马上就要考了，急问模板问题！

didiflute · 发表于 2010-6-9 22:57:34

想请教一下，AA和AI最好是用自己的模板还是用大牛的模板就行了啊？
我上两次考G，作文都超乎的低，才3.5. 我猜想是不是因为我用了大牛的模板，人家算抄袭了。。。？

想请教一下大家，是应该用模板还是自己写一个啊？

另外，对于AA呢？山峰的模板里有7宗罪各个理由的模板，那个能用吗？会被算作抄袭吗？

spensertracy · 发表于 2010-6-10 04:21:56

记得一定要改一下，可以用别人模板。抄袭应该不至于，是不是错误太多？
7宗罪的模板可以用，但是不要完全照搬，稍作修改即可。GMAT作文不像GRE这么容易判雷同。

didiflute · 发表于 2010-6-10 08:34:07

我也不知道是怎么回事，能不能请版主帮我看一下我的AI吧，我实在是想不到别的方法了，自己也看不出都到哪块是致命伤啊。。。。狂谢！！！

题目： in order to besuccessful, people should pay more attention on the specific works than on theresults.

正文： The author claims that in order to besuccessful, people should pay more attention on the specific works than on theresults. To some extend, I agree with the author's assertion that the focus onthe specific task is one of the crucial ingredient lead to sucess. However, itdoes not means that the worry about results is worthless and the author'sconclusion has missed some important aspects. On balance, my point of viewinvolves the fundamental and deep analysis of the importance between the two. To begin with, only when we finished allthe specific works can we achieve our goals. The one who put too much emphasison the results are called "aggressive man". He thinks big but doessmall and always worries about the "so-called" near-coming victory.He immersed in his thought and imaginations and are overoptimistic. However,the story always ends that he finally gained nothing and all the dream-bubblesbroken in a second. The one who obtain his aims steps by steps are always findthat he go further towards his dream and are not easily beaten by the failurefor they have learned a lot through the way to success. They deserve to wintheir fortune, to gain their fame or just to have someone to love.
However, the blueprint of the future andthe procedure you planned to attain the success is needed and necessary. The reasonfor this is obvious. If somebody has just build a goal there and never thoughtabout how to achieve it and never worry about the obstacles he or she wouldencounter in the way to success, he may not prepare well when meet an gigantichind on the road and may be confused when he is in a plight. Only with theinsistance of goals can not carry you smoothly towards the victory. Thinkingabout the procedures you may take and the method you may use will save you muchtime and efforts when you really have difficulties achieving goals. Forexample, if the government enacted a law to its citizens and never worriedabout the potential results, what if the civilians are not satisfied about itslaw and rebel? Or what if they are happy about this law and all carried out itsmoothly? Without thinking about these, the government may ironically havenothing to do with the possible consequences and prepare nothing towards theresults to protect its citizens and to built its country.
To sum up, the issue of the importancebetween specific works and results is a complex one requiring subjective judgmentand the balance between the two. In my assessment, I do think we shouldpractise more while thinking about the procedures to success and the all thepotential results you may have. Only when we prepare well to all the resultscan we hava an optimistic mind and spare no efforts to succeed.

alice5100 · 发表于 2010-6-11 03:34:09

我大概帮你看了一下。。。我觉得模板并不是问题，结构也还行，但是主要的问题有可能是在于你的文法还有句子结构。。有些句子太长了，看起来很吃力，也不确定你的意思到底在讲什么。。。你的字数还蛮多的，我建议你可以把一些长的句子该短一点，把你想表达的意思写清楚，文法的部分再注意一点，希望这样有帮助！

还有，不知道为什么你很多字都是连在一起的，考试的时候千万不能这样哦！不然的话读者读起来一定会失去耐心的

我帮你改了一下文法，你参考参考吧！加油！我也快考了。。。

Theauthor claims that in order to be successful,people should pay more attention on the specific works than on the results.To some extend （应该是”extent”,表示程度）, I agreewith the author's assertion that the focus onthe specific task is one of thecrucial ingredient(ingredients,因为你是说focusing on specific task其中之一的成分，代表还有其他成分) lead to sucess. However, it does notmeans that the worry about results is worthless and the author's conclusionhas missed some important aspects. On balance, my point of view involvesthe fundamental and deep analysis of the importance between the two.

