[求助]请各位牛牛改改我的作文！！TWE129

刚刚完成了一篇作文，请各位不吝指导，尽情批评！！自己感觉用词很平庸，例子很有问题，不知道这样的可以拿多少分~~~~

129 A university plan to develop a new research center in your country. Some people want a center for business research. Other people want a center for research in agriculture. Which of these two kinds of research centers do you recommend for your country? Use specific reseasons in your recommendation.

If I am given the chance to choose from recommanding my country the plan of a university to develope a center for business research and the plan to develop a center for agricultural research , I would definitly recommend to develope a business research center. There are many reasons why I choose to recommend the former.And in here I will explain some of the most important reasons.

The main reason for me to recommend to build a business research center is that China lacks both expierence and knowledge in doing businesses domestically and overseas and is eager to integrate scientific business theories with practice. Although many books of world famouse cases in business have been introduced to China since the 1990's, such as the legendary development of GE, there are few research centers in China that can study those cases independently and install the success into Chinese corporations fully.

Another reason is that China has now become a member of the world trade organization, She needs the imformation of other countries not only in the aspect of their culture but also the aspect of how to do business with them. Otherwise China may loose her chance to develope its own economy in the long run. There is an example for this. Before and after the access to the WTO, China employed many economists to do research on international practices, which helped the nation to accelerate its economy and development. Millions of dollars were spent in those researches,however, the  achievement is slim.  If China could has the chance to build a specialized business research center ,these economists may have a better opportunity to study cases more systematically and exchange their information and views more conveniently.

Although many people think that building an agricultral research center is equally important because farming is the foundation of a society, it is not the most important case right now. China has already had many agricultral research centers and most of them are working efficiently, besides the agriculture in China is developing smoothly without difficulties. In the contrast, business in China has just started. It needs the  fertilizer to grow and develope.

In conclusion, I would recommand my country the plan of developing a center for business by the university, for it is the best choice now for the fast developing China.

很不错的文章，用词和句子结构都很好，照这样的水平，5分是起码的。

加油，再多写几篇，放上来一起交流

看得出来，你的基础扎实，如果能再多学一些地道的书面表达，绝对是未来的NN。

例如，这篇文章里，偶认为有几个地方可以换一种表达方式：

1、The main reason for me to recommend to build a business research center is that China lacks both expierence and knowledge in doing businesses domestically and overseas and is eager to integrate scientific business theories with practice.

这样写：The most crutial reason for my propensity is that china, eager to integrate scientific business theories with practice, lacks both....

2、Another reason is that China has now become a member of the world trade organization, She needs the imformation of other countries not only in the aspect of their culture but also the aspect of how to do business with them.

注意：not only ...but also的前后结构要对称。

这样写：another reason is that as a member of the WTO, china needs the information of other countries in the aspects of not only their cultures but also how....

好累哦~~想睡觉类~~~就到这里吧~~

Although many people think that building an agricultral research center is equally important because farming is the foundation of a society, it is not the most important case right now. China has already had many agricultral research centers and most of them are working efficiently, besides the agriculture in China is developing smoothly without difficulties. In the contrast, business in China has just started. It needs the  fertilizer to grow and develope.

Admittedly, it is irrational to overlook the importance of the agriculture. Farming, as a foundational requirement of society, undoubtedly plays a very important role in China. While compared a lot of agriculture research centers around the country, the shortage of business domain in china is noticeable and impressive.