真言的写作

steigen · 发表于 2012-8-26 20:35:19

8.26 独立写作
What is main role of university professor, to educate students or to do research?

The significance of higher education is increasingly recognized nowadays. And then most of young people are choosing to go to universities for pursuing their dreams. The key element of being an outstanding university is the superiority of professors. Personally, I think university professors are pioneers and role models for the whole community that the researches and behaviors of them have undeniable impacts on students, research fields or even the whole society.

University professors direct students to develop their academic ability. After obtaining a specific direction, one can be competitive in job market. For instance, a well-prepared accounting course from a great professor could help students learn more skilled accounting techniques, which make them easily acquiring certificates. In accounting field, these kinds of certificates are the most impressed qualification for an employer, even though the applicant is not a good university graduator. In a sense, a university professor guides students to the bright career future as a director.

Moreover, behaviors of university professor have profound effects on students as well. Taking my university professors as an example, there are no special meals for them and then they take the same bus with us, not fancy cars. Most importantly, they treat students fairly and always emphasize the importance of integrity. Thus, in my university, there are no treating in any test and then the atmosphere of the whole school is extremely harmonious, which should contribute to the professors' role models.

On the other hand, university professors are national resources for developing scientific researches. Studies show that certain country's high-technology strength, led by scientists, reflects the advancement of economy. And then the majority of scientists are professors from universities. Plenty of investments would be made by corporations to the lab of certain professor belonged just because of interested in some researches they do. As a pioneer, a university professor not only can do some researches but bring economic benefits as well.

However, too much stress from the country is ruining university professors. For writing a high impact factor paper to achieve the assignment from country, fake datum or even the copy papers are published by some professors. Thus, it cannot be denied that country should provide a suitable environment to a university professor to make sure that he can educate students well as a mentor and can do research well as a pioneer.

steigen · 发表于 2012-8-26 22:51:44

在自己很混沌的状态下写的。。。就匆匆看了下标题。。才发觉自己跑题了。。

sherryzhangh · 发表于 2012-8-27 14:23:37

The significance of higher education is increasingly recognized nowadays. And then most of young people are choosing to go to universities for pursuing their dreams. The key element of being an outstanding university is the superiority of professors. Personally, I think university professors are pioneers and role models for the whole community that(这个that从句是谁的从句？) the researches and behaviors of them have undeniable impacts on students, research fields or even the whole society. （我有些不大理解，你是想说教书育人比作研究重要？还是都很重要？）

University professors direct students to develop their academic ability. After obtaining a specific direction, one can be competitive in job market. For instance, a well-prepared accounting course from a great professor could help students learn more skilled accounting techniques, which make them easily acquiring certificates. In accounting field, these kinds of certificates are the most impressed qualification for an employer, even though the applicant is not a good university graduator. In a sense, a university professor guides students to the bright career future as a director.

Moreover, behaviors of university professor have profound effects on students as well. Taking my university professors as an example, there are no special meals for them and then they take the same bus with us, not fancy cars. Most importantly, they treat students fairly and always emphasize the importance of integrity. Thus, in my university, there is~~are~~ no treating in any test and then the atmosphere of the whole school is extremely harmonious, which should contribute to the professors' role models. （个人感觉这段有些跑题。。。）

On the other hand, university professors are national resources for developing scientific researches. Studies show that certain country's high-technology strength, which led by scientists, reflects the advancement of economy. And then the majority of scientists are professors from universities. Plenty of investments would be made by corporations to the lab of certain professor belonged just because of interested in some researches they do. As a pioneer, a university professor not only can do some researches but bring economic benefits as well.

However, too much stress from the country is ruining university professors. For writing a high impact factor paper to achieve the assignment from country, fake datum or even the copy papers are published by some professors. Thus, it cannot be denied that country should provide a suitable environment to a university professor to make sure that he can educate students well as a mentor and can do research well as a pioneer.

看到最后，这个扣题好像又跑题了，是问那个更重要，而不是教师有什么难处。

优点：我看不到语法错误。

缺点，有的句子太长以至于句意表达不清楚。

steigen · 发表于 2012-8-27 17:06:42

我确实是严重跑题了题目理解错了安全服了我自己了独立都能跑题。。。还是多谢sherry啊 ~ 跑题作文也给我耐心的看了~ 多谢！

steigen · 发表于 2012-8-27 21:37:57

8.27 独立写作 know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree

Some people believe that types of friends one have could reflect what kind of person he is. However, it cannot be denied that people may be influenced by many aspects in forming their characters, personalities and outlooks on the world. So it is not completely true to define individual just based on his friends.

In a sense, totally different kinds of people are much easier to get along with and becoming friends. Different friends can enrich our experiences by their conducts and thoughts that are different from ours. I can think of no better illustration of the idea than the example of my roommate and I who have totally opposite characters. She is a quiet person and whatever tough situation we have faced, she can stay calm and deal with it patiently. As for me, I am a so-called social butterfly with sufficient enthusiasm to the life, which can always help my roommate to keep a good mood.

