大家帮我看看作文吧……不要砸鸡蛋哈

yaya0201 · 发表于 2010-5-30 12:18:21

实在是第一次接触托福的作文，依然摸不清写作思路，今天好不容易自己写了篇，但是觉得写跑题了，没有样文那么正式，拜托大家帮我看看，提提意见。
Nowadays, more and more people come to the university. Some of them go to study new things, some intend to get a high degree, and others go there just to get a totally different experience. Well, I am also in the university, and I attend the university mostly because I love it.
You may ask: why do you like the university? I will say that because it is a so beautiful place where I have met couples of important person in my life, besides, I feel free here, and I can do whatever I like to do.
Our school is very beautiful and full of trees and flowers. I like walking in the shadow of the trees and enjoying the afternoon sunshine. I also like reading in the morning along with the bird singing. I like the people here, my roommates are so kind that they always comfort me when I am sad, pick me up when I am down. I like the teachers here. And my favorite teacher is Professor Liu who is humorous and smart and can always express the difficult knowledge in the easiest way. It’s just an enjoyment to have his classes.
I also join the music association here. I have been playing violin for ten years. Now, I just have more free time to practice, also, I get every chance to meet the people who have the same hobby with me. Thanks to the university, it just makes me so happy, enjoy my life and love myself more.
However, I admit that, it’s much easier to get a good job with a university degree. After all, we really learn a lot in the university and get much professional knowledge which can help us performance better in the work. The people we meet in the university can also give us a favor in our career life.
University is just good place like this .And I am sure to attend the university will absolutely change my life way.

ankumos · 发表于 2010-5-31 18:15:29

我觉得吧，您还是别吹牛。。真情实感最好写，还写我爱大学。。您自己不对着墙角吐么。。。
还有好多I啊，语法错误也不少，解释理由要解释清楚，轻描淡写的不知道在说什么，这些就能让你读大学，那你好幼稚哦。。的那种感觉油然而生
当然知道您是编的，但是也别编的那么肤浅啊。。。

说话比较直接别生气，不管写什么，把自己想说的写出来才会写得好

amumu · 发表于 2010-5-31 20:04:41

胡敏的范文：

A trend that has existed for many years is that increasing numbers of young people wish to attend college or universities. This is as true in China as it is in the United States. Surprisingly, however, an increasing number of older people in the U.S. are returning to school, to continue their education. The reasons for these two trends are several, including wanting to find new experiences, career preparation and obtaining increased knowledge. Let’s look more closely at the two main reasons.
It has long been an acceptable fact that a college or university degree is a pre-requisite for a promising career, or for finding a good job. Having a career implies a progression in one’s work life, whereby one can progress into increasingly responsible positions with a commensurate increase in pay. In our highly competitive society, whether one is in China or the U.S., it can be said that it is impossible for a person to find a good job with a promising future without at least a college degree. Even this is not always enough, and increasingly more and more young people are continuing on for their graduate degrees.
The reasons many older people in the U.S. are returning to school to continue their education, even though they already have their college or university degree, are several. One reason is to remain competitive in the workplace. Often they are holding a full-time job and feel the need to attend night school to get their master’s degree, be it an MBA or a Master’s degree in computer science. Another reason is simply for their own gratification and enjoyment, to increase their knowledge in a variety of subjects they never had the time or chance to study while in college.
In conclusion, the reasons why people attend college and university are many and varied, but the main reason for young people is to better prepare themselves for a promising career and to get a good job. For older people who go back to college, it’s both to remain competitive in the workplace and to satisfy their own desire to learn something new and gain new knowledge.

qx20030815 · 发表于 2010-5-31 22:16:54

1. 把李笑来满分作文所有topic过一遍，模仿多样语法使用2. 试着从人，社会，经济，国家，环境等宏观的角度考虑一下问题3. 根据想到的观点微观到列具体的example4. 1-3很费时间，但是坚持下来就有收获。

yaya0201 · 发表于 2010-6-9 21:52:31

谢谢你！我本来上来找我这篇作文已经找不到了。现在看看确实觉得这篇作文显得很幼稚，显得很主观，没有说服力，谢谢你的鼓励！
这一个多礼拜我也一直在练习，又发一篇上来，希望大家耐下心来帮我提出修改意见，谢谢！
Recently, a company wants to build a large factory near my community. People there hold different opinions on whether the factory should be built. Some support factory, because it will cause the economy increase in the area. While others hold the opinion that is totally different from the former one. Well, if I got a chance, I had to say that I do not want the factory to be built. I have several reasons.

First of all, the factory is very harmful to our community environment. Think about it, when the factory opens, it will pour some waste or even toxic rubbishes in to the lake nearby. In a long term, pollutants have been assembled, and environment is ruined. I can not imagine the results that the water is no longer clean, the sky is no longer blue, fishes disappear forever, let alone the flying birds. No, these must not happen.

Further more, the factory will influence people’s health there. If the water is no longer clean and the air is no longer fresh, what do we drink? What do we breathe? We escape? Of course not. Life abounds with examples. I know a person who open a factory in a beautiful village, but everyday he drives his car back to the city because he lives in the city. People are curious about that why does not he live in the village? Many years later, 80 percent of the people in the village have got a cancer. At that time, people finally know the reason.

Granted, it is true that, the factory may bring some benefits to our community. For example, every year the factory should hand in lots of tax to the government. So the government could have more money to make people’s live better. But that is just temporary, in a long term, our living standard actually decreases.

After pondering the issue from the aspects above, I must say that I oppose the factory for it really has bad effect. As far as I concern, to develop the economy of our community, there are some other methods. We can’t sacrifice our environment.

[报考] 大家帮我看看作文吧……不要砸鸡蛋哈

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