CC的作文帖·~~让咱三位数金闪闪地告别托福哥吧~~

lmt2011 · 发表于 2013-8-16 20:30:57

FROM 16/8/2013

lmt2011 · 发表于 2013-8-16 20:44:06

第一篇~~~这篇没跟大本营走的，求批~~~

跟托福哥哥say拜拜~~
Topic:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money on salaries for university professors.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:

According to the statement, increasing professors’ salaries makes a better university education. Although I agree that it is truly a feasible way to improve the quality of education, there are still many other significant measures in which teaching quality can be notable enhanced. Here are several reasons and instances supporting my viewpoint.

As we all know, good teacher can offer better teaching quality. Thus it is undeniable that spending more money on salaries for university professors does contribute to the education quality since it can possibly attract more excellent teachers. Moreover, with enough money to cover their bills, professors can get adequate nutrition to keep health and keep a relaxed attitude towards their work, which will improve their class performance and then contribute to the education quality. What’s more, sufficient salaries afford professors a high-quality life, which means in order to keep this respectable job, they would like to devote more to make themselves out of the competition. As professors compete for higher salaries, the teaching quality is improved at the same time.

Adding salaries, to some degree, do enhance the teaching quality; however, other more important improvements can never be neglected. First of all, universities should pay more money to better the teaching facilities and study environment, such as increasing multimedia devices, building computer labs, setting up e-library and so on. It is also necessary to concern about professors’ development. Universities should encourage teachers to keep space with the cutting-edge technology and offer them opportunities to do so. Finally and the most importantly, universities should set up a feedback mechanism to evaluate the teaching quality and to adjust the teaching method immediately based on the feedback.

In summary, I am partial agree the statement. Higher salaries is a possible method to improve the quality of education, while better teaching facilities and study environment, more opportunities for professors’ development and good feedback mechanism are also significant measures which should not be neglected. (322words)

lmt2011 · 发表于 2013-8-17 15:00:59

TPO11 INDEPENDENT WRITNG 求批改~~~~

Questions:
Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:
In this day and age, it is common belief that the appearance of the Internet has had an immense influence on our life. A quick access to all kinds of information provided by the Internet is changing the way people live. Marvelous as it looks at first sight, the Internet causes troubles in such a silent way that few people can realize it.

Wasting time, in other words, reducing efficiency is the first problem the Internet courses. The more information the Internet offers, the more time we waste to find the desirable ones. As our experience, when we search something in Google with key works or key sentences, every time it comes out with dozens even hundreds pages of results. We have to click a lot of pages to find out in which one there are the information we really want. In this case, superfluous information is nothing but a time killer. Worse still, those unwanted information often distract us from our original searching purpose. More than once I turned on my computer to search useful information for my homework, but ended up with watching funny videos. In this case, additional information works as an efficiency killer.

Secondly, constantly overwhelmed by information decrease the time we spend with kith and kin in the real word. Some people think that the Internet brings a closer distance between person and person, but I believe there is a longer distance between us in the reality caused by the Internet. It is a common phenomenon that people use their own mobile phone surfing the Internet rather than talk and laugh with others while they dine together. Convenient it looks like at the first sight, the Internet overwhelm us with the information flood and take the good times with friends and family away.

Finally and most importantly, some distorted information exhibited on the Internet can give rise to economic loss and even social unrest. There are many people suffering financial losses since they are deceived by fake shopping sites, which copy the pages of other famous online shopping sites such as Amazon, taobao.com and so on. Moreover, the information containing excessive violent and pornographic contents is most likely to mislead people, especially for the people lacking critical thinking ability. For example, a study on juvenile crimes shows that the misleading information on the Internet, such as violent movies and claims, is a key factor to the increasing juvenile delinquency.

In conclusion, we should to face the problems that caused by the overload information. When we are inundated with all kinds of information provided by the Internet, we ought to keep a rational attitude and use critical reading and thinking skills to treat them.(448 words)

lmt2011 · 发表于 2013-8-17 17:37:48

16 Aug Topic:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the past young people depended on their parents in making decision. Today, young people are better able to make decisions on their own.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the past, children and youth only had limited rights to handle their lives since their parents made all the decisions for them. Yet with the appearance of the Internet and the spread of new education principle, young people today have more rights and a better ability to make their own decision.

