[原创]我的第一篇 期望大家能拍贴

以下是引用luopeilo在2006-4-21 15:08:00的发言：

topic168many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries .Why do some students study abroad?Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

Nowadays,it has  been coming into a tide  for Chinese students to choose to study abroad rather than domestically.On the basis on a recent survey conducted by a professional organization,the number of the students ,who choose to study overseas ,is increasing by more than 8% annually,and also there are three common reasons as follows:

1) “On the basis of”, not on the basis on. Maybe using according to here is better, and it's awkward to use "on the basis of" here.

2) Suggest the sentence you present your explanations be separate.  

"As far as I am concerned, such increase is explained in part by following reasons. "

The first reason is associated with studying  foreign languages.I will take studying English for an instance ,Studying English in China dose not make a path against the constant use of it in everyday life  abroad.Those students choose to study abroad so that they can live and be taught in a native  English-speaking environment . As a result ,English is picked up naturally and gradually .It is nearly impossible to master a second language in any better way. Meanwhile , according my own experience ,after studying in England last semester as a exchange student , I have found that when I have a conversation with my friend from England ,I can speak English  more fluently.

1) I will take studying English for an instance ,Studying English in China dose not make a path against the constant use of it in everyday life  abroad.

A conj should be used to link two sentences. We usually say take English study for instance, and omit “I will”

2) I do not think the latter part of the paragraph is good and needs further edit on the wording and sentence.

Another reason lies in that people can open themselves up to new experiences ,which can never be possessed by those ,who study home instead.In a foreign country ,different culture have our outlook broadened,unfamiliar custom make we challenge ourselves ,and  distinct environment let our life change.Besides those benefits, experiences abroad can offer us a whole new value and world view. In a word ,the experiences abroad is unique and precious .It is right these experiences that enrich our lives.

1. The first sentence is somewhat long and tardy. I suggest that the first sentence presenting your idea be concise. In addition, such words as "never" or "absolutely" should be avoided. I do not agree with your explanation that someone can never open themselves up to new experiences in China.

I guess you intend to mention the point of international version or life experience.

2. Errors are contained in the second sentence. “Different culture have? “ We usually say” Exposures to different cultures will broaden your horizon/outlook”. Make to makes and let to lets. In addition, this sentence is awkard.

3. A whole new value? Not correct. “ help to share or enrich our value systems”

Last but not the least reason is to acquire academic accomplishment .If asked why prefer to study abroad , proximately more than half of the students would agree that they choose to study overseas is to seek  success in their major, .Those  foreign schools can provide them with advanced laboratory  ,high-graded equipment .Many outstanding professors there are likely to instruct  them in their majors. All what the foreign school can offer  is helpful for students to realize their academic dreams.However ,students cannot be given such good conditions in home countries .The relationship between academic achievement and study environment abroad is similar to that between trees' fruit and irrigation.

Approximately more than half of the students would agree that they choose to study overseas is to seek success in their major---> Grammar error, read twice. Approximately more than half of the students would agree that a major incentive to study overseas is to seek success in their majors. Should be better?

From what has been discussed above, we can conclude that studying foreign languages ,gaining more experiences ,and obtaining academic accomplishment are  three primary reasons for students to chose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries .