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[作文互改] 第一篇Issue求狠拍,最好帮我看看论据方面可以怎样改进

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楼主
发表于 2012-9-25 23:51:53 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Educational institutions should dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.



Should educational institutions own responsbilities to persuade students to pursue a field that is more likely to succeed? It seemly appealing at a first glance since students can save time and energy for themselves as well as the society. However, we have to admit the fact that this policy is hard to garantee its fairness and it somehow go against the true essential of education for the following reasons.



Admittedly, students can save numerous time and energy for the fields which they have greater chance to succeed. By doing that, students can be released from the fields that they are suffering from grant pain because they can make littel or no achievement. Since they know that they can hardly succeed in certain fields, they can shift to the fields that they are more likely to succeed. Therefore, students can save time for fields of study that they can succeed and society can benefit from the achievements of these successful students earlyier.



But here comes the problem, who can garantee whether a certain student can succeed on the current field or not? Professor who have taught him/her? The dean of his/her school? Are they authorizors in evaluating students' abilities? According to our experience, no one can tell with great confidence that a certain student will not succeed in the current field nor can anyone guarantee his/her judgment. It is highly possible that a student who had been predicted that he/she can hardly break through in current field actually achieve grant success in the current field after a few years, but he/she changed to another professor who believe he/she can succeed.



Most importantly, one vital respect of education is enlightening but not discouraging. As a result, when a student had chosen a field of study, educators only need to teach the knowledge the field required and stimulate the interests of students. For better prupose, educators can act as advisors to provide suggestions for students and leave them to decide whether to change to another field or not. Furthermore, if a student has been dissuade too many times, he/she will be extremely disappointed and may never succeed in any field of lives. If this is the case, it really fly in the face of true essential of education.



In summary, educational institutions should have second thoughts before they decide to dissuade students from the fields of study that they believe students are of rare likeliness to succeed. Even though they may have a chance to help students save time, they also risk ruining the future of students.
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沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2012-9-25 23:52:16 | 只看该作者
谢谢各位了~~~
板凳
发表于 2012-9-26 10:31:40 | 只看该作者
they also risk ruining the future of students.

这句话主谓宾是什么?
地板
发表于 2012-9-26 10:33:56 | 只看该作者
It seemly appealing at a first glance since students can save time and energy for themselves as well as the society.

seemly appealing什么句式?没见过。
5#
发表于 2012-9-26 10:34:07 | 只看该作者
觉得结构还挺好的。
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-9-26 23:37:11 | 只看该作者
they 是主语
risk 是谓语
ruining the future 是宾语吗?
我只知道有 risk doing sth,但我不确定这样写对不对
7#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-9-26 23:38:36 | 只看该作者
这句话改成这样会不会好点?
This recommendation seems appealing at first glance....
8#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-9-26 23:39:10 | 只看该作者
谢谢夸奖~
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