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[讨论]小强写作组, 互拍进行中...(9楼有得克猪的精华,还在添加中...)

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楼主
发表于 2007-6-23 21:25:00 | 只看该作者

[讨论]小强写作组, 互拍进行中...(9楼有得克猪的精华,还在添加中...)

有没有战友有兴趣,一起修改作文.请加入.

我们可以组成一个小组,互相修改作文,这样对每个人提高都很快.

具体形式我们可以在讨论. 可以在这里发帖也可私下进行,也可以定期请这里的巨N帮忙.

同意的请跟贴.

大家想参加的就来.

令外,每个人的能力和进度不同.可以酌情参加. 进度快的可以快写,慢的可以慢写. 也可以Post上去你自几写的不同题目的作文,大家改.都可以.

只要你post上去了, 大家都会看并有义务跟具自几的水平互改.

1. 得克猪的精华在9楼(还在添加中...)

2. 185的题目在31楼.

3. iBT@CD 第一写作小组专用贴.

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardid=19&id=258838&star=1#258838

4.一些关于TWE写作的连接


http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=251232&page=1
 
 
http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=258391&page=1
http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=258516&page=1
http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=254992&page=2
 
NCE
http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=251591&page=2
 
 
http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=253575&page=2
 
http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=241490&page=5
 

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=119724&page=5
http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=8905&page=6
 

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=1749&page=1



[此贴子已经被作者于2007-7-7 9:39:09编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2007-6-23 21:36:00 | 只看该作者

坐个沙发

早就该有这个了,大家积极参与哟


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-23 21:36:47编辑过]
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-6-23 21:42:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用德克的猪在2007-6-23 21:36:00的发言:

坐个沙发

早就该有这个了,大家积极参与哟


你来做mentor吧.巨N.

不过没有酬劳哦..

地板
发表于 2007-6-23 21:43:00 | 只看该作者
支持,有意参加的人,最好说一下自己何时考试,以及目前的大致复习进度。
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-6-23 21:45:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用山衔落日在2007-6-23 21:43:00的发言:
支持,有意参加的人,最好说一下自己何时考试,以及目前的大致复习进度。

呵呵.多些两位巨N捧场.

我是8月的. 正在练习作文...

希望有人互改.

6#
发表于 2007-6-23 22:16:00 | 只看该作者

    

这是我写的关于该不该在neighborhood 建工厂。请给位大牛不吝赐教



Suppose you return home after a long vacation and find a new
factory erected behind your back garden producing dreadful smells and making
noises all day long, what will your first reaction to this be? I bet say, if
you are not the owner of the factory, it will be to tear it down.


    

 


    

I definitely agree that no factories should be built in a neighborhood.
Because a neighborhood is a place where a large number of people reside, which
determines that it should be an area of serenity and pleasant environment. But
a factory just spoils all of that: it gives out waste gases, produces annoying
noises…In a word, anything related to factory can drive you mad. It is certain
that you will lead a bitter life with a factory in your neighborhood, for the
pollutions caused by it might be vital. There are many examples vindicating
this. In postwar Japan,
people living near factories suffered greatly during the series of industrial
pollutions. They caught strange diseases, had children of deformation, and so
on. So a factory in your neighborhood costs you more than the peaceful
atmosphere, it will also trigger unexpected health problems inside you.


    

 


    

The owner of the factory may argue that he or she can make
profits via the production of the factory, which will in turn be beneficial to
the neighborhood. But I’d suggest the owner move to the outskirt of the town,
not only because he or she may have more land to utilize, but also because the
renting rate there is much lower, which is known to all businessmen. Further
more, what the residents consider as a real benefit will be a quite and
beautiful surrounding. They will be grateful if they can set their sweet home in
a place salutary both mentally and physically.


    

 


    

If unfortunately, what I stated at the beginning really
happens, I’d suggest that either you or the factory move. It is as ridiculous
to set a factory in a neighborhood as to run a nightclub in a high school. A
factory and a neighborhood should be on two parallel rails, and never come
across with each other.