Thanks for the new education concept, increasing parents believe that the core of education is the promotion of comprehensive quality and more of them realize that it is important to build children’s confidence and independence. This realization makes parents to respect young people and to turn the decision over to children. Besides, the school today offered various courses and the children now are educated in a more well-rounded way than before. Parents do feel powerless to make all decisions for their kids. For example, how can parents decide which English dictionary should be bought if they know nothing about English.

Furthermore, with the valuable information got from the Internet, adolescent have the ability to make more considerable decisions than they used to. It is also convince parents to continue trust their children and let them make decision on their own. Take my experience for instance. I used to make a perfect family party plan by searching and collecting useful information on the Internet. I learnt from other successful plans and took key factors into full consideration, such as the weather, financial limit, transportation, the health condition of my grandmother etc. This party plan makes my parent believe I have the ability to decide by my own and since then I was given more chances to make decision independently.

Although children given more trust and able to make decision by themselves, parents’ advices cannot be underestimated or ignored. Since parents are more experience than young people in all aspects and the information the Internet provided are possibly wrong or misleading sometimes, their advice should be take into consideration when young people make their own decision. It is a good way to avoid unnecessary mistakes.

In conclusion, the situation is much better than it used to, in which parents build trust on their kids and kids are able to decide by themselves. While, at the same time, rational suggestions from parents can never be regardless. (375 words)

whom123 · 发表于 2013-8-17 21:10:19

In the past, children and youth only had limited rights to handle their lives since their parents made all the decisions for them. Yet with the appearance（此处其实不是很确定，但有点隐隐觉得用appearance不太合适？用其他表示出现的词会不会好点？仅供参考。。）of the Internet and the spread of new education principle, young people today have more rights and a better ability to make their own decision.

Thanks for（应为thanks to） the new education concept, increasing parents believe that the core of education is the promotion of comprehensive quality and more of them realize that it is important to build children’s confidence and independence. This realization makes parents to（删除） respect young people and to turn the decision over to children. Besides, the school today offered（既然是today尽量还是时态一致吧） various courses and the children now are educated in a more well-rounded way than before. Parents do feel powerless to make all decisions for their kids. For example, how can parents decide which English dictionary should be bought if they know nothing about English.

Furthermore, with the valuable information got from the Internet, adolescent have the ability to make more considerable decisions than they used to. It is also convince（小心语法错误） parents to continue trust their children and let them make decision on their own. Take my experience for instance. I used to make a perfect family party plan by searching and collecting useful information on the Internet. I learnt from other successful plans and took key factors into full consideration, such as the weather, financial limit, transportation, the health condition of my grandmother etc. This party plan makes（时态） my parent believe I have the ability to decide by my own and since then I was given more chances to make decision independently.

Although children given more trust and（应该是are吧，笔误？） able to make decision by themselves, parents’ advices（不可数） cannot be underestimated or ignored. Since parents are more experience than young people in all aspects and the information the Internet provided are possibly wrong or misleading sometimes, their advice should be take into consideration when young people make their own decision. It is a good way to avoid unnecessary mistakes.

In conclusion, the situation is much better than it used to, in which parents build trust on their kids and kids are able to decide by themselves. While, at the same time, rational suggestions from parents can never be regardless.

总体来说还不错，只是要多避免一些小错误。逻辑结构方面还比较清晰，但是最后的那个让步我不知道是不是合适，虽然在GRE的作文里这么写显得逻辑比较完全，但是托福里我真不是很确定。这个就待楼主自己验证啦。
句式还比较丰富，只是例子不是很多。这篇文章也不是特别好举例子，考试时有限时间内还是得靠平时的积累和临场发挥（说了等于没说。。。若嫌唠叨就自动忽略吧。。。）
加油！~

lmt2011 · 发表于 2013-8-18 15:00:43

18 Aug
综合

In the passage, the author is worried about the problems that caused by less reading on literature; while in the lecture, the speaker keeps totally different opinions.

