求求那位帮我分析一下

最近收到ETS给我寄来的成绩AWA居然是3分,我哭,自我感觉文章写的还可以,不知那出了问题,我把当时写的两篇文章重新复述了下来,希望那位NN帮我分析一下,谢谢!!!!

呜........

AI

The most important quality for a leader of an organization to have is not the ability to plan, to organize, and to solve problems but rather the ability to communicate the organization’s mission and to inspire people to work toward fulfilling that mission.

In this issue, author thinks that the most important quality for a leader of an organization to have is the ability to communication to organization’s mission and to inspire peoplw to work toward fulfilling that mission. In my opinion, it is not an either or choice. Different abilities can play the different effects.

First of all, It is an important quality for leader of an organization to have the ability to plan, to organize, and to solve problems. As a manager he must draw the clear developing staragety, find the suitable employees to do the suitable jobs, divide the employees based on special principles to improve the work efficiency and get over the troubles he will confront. As a leader one of his responsibilities is tell the other person what is their goals and how to realize the goals.

On the other hands, It is also very important quality for leader to have the ability to communicate the organization’s mission and to inspire people to work toward fulfilling that mission. Through efficient communication the other people can understand what you think and what you want. Meanwhile using communication the leader can get more useful information. Such as the Cloth Design company leader, using efficient communication he can know what his employee’s ideal and interest and find the difference between his ideal and his employees’ ideal. Then he can find a better way to reconcile the difference and encourage all people work together to realize their common goals. Meanwhile using efficient communication he may find a better suggestion or better way to get more profit from the future market.

Basing the following reasons above, I think the different leader’s abilities may play different effects. On some conditions the first may more important than the latter, on the other conditions it may otherwise.  To leader combining these abilities together can work more efficient.  

AA

A year ago Apex Manufacturing bought its managers computers for their homes and paid for telephone connections so that the managers could access Apex computers and data files from home after normal business hours. Since last year, productivity at Apex has increased by 15 percent. Other companies can learn from the success at Apex: given home computers and access to company resources, employees will work additional hours at home and thereby increase company profits

In this argument, author recommends that other companies can take the same way like Apex: given home computers and access to company resource. Using this way companies can let their employee to work additional hours at home and thereby increase company profits. Because a year ago Apex Manufacturing took the same method and increased their productivity. although it seems reasonable at first glance, it commits several logic flaws that are addressed below.

First of all, Author commits a fallacy in assumption that the thing occurred in the past also occur in now and will occur future. Even in the same company the same method or tactic may not always get the same result. Such as with the network security becoming more serious, remote connecting company resources becomes very dangerous and unfeasible. Using this method will be in danger of important data stolen by illegal user and cause great damage to company interest. Author failure to provide other factor that will cause the opposite result and eliminate them makes this recommends more subspect.

Second, In Apex Manufacturing only the managers take this test. Different group have different characteristic. Commonly manager are more self-motive and more responsible than common employees. They can work well without any supervisor and monitors. But not all employee can work well without any monitors. Based on the different characteristic the method suitable to manager may not suitable to all employee. Author not taking the difference into account also makes the recommend unsound.

Last but not less important, Author make the recommendation based on the test occur in Apx, Even we omit the difference about the time and the person that inferred above, we also cannot get the same result that using the same method other companies also can get the same result. Different companies have different characteristics. For instance, To IT companies or to high technology company , using computer and internet employee can fulfill their tasks. Using the method author recommend may more suitable, but to some companies, such as steel&iron company, oil drill company a lot of work need employee work together and use special machines in the factory, Just using the computer and internet they can do nothing. So we cannot hastily say that using the same method other companies can get the considered results.

In conclusion, this argument is not well reasoned. In order to make it more substantial, the different companies characteristic must be considered and be eliminated. Meanwhile author also need to provide much more information to let us believe that manager and employees’ discrepancy may not influence the result.   

The most important quality for a leader of an organization to have is not the ability to plan, to organize, and to solve problems but rather the ability to communicate the organization’s mission and to inspire people to work toward fulfilling that mission.

In this issue, author thinks that the most important quality for a leader of an organization( to have) is (to have the ability) to communication(communicate) to organization’s mission and to inspire peoplw to work toward fulfilling that mission. In my opinion, it is not an either or choice. Different abilities can play the different effects.

First of all, It is an important quality for leader of an organization to have the ability to plan, to organize, and to solve problems. As a manager he must draw the clear developing staragety, find the suitable employees to do the suitable jobs, divide the employees based on special principles to improve the work efficiency and get over the troubles he will confront. As a leader one of his responsibilities is tell the other person what is their goals and how to realize the goals.

On the other hands, It is also very important quality for leader to have the ability to communicate the organization’s mission and to inspire people to work toward fulfilling that mission. Through efficient communication the other people can understand what you think and what you want. Meanwhile using communication the leader can get more useful information. Such as the Cloth Design company leader, using efficient communication he can know what his employee’s ideal and interest and find the difference between his ideal and his employees’ ideal. Then he can find a better way to reconcile the difference and encourage all people work together to realize their common goals. Meanwhile using efficient communication he may find a better suggestion or better way to get more profit from the future market.