7#
发表于 2007-6-23 22:18:00 | 只看该作者
还有,我十月考试
8#
发表于 2007-6-23 22:36:00 | 只看该作者

批改的注意事项:

1.修改结构和思路是很好的,但是修改不要仅仅限于结构和思路:毕竟TOEFL考试考查的是语言,所以修改的重心最好是放在语言的提升板块上,这样相互修改的效果才明显.

2.请大家发文上来之前先用word文档编辑,避免一些低级的错误,这是对修改人起码的尊重

3.修改的颜色最好用比较显眼的颜色

9#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-6-23 22:47:00 | 只看该作者

写作区还有大量的得克猪的作品.

Zd's TOEFL写作
        

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=253518&page=1

Zd's写作词汇替换(1-170)含短语 每日更新),写作必备

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=249219&page=3

Zd's iBT writing templates (原创模版)

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=251936&page=1

NCE3 59 课文分析

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=258267&page=1

解析NCE3第41课 完美满分作文样板

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=250268&page=1

非牛人跪求德克和其他大牛改作文(蓝色的是模板)

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=255773&page=1

急!!!!!!!说出偏好类作文的写法

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=257916&page=3

版主,德克,大家快来帮帮我:preference类型的结构

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=258154&page=3

纠正 德克的猪 用词的一个错误

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=257478&page=3

提供一个文章的修改,欢迎大家来讨论

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=257739&page=3

煎熬,写了一篇...德克快来!

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=257368&page=4


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-23 22:55:27编辑过]
10#
发表于 2007-6-24 00:10:00 | 只看该作者

支持!

本人情况:

T:9/15 在职准备,基本保证每周一篇作文。发现自己写完后由于思维定势很难提出更好的修改意见,觉得这种方式应该会很有效。

这里贴出一篇,欢迎大家拍砖!

5. A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.


It is being said that there will be a large factory being built near our community.From my perspective,it has both some benifits and serious problems for us to consider in a deep extent.While it can bring the growing economy,more employment,traffic promotion and the development of accessorial facility,it also does harm to enrivonment and threats local public security.

Obviously,building a factory will push local economy up.When a large factory is working,it has a chance to generate large quantities of products, which of course are valuable to some other factories or people.Those factories or people will buy the products for their using purpose.During that process,some valuable items are born and in use,assisting the economy grow up.Eventually,society benefits from all those valuable products and people can live better with those one.

It can easily infer to that it will need lots of workers once the factory is built.Hence it will give more working chances for local people and rise the employment rate up locally.As there are way many people in my community who lack working opportunities,it's an absolutely profitable for them to work in the factory.

The construction of a factory will undoubtedly promote traffic.Typically, a factory has to transport the materials it needs for further producting,and finally sell the products to the nexting buyers.Both the processes need a good traffic condition.If there were no roads, it's hard to imagine how difficult conveying materials and final products, especially for a large scale factory.The better condition traffic is in,the better chance the development of a factory has.

As to advantages,last but not least, is that building a factory can help the development of accessorial facility,such as shopping malls,restaurants and cinemas.As there will be more people coming here who works in the factory,they are more likely to spend their leisure time near the factory.For example, they may want to do some shopping,have a dinner with friends or go to see films when they are free.So it will be very convinent for them to do those just around here,no needs to go to the downtown far away.

Although building a factory brings us so many benefits, it is also harmful to local enrivonment and social crimes.The factory sometimes unavoidably emits some exhaust gas or liquid waste, which do harm to people's health.Besides,given more and more people come here for working,there are bigger chance of criming behaviors like thefts,drug uses and etc.

Of above discussion,while building a factory in my community has some disadvantages,they can be controlled properly. So in my opinion,its potential problems pale in comparison to its benefits,hence I support the constrcution of a large building.

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