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writing TWE115, looking for revision->Zeros修改标题,见谅!

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楼主
发表于 2005-8-6 00:38:00 | 只看该作者

writing TWE115, looking for revision->Zeros修改标题,见谅!

115. Some people prefer to plan activities for their free time very carefully. Others choose not to make any plans at all for their free time. Compare the benefits of planning free-time activities with the benefits of not making plans. Which do you prefer­―planning or not planning for your leisure time? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.




    Nowadays, modern technologies have made it possible that people can enjoy more leisure time. During holidays or weekends, people can take a long trip, join a sport activity or have a party. However, they are often faced with the problem of planning their free time carefully or making no plans. I will say both ideas have their own advantages.


    People can benefit a lot from making a simple but good plan. Good plans can help people to save money.  For example, I wanted to go to Halifax last summer and I called some travel agents about their prices. I was told if I would take the trip a week later I would get 20 % discount; therefore, I postponed my trip. Good plans make people enjoy their time. Last month, one of my classmates wanted to have a party, but he did not inform us until Friday afternoon and some people had already had plans. As a result, only a couple of people could make it to the party, so the party was canceled. A week later, he told us about his party four days before and almost everyone he invited showed up, and we had a really good day. Good plans also can save time. With carefully planning, people can compare different routes to the places they want to visit and choose the best one.


    People can enjoy their free time even though they do not have plans. Some people are working so hard during their work time that they do not have extra time and energy to make plans. Without plans, they can go to places that they can think of and they might also find something unexpected, which are usually exciting and amusing.


    Whether making a plan or not depends on the characteristics of each person. For me, making a good plan is always the best choice, because I have enough time to do some investigation about the places I want to go and I want to everything to go smoothly when I am enjoying my time.



沙发
发表于 2005-8-6 02:10:00 | 只看该作者

建议多用连词。这可以:1,增加你的分数。2,改进你的结构,3,锻炼你的思维。


可以做一下练习:文章基本不改动,把可以加连结词的地方都加上。比如:


Firstly, People can benefit a lot from making a simple but good plan.  On the one hand, Good plans can help people to save money.  For example, I wanted to go to LACE>HalifaxLACE> last summer and I called some travel agents about their prices. I was told if I would take the trip a week later I would get 20 % discount; therefore, I postponed my trip. On the other hand Good plans make people enjoy their time. For instance, Last month, one of my classmates wanted to have a party, but he did not inform us until Friday afternoon and some people had already had plans. As a result, only a couple of people could make it to the party, so the party was canceled. A week later, he told us about his party four days before and almost everyone he invited showed up, and we had a really good day. Beisdes, Good plans also can save time, because With carefully planning, people can compare different routes to the places they want to visit and choose the best one.

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2005-8-6 03:35:00 | 只看该作者

Really appreciate your help

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