[求助]写了一篇文章，大家给瞧瞧吧

185.You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.

As a young man with a great ambition, form(from) my point of view, I will choose a business than a house.  Although a house will provide you with a comfortable environment, purchasing a business and succeeding in it will bring （ benefit )you more.

One of my reasons is the joys and sorrows of the business with which you will face. As you are bringing up your own baby, you feel the same thing during operating a business. Sometimes you think you are on the top of the world. And you will also feel lose heart every once in a while. It is the precious gift just for you.  In despite of succeed and failure, you will be to a person of vast worldly experience. But can a house give your more experience as a business does?   

Beside experiences, a further reason why I prefer a business is that not only you but others can benefit form the business. Because the business will supply more job opportunities，many people will earn their bread. The company established will pay taxes, thus to raise social welfare. I think that you own a house may not make such a great contribution to other social members, but your own family.

Finally, is that we can not purchase a house after operating a business? Of course not. In fact, one aim of business one person operating, I believe, is at the house. We do a business first, and then we make more and more money to get a house. Furthermore, there are many means to get a house, for example, ask for a loan.  

Right now I am in a small apartment, but I should say that purchase a business will be the advisable decision.

给点意见～不胜感激～

谢谢。

举中间一段具体分析一下, 以下为个人意见.

One of my reasons is the joys and sorrows of the business with which you will face.   ( 说得不清楚. reasons 是joys and sorrows, 逻辑上不是通.  应该是经营企业带来******* )  A s you are bringing up your own baby, you feel the same thing during operating a business.  (as 应该是当什么的时候,  应该用as if 吧, )  Sometimes you think you are on the top of the world. And you will also feel lose heart every once in a while. It is the precious gift just for you. (这两句也很含糊, 我的看法是, sometimes 和in a while 属于模糊词. 比如说, 你可以说, 当你成功的时候, 你感到****, 比用sometimes 具体很多. ) In despite of succeed and failure, you will be to a person of vast worldly experience. But can a house give your more experience as a business does?   (don't leave your question unattended.)

明白了，谢谢！谢谢大家！逵逵什么都怕，就是不怕批评～

这是俺的第一篇，接着努力写～

In despite of succeed and failure,无论成败～ 这个怎么表述比较好呢？

One of my reasons is that you will face the joys and sorrows of the business when operating your business.  You will consider the business to be your lovely baby. when the business is prosperous, you feel you are on the top of the world. And you will also feel lose heart sometimes. It is the precious gift just for you.  No matter it is successful or unsuccessful(whatever you do) successul or, you will be to a person of vast worldly experience. But can a house give your more experiences as a business does? I never think that decorating a house can be more challengeing and exciting than manipulating a business.

说得有理！～把那段改了一改～