one thing that’s pretty important to students in the university——credits. We all know quiet well that you can only graduate if you earn enough credit. Where does the credits come from? From sociel activities and from school apperearences. Somebody on facebook once made a census that can tell us how much does the credits in school weigh in the whole school credit rules system. The results showed that the credits you earn by making speeches on class or the interaction between one student and his or her professor takes a percentage about 50 percent. So the students that are leaning to not going to school will face a difficult matter: Where do you get your credit?

Of course, one can get plenty of benefit by staying at home. You can have the choice of deciding what you learn and when do you learn without any interferences. It can lower the grade of disterbence to the lowest and a choiceble form to fix a plan that suited one’s own habit.Plus, staying at home can go with further learning of the things ahead of other children.It has the sensiblity of being selective ,of being in the lead in the studies. But all these benefits can be found in a classroom, and you can seek more from that. If you want to be academicly professional, I still sugest you to take your classes true minded.

Again, I really lean to erge the students to take their classes with a humble mind.

铁板神猴 · 发表于 2014-1-20 02:26:37

1st edit on language

2014.1.18

1. Nowadays it’s easier to maintain health than the past.

Health, is the most important things in people’s life. Nothing can be done without having a good body. Work, study, entertainment.... Everything is out of the question. It has always been defined as the priority before anything. There’s a recent debate that goes hot in public today about whether we are more healthy nowadays. Although people from the past can care for them a lot, the technology now and the thorough research made by professional nuitrition lists can easily outweigh the poor knoledge from the past. When it comes to me, i would choose without hesitation that we can easily maintain health now.

edited:
Health is one of the most important things in people’s life. It is out of question that almost everything, including work, study, entertainment, etc., cannot be done without first having a good body. It has always been defined as a top priority. There’s a recent debate that goes hot in public about whether we are healthier or not nowadays. Although people from the past can care for them a lot [actually what do you mean?], the modern technology and researches made by professional nuitritionists can easily outweigh the poor knowledge from the past. When it comes to me, I would decide without hesitation that we can easily maintain health now.

2 getting advice from friends who are older than you is more valuable than getting advice from friends your same age.

Friends, is a kind existance that can influence us in knoledge and can pass on good virtues. To be with good friends can get really good thoughts and learn valuable things that we probably never would have seen of our own age. A recent pressing argue about whether people can learn more from older friends. A part of my friends holds to the idea that it’s better to get advice from friends of our same age due to the non-limited relationship between same-aged students. In my opinion, i would prefer to get advice from senior friends. I will explain my point of view in the following examples.

edited:
Friends are a kind existance that influences us not only on knowledge, but also on virtues. To be with good friends can offer you good thoughts and valuable things that we probably never would have seen of our own age. A recent pressing arguement is about whether people can learn more from older friends or not. A part of my friends hold the idea that it’s better to get advice from friends of our same age due to the non-limited relationship between same-aged students. In my opinion, I would prefer to get advice from senior friends. I will explain my point of view in the following examples.

超级无敌小鹤鹤 · 发表于 2014-1-22 09:42:52

In personal thought and experience, I would say that I don’t agree to the idea of[that] student’s[students] can only show up at the test and not[without] extending school.A research last spring at a university[You'd better name the university, or they will think you just fake it!] has shown that students who finish their courses could earn much[more] credit then[than] the students who doesn’t tend classes fairly.[Sorry but i don't think who finish their courses and who doesn't tend classes can be compared, since finish courses only means you pass the finial test, no matter whether you tend the class fairly or not!] I know a lot of students can learn their classes ahead of regular process. Then they would develope an idea that the rest of the classes were[are nothing but] a lack of their talents. The truth is, they weren’t.[But this idea is absolutely mistaken!] I will exhibit my view of this question in the following lecture.