Moreover, individual personalities are one of the most complicated things in this world. For figuring out what kind of person he is, we should consider it in a comprehensive way, not just in a rash one. An old Chinese saying goes, "among all the good deeds, filial piety comes first." It can be seen one's humanity through the treatment of his parents. In addition, how many social works have been done by someone also can demonstrate his warm heart. Therefore, many aspects of a person could know him correctly, not just through types of friends he has.

Admittedly, the idea of similar friends are getting together seems to right. A person with a purpose in life-such as an artist or a politician- may share the special feel together and then gradually having the same opinions. However, sharing the same thoughts or similar experiences cannot be asserted that they are becoming the same kind of person.

In conclusion, a person's personality is extremely hard to define. We should consider factors overall to know a person better. So, it is rather superficial to simply define individual just based on this friends.

蝴蝶渡海 · 发表于 2012-8-28 19:44:04

Some people believe that types of friends one have(has) could reflect what kind of person he is. However, it cannot be denied that people may be influenced by many aspects in forming their characters, personalities and outlooks on the world.(有点遗憾的就是没有on the world 这个词组，而且这个句子扩到世界范围有点过) So it is not completely true to define individual just based on his friends.

In a sense, totally different kinds of people are much easier to get along with and becoming friends. Different friends can enrich our experiences by their conducts and thoughts that are different from ours. I can think of no better illustration of the idea than the example of my roommate and I who have totally opposite characters. She is a quiet person and whatever tough situation we have faced, she can stay calm and deal with it patiently. As for me, I am a so-called social butterfly （所谓的交际花是个什么意思。。可能是我孤陋寡闻了。）with sufficient enthusiasm to the life, which can always help my roommate to keep a good mood.

Moreover, individual personalities are one of the most complicated things in this world. For figuring out what kind of person he is, we should consider it in a comprehensive way, not just in a rash one. An old Chinese saying goes, "among all the good deeds, filial piety comes first." It can be seen one's humanity through the treatment of his parents. In addition, how many social works have been done by someone also can demonstrate his warm heart. Therefore, many aspects of a person could know him correctly, （感觉这里的know有些不太恰当Therefore，我觉得换个语序这么说比较好点We could judge a person’s character from many aspects）not just through types of friends he has.

Admittedly, the idea of similar friends are getting together seems to right. A person with a purpose in life-such as an artist or a politician- may share the special feel together and then gradually having the same opinions.（这句话一些短语用的不错，值得我学习，但是明显的错误是句式不对称and 前后对应不起来） However, sharing the same thoughts or similar experiences cannot be asserted that they are becoming the same kind of person.

In conclusion, a person's personality is extremely hard to define. We should consider factors overall to know a person better.（感觉这句话用It is better 的句式更好一点）So, it is rather superficial to simply define individual just based on this friends.（this friends单复数不同形了）

整体感觉还不错，三个观点也都说明了可以通过其他的方面来判断一个人的品性。一些短语的使用，使我感觉你的英文积累不少，很多我是不认识的为了批改而现查的，但是否真的非常恰当我的感觉是有些欠妥当，在准备把握词的使用，水平就更好了。

steigen · 发表于 2012-8-28 22:45:26

8.28 独立写作
Televisions or movies, invented in last century, with their wide availability, increasingly prosperous programs or Hollywood movies
, become one of the most popular way of entertainment in our daily life. Studies consistently show that the average American
child spends almost as much time watching television as does he or she in school. Therefor, if children do not have any limitation for
watching TV programs or movies at home, they merely can do well in school.

Watching too much television is harmful for children's physical health. Research of Chinese primary school students indicated that
70 percent of them are tended to be shortsighted and then over half of them have worn glasses already. It turns out that the average
hours of watching television of the students who wearing the glasses is much longer than whose not wearing ones. Apparently, children's
sight are harmed by watching too much television. If a child has been shorsighted, it is difficult for him to concerntrate on his
classes without a clear view.

Additionally, today's media greatly influence the choice of children's dreams. Childhood is important period which one cultivates
his hobbies and dreams for the future.Today's rock concerts and music televisions create an impression that becoming a rock
star or a video jockey is the best profession in the world. Taking an example of American superstar Lady Gaga, her outragous
music videos are misleading children from the whole world.

Admittedly, too much limitation for watching television would make them feel hard to get along with others in school. When all the
friends are talking about the last night insteresting television programs, one does not figure out what they are talking about. Actually,
it really hurts his feel. However, it still can not deny that it is necessary to keep children from these medias for their good.

332211abc · 发表于 2012-8-29 19:06:06

Televisions or movies, invented in last century, with their wide availability, increasingly prosperous programs or Hollywood movies
, become one of the most popular way of entertainmentS in our daily life. Studies consistently(持续的研究表明？) show that the average（平均的美国小孩？） American child spends almost as much time watching television as does he or she in school. Therefor, if children do not have any limitation for watching TV programs or movies at home, they merely（这是什么意思？） can do well （否定词在前要用倒装）in school.