First of all, the passage contends that literature can provide best intellectual stimulation than any other books and it can also help people to develop their imagination. However, what stated in the lecture challenge the viewpoint. The speaker claims that other types of books, such as science and history, have high quality and can also stimulate readers' imaginations.

Further, the passage believes that other books on lists of best sellers usually too superficial to benefit readers. What's more, the time wasting on various forms of entertainment can eventually lower the level of culture. Yet the speaker obviously disagrees with that. The speaker contradicts in the lecture that less time spent on books does not mean a lower level of culture. She points out that culture today is much different from it used to and there are many new feasible forms of expression other than book. For example, good movies and excellent music which can also benefit people in a different way. Therefore, less time on book does not equal to a waste of time.

The last point showed on the passage declares that the lack of audience will cause decreasing support on talented writers and all the problems are caused by the readers due to their poor standards of reading. While the speaker refutes that it is the author's fault since the literature today are too difficult to understand and this is the key factor contributing to the reducing investment on the literature.

laneesherry · 发表于 2013-8-19 05:07:21

同学你17号的综合写作在哪里？我没有看到。。。

whom123 · 发表于 2013-8-19 17:27:04

我本来是过来帮你改17号的独立的。。。还没写完嘛~~~

whom123 · 发表于 2013-8-19 17:41:09

In this day and age, it is common belief that the appearance of the Internet has had an immense influence on our life. A quick access to all kinds of information provided by the Internet is changing the way people live. Marvelous as it looks at first sight, the Internet causes troubles in such a silent way that few people can realize it.
开头很好，很精练的说出了观点，并且遣词造句都很棒！~

Wasting time, in other words, reducing efficiency is the first problem the Internet courses（笔误吧~）. The more information the Internet offers, the more time we waste to find the desirable ones. As（是不是应该用in？） our experience, when we search something in Google with key works(小心笔误噢) or key sentences, every time it comes out with dozens even hundreds pages of results. We have to click a lot of pages to find out in which one there are the information we really want. In this case, superfluous information is nothing but a time killer. Worse still, those unwanted information often distracts us from our original searching purpose. More than once I turned on my computer to search useful information for my homework, but ended up with watching funny videos. In this case, additional information works as an efficiency killer.

Secondly, constantly overwhelmed by information（是不是前面加个being更加，好像光这样写不能做主语？） decreases the time we spend with kith and kin in the real word. Some people think that the Internet brings a closer distance between person and person, but I believe there is a longer distance between us in the reality caused by the Internet. It is a common phenomenon that people use their own mobile phone surfing the Internet rather than talk and laugh with others while they dine together. Convenient it looks like at the first sight, the Internet overwhelm us with the information flood and take the good times with friends and family away.

Finally and most importantly, some distorted information exhibited on the Internet can give rise to economic loss and even social unrest. There are many people suffering financial losses since they are deceived by fake shopping sites, which copy the pages of other famous online shopping sites such as Amazon, taobao.com and so on. Moreover, the information containing excessive violent and pornographic contents is most likely to mislead people, especially for the people lacking critical thinking ability. For example, a study on juvenile crimes shows that the misleading information on the Internet, such as violent movies and claims, is a key factor to the increasing juvenile delinquency.

In conclusion, we should to face the problems that caused by the overload information. When we are inundated with all kinds of information provided by the Internet, we ought to keep a rational attitude and use critical reading and thinking skills to treat them.

整体感觉很不错！~ 只是有些小的语法错误需要更加仔细一些。整体结构也很好，分论点加细节，论证充分，有时候如果理由恰当或许可以加点让步的观点。用词也很恰当并且够高级，想来是已经考过GRE了？作为弱菜能提出的意见只有这么点，我还是多向你学习吧~

whom123 · 发表于 2013-8-19 17:42:34

lmt2011 发表于 2013-8-17 15:00
TPO11 INDEPENDENT WRITNG 求批改~~~~
Questions:
Some people say that the Internet provides people ...

感谢认真的批改，我帮你看看一篇以前的作文，也作为学习~

CC的作文帖·让咱三位数金闪闪地告别托福哥吧

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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