麻煩幫我改一下這篇No113

113.The government has announced that it plans to build a new university. Some people think that your community would be a good place to locate the university. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of establishing a new university in your community. Use specific details in your discussion.

     Some people think that my community would be a good place to build a new university. However, there would be both advantages and disadvantages of establishing a new university in my community. As far as I am concerned, I oppose to the plan. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

     To begin with, a university nearby may cause a serious traffic problem. There would be a lot of people who drive cars to school such as teachers, students, custodians, and office workers during office hours and that will cause traffic jam. This kind of traffic jam not only poses a heavy burden on the traffic system in the community, but also brings us who leave in community bad moods before going work.

     In addition, the noise of the university may bother people in the community. There may be some noise around the campus when students take exercise or play games. As a result, people in community will be disturbed by the noise and cannot concentrate on their work.

     However, building a new university in the community would also bring some advantages. First, a university will bring some business opportunities for people. Students in university may want to eat outside of the campus or go to see the movies after school. Therefore, there can be some restaurants, movie theaters, and bookstores near the university so that would provide some business opportunities for people in the community. Furthermore, the university can become a famous mark of the community. People far away form other towns may even do not know where the community is, but aware of the name of the university, and make a good impression for the community.

     Although there are a couple of advantages to build a university in my community, but I feel the disadvantages are more obvious. According to the reasons presented above, I strongly oppose to build a new university in my community.      

     To begin with, a university nearby may cause a serious traffic problem. There would be a lot of people who drive cars to school such as teachers, students, custodians, and office workers during office hours and that(i feel that it is not so good to use "that" or"this"to refer to the meaning of one sentence) will cause traffic jam. This kind of traffic jam not only poses a heavy burden on the traffic system in the community, but also brings us who leave(live) in community bad moods before going work.

     In addition, the noise of the university may bother people in the community. There may be some noise around the campus when students take exercise or play games. (making sample in more detail is better)As a result, people in community will be disturbed by the noise and cannot concentrate on their work.

     However, building a new university in the community would also bring some advantages. First, a university will bring some business opportunities for people. Students in university may want to eat outside of the campus or go to see the movies after school. Therefore, there can be some restaurants, movie theaters, and bookstores near the university so that would provide some business opportunities for people in the community. Furthermore, the university can become a famous mark of the community. People far away form other towns may even do not know where the community is, but aware of the name of the university, and make a good impression for the community.

     Although there are a couple of advantages to build a university in my community, but(delete "but",because you have already used "althrough") I feel the disadvantages are more obvious(than the advantages). (Therefore,)According to the reasons presented above, I strongly oppose to build a new university in my community.      

    let's studying and improving together!

Some people think that it is a wise idea to built a new university in our community. In my point of view, the disadvantages will undoubtedly overweight the advantages. So, I oppose to the plan. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

     To begin with, a university nearby may cause a serious traffic problem. There would be a lot of people who drive cars to school such as teachers, students, custodians, and office workers during office hours and will cause traffic jam. This kind of traffic jam not only poses a heavy burden on the traffic system in the community, but also brings us who live in community bad moods before going work.

     In addition, the noise of the university may bother people in the community. There may be some noise around the campus when students take exercise or play games. As a result, people in community will be disturbed by the noise and cannot concentrate on their work.

     However, building a new university in the community would also bring some advantages. First, a university will bring some business opportunities for people. Students in university may want to eat outside of the campus or go to see the movies after school. Therefore, there can be some restaurants, movie theaters, and bookstores near the university so that would provide some business opportunities for people in the community. Furthermore, the university can become a famous mark of the community. People far away form other towns may even do not know where the community is, but aware of the name of the university, and make a good impression for the community.

     Although there are a couple of advantages to build a university in my community, I feel the disadvantages are more obvious than the advantages. Therefore, according to the reasons presented above, I strongly oppose to build a new university in my community.