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[作文互改] Argument 10, 求狠拍!!!

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楼主
发表于 2012-5-19 15:21:23 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Argument 10 题目:
   Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia. Using an observation-centered approach to studying Tertian culture, he concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. Recently another anthropologist, Dr. Karp, visited the group of islands that includes Tertia and used the interview-centered method to study child-rearing practices. In the interviews that Dr. Karp conducted with children living in this group of islands, the children spent much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. Dr. Karp decided that Dr. Field’s conclusion about Tertian village culture must be invalid. Some anthropologists recommend that to obtain accurate information on Tertian child-rearing practices, future research on the subject should be conducted via the interview-centered method.
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   Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
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In this article, Dr. Karpasserts that Dr. Field's investigation twenty years ago has many flaws and hisnew way of survey is useful and can be used in many other situations. Heprovides evidence that the results of the two investigations are different andthen his achieves his conclusion. Dr. Karp's conclusion and reasoning processseems good, however, many flaws are also in his argument, which can weaken hisargument.

In the first place, Dr. Karp asserts that Dr.Field's visiting to Tertia is one thing happened twenty years ago, while hisown investigation was made recently. We can hardly believe in thisdemonstration because the author didn't provide evidence indicating that thelocal situations in Tertia haven't been changed during the two decades. Thereis a big chance that twenty years ago, most of the children in Tertia werereared by the entire village. But as the development of the society and theglobalization trend move toward Tertia, ethos there can be changed and therearing method can be transformed into a biological parent-rearing method. Tomake the argument more convincing and persuasive, Dr. Karp has to provide moreevidence about the stability of Tertia during the specific twenty years andtherefore his reasoning process can be proved more warranted.

In addition, the author also claims that there arehe found that children spend much more time talking about their biologicalparents than about other adults in Tertia. We cannot conclude from thisevidence for just talking more about their biological parents doesn't makesense. This may also happen when they are reared by the entire village, andtheir biological parents may just influence more on their children than otheradults. If this happens, Dr. Karp's inferential process is definitely weakened.Unless he tells us that the children in Tertia are truly reared by their ownparents or provide a more complete and convincing reasoning process, theconclusion cannot be reached.

Finally, granted that the two faults I referredabove are solve by Dr. Karp, his assertion that his interview-centered methodis useful and it can be used in other island cultures seem tenuous. There is abig probability that his method doesn't reflect the true condition of Tertia.And also, his method may be not useful in other cultures for their differentbackgrounds. For instance, people in some other islands may be not as frank aspeople in Tertia, which means those people are likely not to express the truth.To make the argument less unconvincing, Dr. Karp has to provide evidenceshowing that his interview-centered method has no disadvantages and it can be acure-all in any situation.

To sum up, Dr. Karp's demonstration is seeminglygood. But when some specific situations are considered, the argument seems notconvincing. Many things he compares to each other are incomparable. Only byproviding more evidence to make up for those flaws can his conclusion beconvincing and persuasive.
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沙发
发表于 2012-5-19 16:37:42 | 只看该作者
In this article, Dr. Karpasserts that Dr. Field's investigation twenty years ago has many flaws and hisnew way of survey is useful and can be used in many other situations. Heprovides evidence that the results of the two investigations are different andthen his achieves his conclusion. Dr. Karp's conclusion and reasoning processseems good, however, many flaws are also in his argument, which can weaken hisargument.(既然你这里写了many flaws can weaken hisargument,那你就要在下面的各个段落中体现,所以就是说你下面的每一段的topic sentence 要看到你的论点)

In the first place, Dr. Karp asserts that Dr.Field's visiting to Tertia is one thing happened twenty years ago, while hisown investigation was made recently. (
表达很中式,而且这句话和下句话直接的逻辑没连接起来,要加linkingwords)We can hardly believe in thisdemonstration because the author didn't provide evidence indicating that thelocal situations in Tertia haven't been changed during the two decades. Thereis a big chance that twenty years ago(注意时态啊,20年前应该用什么时态呢?), most of the children in Tertia werereared by the entire village. But as the development of the society and theglobalization trend move toward Tertia, ethos there can be changed and therearing method can be transformed into a biological parent-rearing method. Tomake the argument more convincing and persuasive, Dr. Karp has to provide moreevidence about the stability of Tertia during the specific twenty years andtherefore his reasoning process can be proved more warranted.(我个人认为你的切入点选的不是特别好,好好brainstorming

小宇宙,燃烧吧。加油
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-5-19 19:32:02 | 只看该作者
我再思考一下,谢谢指点~
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