拜托各位，帮忙改一下T的独立作文吧，1013就要考了。拜谢各位

艾梦雪08 · 发表于 2012-10-9 08:03:12

Remarkable social progress has made it easier for individuals to succeed without help from their families than in the past.

Under many circumstances, the issue of success is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused. One conventional notion is that it is much easier to succeed without families’ help nowadays than in the past. After a closer scrutiny into all the factors that matter, I would act like a challenger and reckon that it fails to be representative.
Initially, I have to concede that families’ communicational network, at certain degree, is indispensable. For one thing, on some occasions, relationships established by family based on benefiting each other on business stuff are effective in simplifying the procedures of success. For the other thing, families’ fund support serves as a key to enterprise.
Nevertheless, the rationality of the claim is largely undermined by the oversimplification it suffers from. As is often the case, success is acknowledged as a controversial existence whose definition involves a combination of efforts on both internal and external layers and differs among people varying in personalities as well as values. Even the factors on objective layers such as the financial environment, government’s policies also bear the possibilities of driving the results to other paths. In this sense, it is kind of absurdity to count simply on family as an approach to obtain successfulness. With reference for International Economy, 70% of the respondents between 20 to 75 in E.U. claimed that family plays a dispensable role in adolescents’ future career.
At last, the consequences of the claim diffused are expected to bring about turn out to be destructive. One point that is worth of mentioning is that negative influence will be infectious, which can inevitable poison both the individuals and the whole society. In addition, the potential confusions and misleading incurs far outweigh the expected benefits and opportunities it can offer. To be exact, it is tantamount to the act of trading everything for nothing. Even worse, the assumption that the base which your family established determines whether you can be a marvelous executive is acknowledged as an illogical and irrational view which indicates a set of mislead value that run the risk of driving the well-being society to a dead end.
In brief, I would cast doubt on this claim that a person will have a better shot for success on the condition that family gives you abundant of support. Furthermore, it is essential for us to have circumspection before any critical decision-makings.

艾梦雪08 · 发表于 2012-10-9 17:07:21

拜托各位高人指点啊。跪谢跪谢。因为文章大多数用的都是模版，所以心里有点儿没底儿啊。请各位高人给说说这么写行不行啊。

艾梦雪08 · 发表于 2012-10-9 17:07:41

这是刚刚写的另外一篇作文，用的是同一个模版。各位高手给挑挑错误吧~
Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

Under many circumstances, the issue of decision-making is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused. One conventional notion is that decision-makers are supposed to take action as soon as possible rather than be patient to observe the situation before undergoing the task. After a closer scrutiny into all the factors that matter, on large scale, I would cast doubt on this claim and reckon that it fails to be representative.
Initially, I have to concede that immediate implement, at certain degree, is indispensable on the ground that quick application, on some occasions, serves as a key to open up a door for success, which contributes to seize the shot which is possible to disappear as it emerges.
Nevertheless, the rationality of the claim that it is now that we are obliged to act is largely undermined by the oversimplification it suffers from. As is often the case, the term of NOW is acknowledged as a controversial existence whose definition involves a combination of efforts on both internal and external layers and differs among people varying in personalities as well as values. Even the factors on objective layers such as the circumstances where you are, the partners’ attitude toward this strategy also bear the possibilities of driving the results to other paths. In this sense, it is kind of absurdity to define converting significant strategy into the application in reality by highlighting the time that you consume on this matter. The personal experience of Abraham Lincoln serves as evidence which can largely consolidate my standing. It is long period of persistence that accomplished one of the greatest presidents in American history.
At last, the consequences of the claim are expected to bring about turn out to be destructive. One point that is worth of mentioning is that negative influence will be infectious, which can inevitable poison both the individual and the whole. The effect is apparent especially in the process of educating the adolescent. In addition the potential confusions and misleading incurs far outweigh the expected benefits and opportunities it can offer. To be exact, it is tantamount to the act of trading the cherished for common. Even worse, the assumption that it is of vivid importance to undergo anything quickly is acknowledged as an illogical and irrational view which indicates a set of misplaced value that run the risk of driving the well-being society to a dead end.
In brief, I would frown on this claim that it is a better choice to perform as soon as possible. Furthermore, it is essential for us to have circumspection before any critical decision-making.

拜托各位，帮忙改一下T的独立作文吧，1013就要考了。拜谢各位

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

浏览过的版块