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710考试,首次独立写作练习,求大家拍砖!谢谢~~~

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楼主
发表于 2010-6-22 14:30:03 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
7月10日就要考试了,准备时间很短,今天第一次尝试独立写作(写了2篇),写完了之后感觉对于如何提高写作分数完全摸不着头脑,求各位大侠拍砖!谢谢~~~~~~~~~

第一篇:保持室内整洁的学生更易成功
In response to this question, some people may argue thatstudents who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeedthan students who do not. But is it the case? Close analysis does not bear outthe argument.
Although it may be true that students who keep their roomsneat and organized may control themselves well, there is no evidence to suggestthat they will be more likely to succeed than students whose rooms are totally  in a mess. What's more, if you can see that mostprominent scientists cannot take care of themselveswell in daily life, you can understand it deeply.
Another reason for me to disagree the claim lies in thatstudents keep their rooms neat and organized due to their habit of cleanliness  and cleanliness  does not definitely bring them more chances tosucceed . For instance, my friend Lily  who has the habit of cleanliness,. needs tokeep her room neat and organized every every day and wash her hands thoroughly eachtime after shaking hands with others. This habit does bring her clean  enviroment for living, however, it also costsher a lot of time which should be spent on study. As a result, she did poor instudy and had to make her best efforts to keep up with other classmates.
Furthermore, the results of related studies also provide adequatejustification to my claim. According to 100 studies carried out in the 10 majorcities throughout China, only 20 percent of students who like to keep roomsneat and organized succeeded than others. No one can deny the truth behind thenumber.---(我个人感觉这段话有些牵强)
All in all, we can conclude from the foregoing reasons andexamples that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will not be morelikely to succeed than students who do not.


第2篇:挣钱是大多数商人的唯一动机。
In response to the question, many people may argue that mostbusinessmen are motivated only by the desire for more money. But is it thecase? Close analysis does not bear out this argument.

Although it may be true that money makes the world go aroundand most of businesspeople are motivated by the desire for money, there is noevidence to suggest that the desire for more money is the only motif. What'smore, if you can see that most successful businesspeople donate their proceedsfor charity, rather than depositing it in their personal account, you canunderstand it deeply.

Another reason for me to believe the pursuit of more moneyis not the only motif of businesspeople lies in that most of businesspeople aremotivated by the desire for success, rather than money. The results of relatedstudies provide adequate justification to my opinion. According to 100 studiescarried out in the 10 major cities throughout China, 80 percentile ofbusinesspeople are motivated by the desire for success and 15 percent ofbusinesspeople work hard for bring their family a better and happier life. Noone can deny the truth behind the number.

Furthermore, it is an obvious fact that most entrepreneursdonated a large amount of money into the reconstruction program of Yushu cityafter its earthquake. If the desire for more money is the only motif of mostbusinesspeople, how can they give up so much money and just give the money tothe strangers lived in Yushu city. A good example in this case is Bill Gates,he devoted himself in charity nowadays and gave up the opportunity to earn moremoney through his work in Microsoft. As we know, a lot of famous businesspeopledid similar  things like Bill gates. Inthis case, how can we say earning more money is the only pursuit of mostbusinesspeople?

All in all, we can conclude from the foregoing reasons andexamples that the desire for more money may be the motif of mostbusinesspeople, but not the only motif.
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沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2010-6-23 00:53:55 | 只看该作者
自己顶!
板凳
发表于 2010-6-23 20:57:31 | 只看该作者
顶一下吧~
我6.26的,攒rp.呵呵
地板
发表于 2010-6-23 21:17:17 | 只看该作者
感觉短了一点,而且不够饱满。。IW写到400~450会比较好。
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-6-24 14:28:57 | 只看该作者
谢谢!!  我还以为350就够了呢,真是太感谢了! 另外,“不够饱满”是指我的例证还不够多,还是说“讲道理”方面还需要多说一些呢? 新手傻问题啊。。。呵呵

BTW, Good luck to you, hypnose, I believe you will do well in June 26.
6#
发表于 2010-6-24 23:09:33 | 只看该作者
我也710···
7#
发表于 2010-6-25 22:22:49 | 只看该作者
我也710,写的还不如你呢!
感觉总是无从写起。救救我吧!
8#
发表于 2010-6-25 22:31:17 | 只看该作者
这里有来自xdf得建议:同意干净人容易成功。因为干净所需的素质与成功所需的素质相符合。1,条理性。make plans, organize.
2,坚持。persistence, everyday
3, 善于利用时间
9#
发表于 2010-6-25 22:34:04 | 只看该作者
不同意。
驱动力不是金钱,而是the desire of happiness.
可以通过love, interest, sence of achievement 来获得,不一定通过金钱。
10#
发表于 2010-6-28 15:22:19 | 只看该作者

保持室内整洁的学生更易成功

Tony教授 修改 (Tony教授的英语教室 www.tonyjiaoshou.com

1.
保持室内整洁的学生更易成功?
In response to this question, some people may argue that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not. But is it the case? Close analysis does not (support the) bear out the argument.


Although it may be true that students who keep their rooms neat and organized may control themselves well, there is no evidence to suggest that they will be more likely to succeed than students whose rooms are totally in a mess. What's more, if you can see that most prominent scientists cannot take care of themselves well in daily life, you can understand it deeply.


Another reason for me to disagree (with) the claim lies in that students keep their rooms neat and organized due to their habit of cleanliness and cleanlinessdoes not definitely (give them) bring them more chances to succeed . For instance, my friend Lily who has the habit of cleanliness,. needs to keep her room neat and organized every every day and wash her hands thoroughly each time after shaking hands with others. (Although, she is extremely hygienic, she wastes a lot of time which could be used on studying on hygiene.) This habit does bring her clean enviroment for living, however, it also costs her a lot of time which should be spent on study. As a result, she (does poorly in studies and has to make efforts) did poor in study and had to make her best efforts to keep up with other classmates.
Furthermore, the results of related studies also provide adequate justification to my claim. According to 100 studies carried out in the 10 major cities throughout China, only 20 percent of students who like to keep rooms neat and organized succeeded (better) than others. No one can deny the truth behind the number.


All in all, we can conclude from the foregoing reasons and examples that students who keep their rooms neat and organized will not be more likely to succeed than students who do not.


In the 3 paragraphs written, only one idea was mentioned; it is best to write one idea in each paragraph.

Rating: 3.5


Tony教授 修改 (Tony教授的英语教室 www.tonyjiaoshou.com

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