我写的AI116 谢谢批评

116. “All employees should help decide how the revenues of their company or business should be used.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

这是我第一次写gmat作文，感觉都快语无伦次了，观点自己也不是很满意，因为是看着时间写的，所以没有细想，谢谢批评。。。

Now, it is common to believe that only advanced administrators have the right to allocate profit of company. While I can not completely agree with that. I believe if employees also be given the same right as their managers have, they can make more profit as back. Some reasons can explain this phenomenon.

Firstly of all, according to the common sense we have already known, employees are the actual creator of wealth in business. Although the strategic decisions making by employers are also important, no one can ignore the contribution of employees in the process of gaining profits. It is hard to imagine how to work in such a condition that neither comments nor advises can employees give to their work. And shame to face that neither power nor desire can they express to their career. That is to say, allowing employees to engage in making decisions of the profit can offer a passive and health work environment. That will undoubtedly benefit a lot to the company itself.

Secondly, employees at least should have the right to control the part of profit which will spent on them, for they maybe more familiar than their superiors about what they need, for example, insurance, welfare allowance and so on. They will work harder after the company meets their needs appropriately. We can view this policy as way to promote their desire for work..

However, decisions out of employees' ability may result in negative affects to certain professional business. Experience managers are suitable to deal with such task. In addition, Managers may also complain about the mess-up condition in case that no agreement can be achieved.

To sum up all the reasons raised above, the conclusion is apparent that employees have the right to know and decide the use of profit expect certain conditions.

有一个问题。。。awa评分的时候，会认为标点符号后面忘记空格是错误的吗？？因为word会视为错误。谢谢

opening and closing need more work.

The space after comma is ok.

字数太少了

有个别词用错了

而且，开头你先把原题的论点反过来说了一遍，然后又说not agree，这不就等于agree题目的说法了？？这样表达好吗？？还请NN指点