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我的5.5分作文

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楼主
发表于 2004-11-18 10:07:00 | 只看该作者

我的5.5分作文

今天收到成绩, TWE5.5, 虽不是6.0, 还是够用了, 这是我的考试中的原文, 希望对大家有用.


题目是住大城市好还是小镇好.


I am always amazed when I hear people saying that living in a small town is better than living in a big city,
as if we should abandon our prosperous and comfortable urban life and return to rural sterile life. Although
I do not deny living in small town has some obvious virtues, such as the friendly neighbor, the clean
atmosphere, and the gentle pace of living, living in the metropolis, on the other hand, could provide us with
various commodities, considerable employment opportunities and available entertainment.


To begin with, as the center of economy, culture and politics, major cities attract all kinds of department
stores, chain stores and dollor stores which distribute throughout the whole city. When people want to purchase
food, they can go to a variety of supermarkets. When people want to buy clothes, countless department
stores are available, opening 24 hours, 7 days a week. Moreover, most stores offer the deliver services,
which enable consumers to fulfill the purchase of commodities just make a phone call. Instead, people living in small
town have to drive car or take public transport to big city every weekend for diverse and cheap goods.


Next, the metropolis usually means considerable jobs available. No matter White collar or Blue Collar, people
all can find the suitable position for them in these liveable and dynamic cities. Due to such advantages, when
students graduated from universities, most of them intend to stay in the big city, not the small town, even
though some of them came from small town. For instance, according to a recent statistics of Chinese
Employment Agency, 90 per cent graduates want to work in big cities, which in turn, contributes to the
development of the metropolis.


Ultimately, people living major cities have lots of place to spend their spare time, such as bar, cinema and
concert. After daily work, yong people can release their tension in rock concert, spend romantic times in
cinema, and watch an excited baseball match between New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox in the Giant
Stadium. By comparison, people living in small town just watch these programs in TV, not in live. Furthermore,
lacking chaos of friends and fans, the watching atmosphere is often boring and  unattractive.


In sum, taking into account above mentioned reasons, which are adequate and persuasive, the conclusion
is obvious: after extremely examined all aspects of these two different life, living in the big city has edge
over living in the small town, not only in economic views, but also in mental aspects.

沙发
发表于 2004-11-18 10:39:00 | 只看该作者
恭喜恭喜!羡慕~~~
板凳
发表于 2004-11-18 11:49:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用seinfeld0923在2004-11-18 10:07:00的发言:

今天收到成绩, TWE5.5, 虽不是6.0, 还是够用了, 这是我的考试中的原文, 希望对大家有用.


题目是住大城市好还是小镇好.


I am always amazed when I hear people saying that living in a small town is better than living in a big city, as if we should abandon our prosperous and comfortable urban life and return to rural sterile life. Although I do not deny living in small town has some obvious virtues, such as the friendly neighbor, the clean atmosphere, and the gentle pace of living, living in the metropolis, on the other hand, could provide us with
various commodities, considerable employment opportunities and available entertainment.


To begin with, as the center of economy, culture and politics, major cities attract all kinds of department stores, chain stores and dollor stores which distribute throughout the whole city. When people want to purchase food, they can go to a variety of supermarkets. (不如various supermarkets简练) When people want to buy clothes, countless department stores are available, opening 24 hours, 7 days a week. Moreover, most stores offer the deliver services, which enable consumers to fulfill the purchase of commodities just make (by) a phone call. Instead (however, 用instead句意不恰当), people living in a (或者前面加冠词,或者后面用复数) small town have to drive car or take public transport to a (问题同前) big city every weekend for diverse and cheap goods.


Next, the metropolis usually means considerable jobs available. No matter White collarS or Blue CollarS, people all can find the suitable position for them in these (和前句数不一至) liveable and dynamic cities. Due to such advantages, when
students graduated from universities, most of them intend to stay in the big city, not the small town, even though some of them came from small townS. For instance, according to a recent statistics of THE (机构前一般要加定冠词) Chinese Employment Agency, 90 per cent graduates want to work in big cities, which in turn, contributes to the development of the metropolis.


Ultimately, people living IN major cities have lots of place to spend their spare time, such as barS, cinemaS and concertS. After daily work, yong people can release their tension in A rock concert, spend romantic times (time) in cinema, and watch an excited (exciting) baseball match between New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox in the Giant Stadium. By comparison, people living in A small town just watch these programs in (on) TV, not in live. Furthermore, lacking chaos of friends and fans, the watching atmosphere is often boring and  unattractive.


In sum, taking into account above mentioned reasons, which are adequate and persuasive (哈哈,自己都这么说了,阅卷人敢不同意?!), the conclusion is obvious: after extremely examined all aspects of these two different life (既然已经在说CONCLUSION了,这句就不要再要了), living in the big city has edge over living in the small town, not only in economic views, but also in mental aspects.


读第一段的时候, 奇怪ETS敢不给你6分! 反了他们了! 再往下看, 楼主犯了一些简单的语法错误.整个文章结构很好, 论述充分.句子结构也比较灵活. 若不是因为白壁微暇, 6分稳拿的.

地板
发表于 2004-11-18 12:31:00 | 只看该作者

谢谢GG分享,祝贺祝贺!!!

friendGG真好,这么认真

5#
发表于 2004-11-18 12:39:00 | 只看该作者

seinfeld0923,

congradualtion. it is amazing job. thanks for sharing.

6#
发表于 2004-11-18 13:23:00 | 只看该作者

恭喜恭喜!赶快学习学习。

7#
发表于 2004-11-18 16:00:00 | 只看该作者
So exciting ! congratulations and done better!
8#
发表于 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | 只看该作者
9#
发表于 2004-11-21 11:22:00 | 只看该作者

好文!

10#
发表于 2004-11-22 19:28:00 | 只看该作者

看似容易~~~~~~~其实~~~~~~~~~估计要我抄,我都会有问题~~~~

崇拜~~~~~~~~

后来那位大哥像是在做T的改错,太搞了~~~~~~~~~

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