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请各位大虾评一下处女作文。

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楼主
发表于 2007-6-6 06:44:00 | 只看该作者

请各位大虾评一下处女作文。

question: It is better to work in a small company or in a large company?

Answer:

People have two options when deciding where to work, either to work for a large company or to work for a small company.From my point of view, working for a large company is more benefical, because people can get more money, get more chance to promote and have a wider range of interpersonal relationship.

 

In the first place, the important reason in supporying my point of view is that working for a large company, people can get a better salary. Usually, large companies have more capital than small company, they need a great deal of money to run the business, including the costs of salary.

 

In the second place, another chief reason for my point of view is that it is more easy to be promoted. In a large company, it has many kinds of departments, so that if a employer works hard and he is appreciated by the manager, he would probably get a higer position like supervisor, if he carries on working with efforts, he must mave a promising future in this company.

 

Last but not least, the reason why I prefer to work in a large company is that people could make more friends than working in a small company. It is obvious that a large company usuall have a great many employees. When people working together, they have to communicate and cooperate with each other, through this process, friendship has been found among them which provides the posibility of getting help of your friends in the future. Therefore, this is the advantage of working in a large company.

 

To conclude, people could obtain a better salary, be easier to get a higher position and have the chance to know a lot of people in a large company. Therefore, we may reach the conclusion that it is preferable to work in a big company than in a small company.

 

 

请给个大概的得分还有意见吧。

沙发
发表于 2007-6-6 21:40:00 | 只看该作者

不是牛人不过也有一些建议

1.开头段模版化有些严重:重复命题+选择+原因

People seldom agree with each other even in such trivial issue as whether to work for a large company or a small one. W orking for a large company , from my point of view, is more benefical, because people can get more money, get more chance to promote and have a wider range of interpersonal relationship.

这样该会相对好一点

2.没有例子,如果正面例子没有可以用反面的,如第一个原因说在小公司工作的人每天六点起床左四十分钟的车到公司却只能领到2000的薪水等

3.句子结构太单一,这个建议看NCE3和4提高

总体来说论证结构清楚但还有很多细节要注意

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=251232&page=1

大牛德克的修改和集希望认真看一下

 

 

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-6-7 08:15:00 | 只看该作者

谢谢点评

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