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[作文互改] Argument 7,第一次写作,求帮忙修改!

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楼主
发表于 2012-10-31 11:03:34 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.


WORDS: 485TIME: 00:45:00DATE: 2011/10/31 9:50:00





In this argument the author comes to the conclusion that Monarch Books is recommended to open a cafe in its store. To justify the claim, the author points out that Monarch has a large customer base and has been in business at the same location for more than 20 years. The author also cites that opening a cafe will allow Monarch Books to attract more customes and better compete with Regal Books which recently opened its own cafe and space could be made for the cafe by discontinuing the children’s book selction. Close scrutiny of this argument reveals that it is unconvincing in several aspects.



First and for most, how can we assure that cafe can attract more customers? Assuming that Monarch Books has a large customers which is attributed to its wide selection of book on all subjects, not for cafe things. Perhapes the smell and sound from the cafe may distroy the interest in books of customers and instead of attracting more customers, Monarch Books may lose more customes.



In addition, is it reasonable discontinuing the children’s book section to make the space for the cafe? If Monarch Books discontinues the children’ book, it will not be famous for its wide selection of book on all subjects. Perphas it is because of the children’s willing to the Monarch Books to read and buy children’s books, that parents go with their children and read some book for themselves. According to this if there were no children’s books, the number of other customers will be decrease. Granted that it is a right choise to open a cafe, but without weighing the proposal against and rulling out alternative means of achieving the same goal, the author cannot convince me that discontinuing the children’s book selection for cafe is needed.



Finally, the argument unfairly claims that Regal Books’s selling well is the result of opening its own cafe rather than some other phenomenon. The arguer ignores a host of other possible explanations. Perhaps Regal Books opens a cafe to compensate its low income of book sellings. And considering this, Monarch Books’ decision of opening a cafe is a wrong choise. Or perhaps Regal Books has other competitive methods like discount on books more times than Monarch Books, better service of salers. In short, without rulling out all other possible explanations, the author cannot convince me that opening a cafe will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own cafe.



In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid and misleading. To make it logically accepetable, the arguer would have to substantiate that the advantages and disadvanges of opening a cafe in Monarch Books and that make a comparation between these then make a dicision. Moreover, I would like suspend my judgment about the credibility of this argument until the author can provide more information about opening a cafe is more competitive.


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沙发
发表于 2012-10-31 21:32:11 | 只看该作者
what questions would need to be answered写作要求里面有这个,LZ需要做点照应。
Assuming that Monarch Books has a large customers which is attributed to its wide selection of book on all subjects, not for cafe things.这句话不是一句完整的话。第一段你这么太简单了,你需要根据要求指出题目中的建议所要面临的问题,比如这里就是,开咖啡店在文中没有给出很直接的依据,而仅仅因为客源多就推断出咖啡店会受欢迎,有一个问题必须说明就是店里经过调查或者其他手段确信读者喜欢读书的时候喝咖啡。在质疑的时候,重在把你质疑的过程写出来,而不必急于写出其他的可能性。
板凳
发表于 2012-10-31 21:42:26 | 只看该作者
is it reasonable discontinuing 我觉得这里用不定式准确吧
in addition这段,组织不够好,那个national census你没有用到。这里你的逻辑应当是不继续设置儿童读物区有一个前提就是当地的儿童真的会减少,而且儿童读物的销售量在店里的总销售量里占的比重本身就小,所以再去指出题目中并没有相关的直接依据或者那个全国的调查完全不适应于当地。也就是说你的质疑不是完全自己另起炉灶,而应当根据题目中信息进行合理的推导。
第三个质疑点同第一点。建议LZ改改自己的段内组织加强逻辑推理和分析。
加油,坚持,期待进步!
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2012-11-3 11:44:51 | 只看该作者
谢谢谢谢!!!我会再进一步修改~
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