AA010:斑竹又有的忙啦，哈哈

This past winter, 200 students from Waymarsh State College traveled to the state capitol building to protest proposed cuts in funding for various state college programs. The other 12,000 Waymarsh students evidently weren't so concermed about their education:they either stayed on campus of left for winter break. Since the group who did not protest is far more numerous, it is more representative of the state's college students than are the protesters. Therefore the state legislature need not heed the appeals of the protesting students.

The author of this argument claims that the state legislature need not have to pay attention to the protesting students. The basis of this reasoning is that only 200 students of Waymarsh State College went to the state capitol building to protest against proposed decrease in funding for various state college programs. The author further recommends that the group who did not protest is more representative of the state's college students because the group is far more numerous. At first glance, the author's argument appears to be somewhat convincing, but close scrutiny reveals that the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains.

In the first place, we must clarify the meaning of the nebulous concept "unconcern about education". If the term is synonymous with just staying on campus or leaving for holiday, then the statistics cited in the analysis would strongly support the argument. But, normally, we define the concept "unconcern about education" as at least including a large group of phenomena. For example, students do not go to school; students pay more attention on other subjects such as economy, politics and science; students know little about the education level of the rural area, etc. Thus, for the speaker the term "unconcern about education" must essentially carry the meaning as just staying on campus or leaving for holiday when something about education happens in their country.

In the second place, the author provides no evidence to support the claim that the college students of Waymarsh state as a whole are unconcerned about their education. The example cited, while suggestive of these trends, is insufficient to warrant their truth because there is no reason to believe the 1,200 students in the example are representative of the entire state college students. For example, if a large part, say a half, of the 1,200 students of the college have other important things to do so that they can not spare time to travel to express their concern about education, they would clearly be unrepresentative. The reason for this is obvious. If half of the 1,200 students could have been able to go for the protest, there would have been more students protesting cuts in funding for various state college programs.

In conclusion, the author fails to substantiate his claim that the state legislature need not have to pay attention to the protesting students because he commits the above mentioned logical mistakes and fails to consider the whole situations comprehesively. To strengthen the argument, the author must convince us that the term "unconcern about education" essentially carry the meaning as just staying on campus or leaving for holiday. Finally, to better evaluate the author's claim we would need more information about the number of students who are unconcerned about their education.

GG的开头和结尾已经写的很好了有很大进步，连接词也很好，语法错误也降低了也就是说结构语法修辞基本已经搞定了。现在的问题就是内容。反正GG要尖利的我就直说了哦。第一个逻辑错误问题很大。犯了一个strawman：作者没有说大学生不关心教育而是说不关心他们自己的教育。此外，那个clarify definition的模版你用在这里感觉很怪。你翻译成中文感觉一下，我个人觉得很不通顺。第二个逻辑错误找的比较对但是应该可以至少拆成两个，而且感觉写的比较不够简洁。鉴于GG马上要考了，短期提高语言的流畅性和简洁度似乎不大可能。所以给GG的建议是尽量找三个逻辑错误。这样时间一紧张你就不会一个错误说那么多话了。

我把我的提纲帖出来供你参考，建议不要贪多，把这篇再写一遍。然后贴出来再让大家帮你看看。

1代表学生的形成方式不知道。如果是随机产生的，那么去反对的学生完全可以代表学生总体。

2没去的学生不一定不关心。他们可能有更重要的事情要忙。例如要赶回家过圣诞节。有已经订好的寒假计划等等。

3此外，没去的学生之所以没有去很可能是因为他们觉得那些代表足可以代表他们表达心声。

其实偶写的过程中意识到这个问题啦，感觉有点上纲，没想到会这么严重；看来认真不够，要求还不严哪

这个当初纠错的时候就发现了，但因为实在不知道该归到哪类错上，就这么着啦；现在看来，还有很多方法可以对其批判

俺的模版就是很罗嗦的，因为害怕字数不够；唉

selective sample?

