(AI60)我的第一篇AI练习,请各位帮忙分析分析

花了50分钟,完成了一篇AI,写的时候感觉比较难,主要是不知道如何展开来说一个问题，还有就是有时候会不自觉的想好中文句式,去用英文表达.不知道该如何改进?而且字数好象也不够

请各位帮我分析一下我写的文章，帮忙推荐一下该如何改进?非常感谢!

60."Employers should have no right to obtain information about their employees' health or other aspects of their personal lives without the employees' permission"

According to the argument above, it is the right for employees to keep the information of individual health or other aspects as secretes, even to their employers. However, the arguer seems ignore that complexity of the problem, for it involves both the individual privacy and public profit. As far as I concerned, it is definitely correct that everyone have the right, but, in some situation, the information should be exposed to others if keeping the privacy will hurt others.

In modern society, the main purpose of a job for a employee is to fulfill the tasks required, but to share the private life with co-workers. As result, the information which is not related to job should not be exposed to employers unless the person do it volunteered. Moreover, it was also defined in laws of many nations to protect individual privacy, which demonstrate the importance of privacy in personal life. From those evidence, we can conclude that, in general situation, every employee has the right to keep some individual information, including health information, as privacy.

However, the assumption of the protection is that keeping the information would not hurt others. For instance, during the period of SARS in China, everyone was mandated to report their body temperature, which is a key factor to determine whether a person was infected by the virus, in order to find disease as early as possible. In this case, body temperature is a absolutely a private information, but during the emergency period, employers definitely have the rights to get the figure for the reason that, as we know, SARS was spread easily through air, especially in the enclosed space such as office. To conceal high temperature figure for one person would, sometimes, means the infection of people around him/her. No one should be granted the right of keeping privacy as a expense of damaging others' health. Although it is only a example in extreme situation, it tells the game rule of privacy.

From the discussion above, we can easily conclude that employers generally have no right to obtain information about their employees' health or other aspects of their personal life unless the privacy would be an origin of damage for other. The criterion for employers should be balanced according to the situation.

在论证的时候，最好加上first, second之类的连接词，这样结构会更清晰。机器批改的时候就是依靠这些标志来看的。

从思路上来看，你有点用AA的思路写Issue。其实AI只要求你给出立场和supporting reason就可以了，不用去分析题目内在的逻辑。

还有点小错，应该是an employee, 不是a employee，考试的时候要注意。这种小错多了，0.5分就被扣掉了。

谢谢各位的指点,其实我开始写的时候就打算从正反两方面说的，因为现在的思路好象不是很开阔，这些写比较容易些.

另外，还想请教一下,在AI中，单方面表示agree or not的写法,和两边都balance的写法,那个对ETS来说更prefer?

非常感谢!

最好要有5段

层次感加强!