Basing the following reasons above, I think the different leader’s abilities may play different effects. On some conditions the first may more important than the latter, on the other conditions it may otherwise.  To leader combining these abilities together can work more efficient.   

AA

A year ago Apex Manufacturing bought its managers computers for their homes and paid for telephone connections so that the managers could access Apex computers and data files from home after normal business hours. Since last year, productivity at Apex has increased by 15 percent. Other companies can learn from the success at Apex: given home computers and access to company resources, employees will work additional hours at home and thereby increase company profits

In this argument, author recommends that other companies can take the same way like Apex: given(managers) home computers and access to company resource. Using this way (,)companies can let their employee(s) to work additional hours at home (,)and(delete this word) thereby increase(increasing) company profits(the profits of the company). Because a year ago Apex Manufacturing took the same method and increased their(it's) productivity. although(Althrough) it seems reasonable at first glance, it (this argument or recommendation)commits several logic(logical) flaws that are addressed below.

First of all, Author commits a fallacy in(of) assumption that the thing occurred in the past also occur in now and will occur future(in the future). Even in the same company the same method or tactic may not always get the same result. Such as(+noun, For example is better here)) with the network security becoming more serious(the error as the "brecause of", remote connecting company resources becomes very dangerous and unfeasible. Using this method will be in danger of important data stolen by illegal user and cause great damage to company interest. Author failure to provide other factor(s) that will cause the opposite result and eliminate them makes this recommends more subspect. (unclear expression)

Second, In Apex Manufacturing only the managers take this test. (what's your point about the logical error?It is better to point it out at the first sentence of the passage--My idea)Different group(groups) have different characteristic(s). Commonly manager (s)are more self-motive and more responsible than common employees. They can work well without any supervisor(s) and monitors. But not all employee can work well without any monitors. Based on the different characteristic the method suitable to manager may not suitable to all employee. Author not taking the difference into account also makes the recommend unsound.

Last but not less important, Author make(s) the recommendation based on the test occur(occured) in Apx, Even we omit the difference about (between)the time and the person that inferred above, we (also) cannot get the same result that using the same method other companies also can get the same result. Different companies have different characteristics. For instance, To IT companies or to high technology company(s) , using computer and internet (,)employee can fulfill their tasks. Using the method author recommend may more suitable, but to some companies, such as steel&iron company, oil drill company a lot of work need employee(s) work together and use special machines in the factory, Just using the computer and internet they can do nothing. So we cannot hastily say that using the same method other companies can get the considered results.

In conclusion, this argument is not well reasoned. In order to make it more substantial, the different companies characteristic must be considered and be eliminated. Meanwhile author also need to provide much more information to let us believe that manager and employees’ discrepancy may not influence the result.   

Sorry, I did not carefully read two essays you wrote. In my point of view, even through the structures of the essays are ok, there are too many basic grammar mistakes.

If you feel that the score is too low, you may try to call the ETS to rescore your essays

I feel---------If your total score on the math and verbal is not so bad, you can try to rescore; However, if you are not satisfied with the score on the math and verbal, it is a better idea to retake the test and try your best to avoid making some basic grammar mistakes.----It is just my personal idea. Good luck!!!!!!

By the way, I still did not get my writing score,wuwuwuw.

你写的还是不错的，在稍用点劲，就有breakthrough 了。

AI

The most important quality for a leader of an organization to have is not the ability to plan, to organize, and [ or ] to solve problems but rather the ability to communicate the organization’s mission and to inspire people to work toward fulfilling that mission. [ this one sentence is long]

In this issue, author thinks that the most important quality for a leader of an organization to have is the ability to communication to organization’s mission and to inspire peoplw to work toward fulfilling that mission. In my opinion, it is not an either or choice. Different abilities can play the different effects. [ where is your stance?]

First of all, It is an important quality for leader of an organization to have the ability to plan, to organize, and to solve problems. [怎么和文章首句冲突？]As a manager he must draw the clear developing staragety, find the suitable employees to do the suitable jobs, divide the employees based on special principles to improve the work efficiency and get over the troubles he will confront. As a leader one of his responsibilities is tell the other person what is their goals and how to realize the goals.

On the other hands, It is also A very important quality for leader to have the ability to communicate the organization’s mission and to inspire people to work toward fulfilling that mission. Through efficient communication the other people can understand what you think and what you want. Meanwhile using communication the leader can get more useful information. Such as the Cloth Design company leader, using efficient communication he can know what his employee’s ideal and interest and find the difference between his ideal and his employees’ ideal. Then he can find a better way to reconcile the difference and encourage all people work together to realize their common goals. Meanwhile using efficient communication he may find a better suggestion or better way to get more [higher] profit from the future market.

Basing the following reasons above, I think the different leader’s abilities may play different effects. On some conditions the first may be more important than the latter, on the other conditions it may otherwise.  To leader combining these abilities together can work more efficient.