Sufficient?

Failing to consider the situation thoroughly?

偶的时间好宝贵的说；好吧，抽时间再反思一遍。

其实不是一定要把逻辑错误的名字说出来的。你只要知道是怎么错的，然后说的清楚基本就可以了。如果非要归类的话：

1gratuitous assumption

哦，好象这三个都是这种逻辑错误

我知道你时间少才给你那个建议的。个人觉得现在写不能只当练笔要有迅速的提高才行。如果没达到一定水平就写下一篇还不如把时间留给看提纲。

2和3我觉得是同一个错误，就是：没去的不一定不关心。

版主还有其它建议吗？

自己写了一篇AA10，版主看看吧。第三条是我后补上去的，版主看看合不合适。因为我觉得即使第三条成立，驳倒这个middle-conclusion对最终结果的损伤也不很大。

In the argument, the author concludes that the state legislature needs not to heed the appeals of the protesting students. To substantiate the conclusion, the author cites the fact that there were more students staying on campus and leaving for winter break than the ones protesting in state capital and assumes that the students who did not participate the protest were not so concerned about their education. The reasoning in this argument is problematic in several respects.

First, the author assumes that the students staying on campus and leaving for winter break are not so concerned about their education. However, the author offers no evidence that this is the case. It is possible that, having to study and seeking for some part-time works, these students did not take part in the protest under a tied schedule. In this month, these students plan to take another protest against the proposed cut in funding. To make the argument more compelling, the author would have to provide more persuasive evidence or survey to prove that these students who did not take part in the protest in this past winter are really not concerning their education.

Second, the author claim that the views of the 200 students taking part in protest are not representative views of the Waymarsh students, since the group who did not protest is far more numerous. However the numerous number itself cannot accurately reflects the views of students who did not pretest. Perhaps, the 200 students are randomly selected from the 12000 Waymarsh students, because most students thought that 200 students are enough to express the views of all Waymarsh students. But if the state legislature ignores the appeals of the protesting students, the 12000 Waymarsh students will organize more students to state capital until the state legislature heed heir appeals.

Third, the argument makes a hasty generalization about the types of issues the students were concerned about. These students who did not take part in the protest might be as concerned about their education as the students building the protest. It is possible that other issues related to education such as quality of teaching, the enrollment of graduate school, and studying abroad (struggle with ETS) are more popular with most students. If so, that numerous students did not protest in last winter does not demonstrate that these students were not so concerned about their education but might indicate that these students are sensitive to other education issues.

In sum, the argument is not very sound. To make the argument more persuasive and convincing, the author would have to exclude the aforementioned possibilities that might weaken the conclusion that the author maintains and supply more concrete evidence to demonstrate that the views of the protesting students are not representative views of Waymarsh students in general.

我汗！~我刚从南京回来...明天来看...

judy你有空你先上了，嘿嘿，我偷懒下...

你的第三段挑的逻辑错误比我的好。我也觉得我那个有点重复拉。文章写的很不错。注意连贯性和连接词的使用就好了。小的地方最好留3分钟检查一下打字很难万无一失的。

200 students from Waymarsh State College traveled to the state capitol building to protest proposed cuts in funding for various state college programs. 也许是固定搭配吧，是从这句原文里抄的。

It is possible that, having to study and seeking for some part-time works, these students did not take part in the protest under a tied schedule. In this month, these students plan to take another protest against the proposed cut in funding. 本来是想让蓝色的这一句也置于前面的it is possible that 之下，代表一种反驳、一个反例;看来有些割裂，那我在前面加个and可以吧。"It is possible that, having to study and seeking for some part-time works, these students did not take part in the protest under a tied schedule, and in this month, these students plan to take another protest against the proposed cut in funding. "

谢谢版主的建议。

还有大家不要误会，我没那么牛，第三段是我后加的，不是在那30分钟里写上去的。