U of T让我写个NOTE,恳请大家帮我改改,这可是决定我的命运的

well, i just change some grammar stuff still lots of error for sure. i don't think that's a good idea to show you weakness on organizing both of your toefl and college study, meaning you are not a so good student. better change another idea rather than some hard evidence of your weakness.    

at last, don't use "you" it's aggressive to others, try to think other subsitution.

i am in a application too, be careful on every word you say. good luck.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      letter

The purpose of this particular letter is that I want to explain the reason causing the occurence of a serious drawback in my transcript.

In the Last semester (add specific year), for the wish (other better words) to be an excellent applicant, i mainly focused on my    upcoming Toefl test    and other stuff(need    specific subject like recommendation letter).    On the other hand, on my college study, As a result of preparation of TOEFL, i failed    to    catch up    on my fast-paced    course schedual, and was left far behind by the majority. Moreover, as part of college requirement of being a full-time student, i can't        withdraw two course.

conclusion(some part i wrote     sucks and need you ben ren de idea to fix it logically and grammarly).