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这是我发的第二篇拙文(刚刚忘记注明是第一篇了~)~谢谢大家哦~~TWE05

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楼主
发表于 2006-12-7 22:39:00 | 只看该作者

这是我发的第二篇拙文(刚刚忘记注明是第一篇了~)~谢谢大家哦~~TWE05

It is announced recently that a new factory will be build near our community by a company. This attracts the local people’s most concern and brings a lot of discussion. Some residents deem that the new factory will definitely brings us many profits. While, others wonder that accompanying with the growing industrialization, some disadvantages will also occur. And this is also my point. The establishment of the new factory should be deliberately planned, since once it run; it will change our town greatly.

 

 

Obviously, what we should know is that if the factory is build, it will indeed bring us much merit than ever before. Once the factory is build, what the owner need primarily are workers, which are the fundamental elements of the industrial. The increasingly need of workers will interact the unemployment to some extent. Many people who have the specific skills will be welcomed to the new factory rather than stay at home and do nothing. Moreover, one factory will not only increase the employment of the whole society, but also brings many profits in economy. Government can absorb more tax according to the profits the factory creates, and out of question, the extra tax fee will be put to build some basic facilitates for the local community, such as parks, swimming pools and so on.

 

 

Nevertheless, as the saying goes “Every coin has two sides”, the negative aspects of the establishment of the new factory can not and should not omit. The production of the factory will inevitably to create the industrial waste, which may pollute our environments badly. The water or the gas, which full with the harmful chemistry gradients, will be issued in the air and the river nearby. Not only will it kill the creatures in the river, but also the polluted water or air will lead to deadly diseases to the human beings. For example, if a person drink the water has been polluted or absorb too much weird odor gas, he might get the lung cancer or other horrible diseases.

 

 

In addition, as everyone knows, we live in a world that the environment became deteriorate day by day; we should not only consider the economic profits at the expense of sacrificing the environments. Instead of pursuing the money at all costs, people should pay a higher attention to the nature surrounded. We need a clean, blue earth and live harmony with the other creatures rather than a dirty plant will grey sky and dead bodies.

 

 

As far as I am concerned, it is impropriate to build a factory near the resident community. If doing so, the only result is that the people’s normal life will be interrupted. We won’t have a quiet life cycle since then. If the government indeed desire to build a factory, it can located in a place that is faraway from community and operation under a rigid regulation to control the emission of the wastes at best efforts to avoid the pollution.

 

 

谢谢大家 我QQ是369051393~ 常联系~~~

谢谢大家 我QQ是369051393~ 常联系~~~


[此贴子已经被作者于2006-12-8 22:18:07编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2006-12-23 14:08:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用减肥ING在2006-12-7 22:39:00的发言:

It is announced recently that a new factory will be build (t)near our community by a company. (累赘)This attracts the local people’s most concern and brings a lot of
                    (口语化)discussion. Some residents deem that the new factory will definitely brings us
                    (指代谁?和本句主语不对称吧?)many profits. While,
                    (while中间没逗号的,标点符号的使用要小心)others wonder that accompanying with the growing industrialization, some disadvantages will also occur(缺点怎么发生?搭配不对吧?).
                    And this is also my point.(口语化) The establishment of the new factory should be deliberately planned, since once it run(时态不对); it will change our town greatly(你怎么知道建厂这样的变化是极大的?太绝对了吧?).

Obviously(你的论据还没给出,就说显而易见..如果我是文章的作者,我在没有摆出我的论据之前就告诉你显而易见地结论是....你会不会觉得我主观臆断,将观点强加于人?作为写作者,特别是学术论文的写作的作者,最重要的是要按照读者的思路来,让读者顺着你的思路理性地思考,逻辑必须清晰合理,写文章,你得首先想想你的理由,你的用词,能不能说服你自己.如果你自己都觉得理亏,那又怎么能说服读者呢?), what we should know is that if(建议楼主去查一下IF的用法) the factory is build, it will indeed bring us much merit than ever before.(太绝对了吧?)
                        

Obviously(你的论据还没给出,就说显而易见..如果我是文章的作者,我在没有摆出我的论据之前就告诉你显而易见地结论是....你会不会觉得我主观臆断,将观点强加于人?作为写作者,特别是学术论文的写作的作者,最重要的是要按照读者的思路来,让读者顺着你的思路理性地思考,逻辑必须清晰合理,写文章,你得首先想想你的理由,你的用词,能不能说服你自己.如果你自己都觉得理亏,那又怎么能说服读者呢?), what we should know is that if(建议楼主去查一下IF的用法) the factory is build, it will indeed bring us much merit than ever before.(太绝对了吧?)
                

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