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[求助]TWE021請大牛們評評分,修改一下

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楼主
发表于 2005-4-13 22:55:00 | 只看该作者

[求助]TWE021請大牛們評評分,修改一下

In general, people are living longer now. The causes for this phenomenon are the most debated questions because many elements are mixed to result in this condition. However, in my opinion, I think there are three major causes for this phenomenon .I would like to present these three causes as follows.



The first reason is the development in technology. After the industrial evolution, there are many inventions that have influence the human's lives dramatically such as genetic engineering, advanced medical equipment, and many breakthroughs in medical research. Because these improvements in medical field, people can prevent lots of fatal illness and live healthier. Besides, many people always take many kinds of nutritional supplement such as vitamin, mineral, and others to prolong the aging process.



The second cause is the improved sanitation .In many countries, governments have realized that better environment is beneficial to their people's health. Therefore, governments spend lots of money to build more infrastructure and hospitals .Besides, they pay lots of attention on the training of doctors and nurses.



The final reason is the economy development. Because the living standard has been enhanced, people can spare more time to the health issue. For example, people who live in developed countries can spend much more time and money prolonging their live .However, people who live in undeveloped countries always think where to find jobs and foods .Therefore, people who live in undeveloped countries can't spare time to prolong their live.



Based on these three reasons I discussed above. I think that the development in technology, the improved sanitation, and the economy development are major causes for that phenomenon. Without these important elements, people will try to reach the minimum requirement of their daily lives.


沙发
发表于 2005-4-13 23:51:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用liaokangyu在2005-4-13 22:55:00的发言:

In general, people are living longer now. The causes for this phenomenon are the most debated questions because many elements are mixed to result in this condition. However, in my opinion, I think there are three major causes for this phenomenon .I would like to present these three causes as follows. 这个开头俺喜欢






The first reason is the development in technology. After the industrial evolution, there are 时态对吗,楼主再想想,感觉用完成时好些many inventions that have influence the human's lives dramatically这里最好加个逗号 such as genetic engineering, advanced medical equipment, and many breakthroughs in medical research. Because these improvements in medical field, people can prevent lots of fatal illness and live healthier. Besides, many people always take many kinds of nutritional supplement such as vitamin, mineral, and others to prolong the aging process.






The second cause is the improved sanitation .In many countries, governments have realized that better environment is beneficial to their people's health. Therefore, governments spend lots of money to build more infrastructure and hospitals .Besides, they pay lots of attention on the training of doctors and nurses.






The final reason is the economy development. Because the living standard has been enhanced, people can spare more time to the health issue. For example, people who live in developed countries can spend much more time and money prolonging their live .However, people who live in undeveloped countries always think where to find jobs and foods (and therefore) .Therefore, people who live in undeveloped countries can't spare time to prolong their live(care about their health condition).






Based on these three reasons I discussed above. I think that the development in technology, the improved sanitation, and the economy development are major causes for that phenomenon. Without these important elements, people will try to reach the minimum requirement of their daily lives.

5分应该是有的,加油!

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