The knowledges nowadays are not what they were used to be. They had[have] developed more deeply and more widely. If a students only sat on what he or she had already got, they can never get what a profesional expert in a perticular area’s wisdom,and of course they would never know the hidden mistery behind the words revealed to you. There is a movie in 2010 called”homeless to harvard”. The little homeless girl called Lizzy has an erge to absorb everything taught or given. Her teacher didn’t just go with the things textbook says, but somethimes he can[also] jump out of the ring where a textbook is claimed to be the only justice. Take history for example. Lizzy’s teacher taught her what history really is deep down. I believe that is not something a textbook can make a thorough explination.[I believe this is somthing that a testbook can hardly make a thorough explanation]

There is one thing that’s pretty important to students in the university——credits. We all know quiet well that you can only graduate if you earn enough credit. Where does the credits come from? From sociel activities and from school apperearences. Somebody on facebook once made a census that can tell us how much does the credits in school weigh in the whole school credit rules system. The results showed that the credits you earn by making speeches on class or the interaction between one student and his or her professor takes a percentage about 50 percent. So the students that are leaning to not going to school will face a difficult matter: Where do you get your credit?[OK, here is the problem——the university will give youthe credit of one course if you pass the final test, that means even if you don't attend the class, you can still get the credit. So this paragraph is actually meanless. I think you should change the idea, or you can change your express like: not attend class sometimes will affect your finally score, make a risk that you fail to pass the test!]

Of course, one can get plenty of benefit by staying at home. You can have the choice of deciding what you learn and when do you learn without any interferences. It can lower the grade of disterbence to the lowest and a choiceble form to fix a plan that suited one’s own habit.Plus, staying at home can go with further learning of the things ahead of other children.It has the sensiblity of being selective ,of being in the lead in the studies. But all these benefits can be found in a classroom, and you can seek more from that. If you want to be academicly professional, I still sugest you to take your classes true minded.[Although in the finally of the paragraph you show that these benefits can all be got in classroom, you still need more reasons to support your idea, I think it will be better if you can further meantion some problems that home study has!]

Again, I really lean to erge the students to take their classes with a humble mind.

铁板神猴 · 发表于 2014-1-22 18:02:00

超级无敌小鹤鹤发表于 2014-1-22 09:42
In personal thought and experience, I would say that I don’t agree to the idea of[that] student’s[ ...

Good edit! Crane Crane.

on the last paragraph, maybe it's not appropriate to use "lean to do". When using "lean to", we do imply "have a tendency", but it's normally used like "One Leans To an idea", meaning One Tends to Believe an idea.

risedream · 发表于 2014-1-22 20:27:32

铁板神猴发表于 2014-1-22 18:02
Good edit! Crane Crane.

on the last paragraph, maybe it's not appropriate to use "lean ...

真是太谢谢您了，一定改这一点。真用心呢！

risedream · 发表于 2014-1-22 20:28:54

铁板神猴发表于 2014-1-20 02:26
1st edit on language

2014.1.18

真谢谢您呢，改的真好，会注意改的！

risedream · 发表于 2014-1-22 20:31:12

2014.1.22
P.S.这回其实还是一部分的，没有例子，请老师们帮忙看看改改main idea 好吗？谢谢！
题目：Do you agree or disatree with the following statement? Teachers should assign home work for students everyday after school.

Homework is the qualify that determains their performances at school. It’s a review of the knowledge learned from class. It’s also a transfer from knowledge to skills. A recent debate in education fields argued that whether teachers should assign homework or not. Some of my friends suggested that teachers shouldn’t assign homework, they should let students to study from outside of class. But in my opinion, i think teachers should assign home work everyday.

Students can use homework to gain a lot of things. They can train their ability of responsablity and independency when they are doing their homework. They can also cultivate their ability to dominate their time of study. Some creative homework can also help students to have great mind and thoughts. For example...........

Teachers can have interaction with students in homework. They can know the problem in a students homework and can solve their question very quickly and on time. They can also know the statement of a student’s recent study attitude, if there’s a problem, they can help students to get out of the bad mood very quickly so that they can study better. They can also depend on the homework to adjust their teaching ways, details and methods of their teaching.

For parents, this can be a way to let them understand their children’s ways of study. They can use their own experience to teach their children. And it’s a chance of interaction between a bond of blood.

risedream · 发表于 2014-1-22 20:33:58

超级无敌小鹤鹤发表于 2014-1-22 09:42
In personal thought and experience, I would say that I don’t agree to the idea of[that] student’s[ ...

谢谢您的修改，真是精彩呢！您改的一定注意~~

risedream · 发表于 2014-1-22 20:37:51

超级无敌小鹤鹤发表于 2014-1-22 09:42
In personal thought and experience, I would say that I don’t agree to the idea of[that] student’s[ ...

老师，我想问问您呢，写作文没有思路是该怎么办，去看什么呢？求教~

risedream作文习作帖，期盼拍砖，越多越好(^_^)

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

浏览过的版块