Tobegin with, only when we finished all the specific works can we achieve our goals.The one who put too much emphasison （emphasis） theresults are called "aggressive man". He thinks big but does small andalways worries about the "so-called" near-coming victory (应该是 so-called “near coming victory”. So-called 不需要引号). He immersed in his thought and imaginationsand are （用单数”is”） overoptimistic.However, the storyalways ends that he finally gained nothing and all the dream-bubbles broken ina second. The one who obtain his aims steps by steps are (前面用“the one…” 这里应该用 “is”) alwaysfindthat he go further towards his dream and are not easily beaten by thefailurefor they have learned a lot through the way to success. They deserve towintheir fortune, to gain their fame or just to have someone to love.
However, the blueprint of the future andthe procedure you plannedto attain the success is needed and necessary. The reasonfor this is obvious.If somebody has just build a goal there and never thoughtabout how to achieveit and never worry about the obstacles he or she wouldencounter in the way tosuccess, he may not prepare well when meet an gigantichind on the road and maybe confused when he is in a plight. Only with theinsistance of goals can notcarry you smoothly towards the victory. Thinkingabout the procedures you maytake and the method you may use will save you muchtime and efforts when youreally have difficulties achieving goals. Forexample, if the government enacteda law to its citizens and never worriedabout the potential results, what if thecivilians are not satisfied about itslaw and rebel? Or what if they are happyabout this law and all carried out itsmoothly? Without thinking about these,the government may ironically havenothing to do with the possible consequencesand prepare nothing towards theresults to protect its citizens and to built itscountry.
To sum up, the issue of the importancebetween specific works and resultsis a complex one requiring subjective judgmentand the balance between the two.In my assessment, I do think we shouldpractise more while thinking about theprocedures to success and the all thepotential results you may have. Only whenwe prepare well to all the resultscan we hava an optimistic mind and spare noefforts to succeed.

spensertracy · 发表于 2010-6-13 04:01:36

楼上说的不错。我再接着讲一下思路。
lz主要是两个理由，基本一正一反，我认为如果时间有多，写5段式比较合适。即中间三个理由
（1）“To begin with, only when we finished all the specific works can we achieve our goals.” 这个可以，表反对。the result consists of specific works
（2）可以继续讨论一下这个理由。讨论注重结果的负面效应，比如impose more pressure, mental strains, passive attitude等等
（3）最后来个正向的。“However, the blueprint of the future andthe procedure you plannedto attain the success is needed and necessary. ”
这样的论证就比较完整了。
再说个小问题，第二段这个aggressive man后面，“He thinks”的出现有点突兀，我觉得你这个aggressive man是指一类人，突然变成he不太好。你可以用代词，比如this kind of people之类的。这种议论文最好用名词作主语，我们写中文议论文的时候也不常出现，他，我，你等等的人称代词做主语的。
祝考试顺利～

didiflute · 发表于 2010-7-9 23:02:25

谢谢啊，谢谢你耐心的看了我的文章并给了我建议~ 我再后天就考了，很幸运在考试之前看到了~恩，我会注意没空格的问题的~句子变短的问题也会注意的啦~谢谢~~~共同祈福~加油~

didiflute · 发表于 2010-7-9 23:04:00

看了版主的留言，明白~ 采取5段式作文~~ 还有的确那个he的问题有点不妥~谢谢你帮我指出来~ 我再后天就考了~很幸运考前看到了~谢谢~~我会加油的~~呵呵~~

马上就要考了，急问模板问题！

哦~明白了~

many many thanks!

谢谢版主~

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