Watching too much television（这是个动作，不是结果） is harmful for（to） children's physical health. (a)Research of(on) Chinese primary school students indicated that 70 percent of them(可以不要，去掉更好) are tended to be shortsighted and then（顺承吗？） over half of them have worn glasses（这个戴眼镜和身体不好没有直接相关） already. It turns out that the average hours of watching television of the students who wearing the glasses is much longer than whose(those) not wearing ones. Apparently, children's sight are harmed by watching too much television. If a child has been shorsighted, it is difficult for him to concerntrate on his classes without a clear view.结论应该放在第一句。

Additionally, today's media （have）greatly influence（on） the choice of children's dreams.(可以删) Childhood is important period which one cultivates his（可以不要） hobbies and dreams（搭配有问题）for the future（dream 已经有future的意思，可以改）.Today's rock concerts and music televisions create an impression（句意有问题） that becoming a rock star or a video jockey is the best profession in the world（太主观牵强了，估计老美看起来不习惯）. Taking an example of American superstar Lady Gaga, her outragous music videos are misleading（这个明显是贬义，比较失败） children from the whole world.

Admittedly, too much limitation for watching television would make them feel hard to get along with（过于口语化）others in school. When all the（other）friends are talking about the last night insteresting television programs,(but或however) one（不定代词用此处有问题） does not figure out what they are talking about. Actually,it really hurts his feel（feeling）. However, it still can not deny that it is necessary to keep children from these medias for their good.(中式英语)

steigen · 发表于 2012-8-30 16:27:02

8.29 独立 The best way to improve the quality of education is to imcrease teachers' salaries'.

Significance of education is increasingly recognized by the whole society nowadays. Some people assert that increasing teachers' salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. However, it is not completely true to say that that is the best one.

Building large libraries is one of the excellent ways to educate students better. A peaceful studying environment plays an important role in a student's academic development. College dorm rooms can have up to eight students sleeping in one small room and are not good environments for students to study in. To provide excellent studying environments for their students, universities must build large libraries designed to accommodate students as well as books. Therefore, in libraries students can learn nearly everything only if we have already acquired basic reading skills. Students are the main role in education, so schools should pay much attention to students rather than to teachers.

Moreover, sometimes knowledge gained from experience is much deeper and more comprehensive than that gained from books. It is quite true that not everything is contained in books, so school can provide more opportunities that can internship in companies. For instance, my major is computer science. For me I learned how to programs for certain large project, which is not just small one in school exercises, during my internship in SK company. Thus, even some knowledge that is contained in books usually needs further comprehension, mainly though experience.

Admittedly, raising teachers' salaries could sustain their enthusiasm for education. However, these increased salaries may encourage teachers to make investments and further develop entrepreneurship. This may distract teachers' attention from students to their own business.

In sum, it is rather superficial to simply say that increasing teachers' salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. We should consider the education in more comprehensive way to do it better.

白冬冬 · 发表于 2012-8-30 18:01:15

The best way to improve the quality of education is to imcrease teachers' salaries'.
红色是错误，蓝色是建议，黄色是好句子~~

The significance of education is increasingly recognized by the whole society nowadays. Some people assert that increasing teachers' salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. However, it is not completely true to say that that(读起来有点awkward...)is the best one.（it is not completely true to view it as the best.）

Building large libraries is one of the excellent ways to bettereducate students. A peaceful studying environment plays an important role in a student's academic development. College dorm rooms(这两个词一个意思，改成dorms就好了) can have(have 是人发出的动作，改成there is更好)up to eight students sleeping in one small room and are not good environments for students to study in. To provide excellent studying environments for their students, universities must(太绝对了，can/could吧) build large libraries designed to accommodate students as well as books. Therefore, in libraries, students can learn nearly everything only if we(they) have already acquired basic reading skills. Students are the main role(top concern) in education, so schools should pay much attention to students rather than to teachers.

Moreover, sometimes knowledge gained from experience is much deeper(deep knowledge? 逻辑不通哦~) and more comprehensive than that gained from books. It is quite true that not everything is contained in books, so school(没有冠词，不能这样用单数的哦) can provide more opportunities ~~that can~~ such as internship in companies. For instance, my major is computer science. For me I learned how to (动词？)programs for certain large projects, which is not just as small as the one in school exercises, during my internship in SK company.~~Thus,~~ What is more, even some knowledge that is contained in books usually needs further comprehension, mainly through experience.

Admittedly, raising teachers' salaries could sustain their enthusiasm ~~for education~~to teach .However, these increased salaries may encourage teachers to make investments and further develop their entrepreneurship. This may distract teachers' attention from students to their own business.

In sum, it is rather superficial to simply say that increasing teachers' salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. We should consider the education in more comprehensive way to do it better.

语言平淡了一点，再用一些高级词汇就更好了~
再注意一下冠词的使用方法吧，这个挺细致的。
另外结构上有一个小建议：第二段可以用一个更general 的段首句，而library给人的感觉只是其中的一个例子而已~~。比如说：还有其他的很多学校设施可以帮助学生更好的学习，其中之一就图书馆。

加油~~！

真言的写作

修改~8.29

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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