jason509的作文楼

jason509 · 发表于 2014-9-9 17:20:25

9月8日综合：TPO 18 题目链接：http://www.51pigai.com/tofel-essay/toefl-tpo18-integrated
多谢指点啦！独立稍后就来。

The lecturer, who discusses the potentialsolutions proposed by the paragraph to save Torreya—a type of evergreen treeonce very common in Florida—from dying out, completely rejects all the threesolutions.

The first solution is unrealistic accordingto the lecturer. Due to either global warming or area drying out, the regionthat used to contain the micro-climate that suits Torreya's plantingrequirement has become too warm and dry to facilitate such micro-climate. As aresult, finding a suitable place at the same location is not practical.

The second solution of assisted immigrationis described as unpredictable. The lecturer gives an example of human assistingimmigration of black locust—another endangered species. The action did saveblack locust but resulted in it spreading too much beyond expectation andthrilling survival of other extinct trees. In this sense, assisted immigrationis not an adviceable solution either.

The third solution of preserving Torreya inresearch centers is considered inadequate by the lecturer. Because of limitedcapacity of research centers, the generic diversity, and thus the resistance topotential diseases is so weak that it cannot be a long term solution.

To conclude, none of the solutions reallysolves the problem in long term, without introducing potential harm to other equallyprecious species.

jason509 · 发表于 2014-9-9 18:00:16

9月8日独立：过去老师比现在老师对年轻人影响力更大

The development of education has been going hand in hand with that of human society. Teachers, as the subject of education, have constantly influenced one and another generation of young people. However, in the fast changing society today, even the power of this influence has changed dramatically.

In observing increasing number of students standing up and challenging their teachers’ opinion, especially when these actions being encouraged and praised as critical thinking, people are arguing that the influence of teachers on young people are much weak that it used to be.

This is indeed true if we take a closer look at the question and find the following evidence.
First, teachers used to be, but no longer is, not only the educator but also the dictator of young people. Before the industrial revolution, knowledge was only accessable to a limited number of people. These people, who possess the possibility of becoming teachers, are highly respected and carefully listened to not only by young people, but also their parents. Therefore, they are likely to have much stronger authority over young people than today, when knowledge is shared by more people and so does authority.
Beside parents and teachers, young people also have increasing number of sources from which they can learn. This results in the potential confliction of knowledge from different sources. Imagine you were young and innocent, if one single knowledgeable person told you tables are squared, you would believe firmly that all tables are squared; but if another equally knowledgeable person told you tables are round at the same time, you would not be that sure anymore and the influence of either person decreases. The reality is of course much more complex than shape of a table, thus much more confusion and less influence will be imposed by every single piece of conflicting information.

With the increasing spread of knowledge, it is reasonable to believe that teachers’ influence on young people has decreased and will further decrease in future.

loverony713 · 发表于 2014-9-9 22:24:39

The lecturer, (professor)who discusses the potentialsolutions proposed by the paragraph(reading更好) to save Torreya—a type of evergreen treeonce very common in Florida—from dying out, completely rejects all the threesolutions.（主谓之间成分过多）

The first solution is unrealistic accordingto the lecturer（最好说一下reading内容才能体现出冲突）. Due to（直接加名词） either global warming or area drying out, the regionthat used to contain the micro-climate that suits Torreya's planting requirement（suit用法 suitable for ） has become too warm and（or和你前面的对应但我觉得分别说更好） dry to facilitate（动词用的不太恰当） such micro-climate. As aresult, finding a suitable place at the same location is not practical.

The second solution of assisted immigrationis described as unpredictable（动词？）. The lecturer gives an example of human assistingimmigration of black locust—another endangered species. The action did saveblack locust but resulted in it（result in doing） spreading too much beyond expectation andthrilling survival of other extinct trees（不是灭绝的树）. In this sense, assisted immigrationis not an adviceable solution either.

The third solution of preserving Torreya inresearch centers is considered inadequate by the lecturer. Because of limitedcapacity of research centers, the generic diversity, and thus the resistance topotential diseases is so weak that it cannot be a long term solution.(没有主句)

To conclude, none of the solutions reallysolves the problem in long term, without introducing potential harm to other equallyprecious species. （后半句可不写其实结尾都可以不写）

字数有点少细节可以更多个别搭配不对用词不准确

【参考】

阅读部分需要提取的观点是：

- Main point: 专家提出三种方法来解决香榧树数量减少、濒于灭绝的问题

- Sub point 1: 在原地种植香榧树

- Sub point 2: 把香榧移到比原生地往北的地方

- Sub point 3: 把香榧移到研究中心

听力部分需要提取的观点是：

Main point: 三种方法都不能解决问题

Sub point 1: 原有气候已经不适合香榧生长

Sub point 2: 往北迁移可能会因生态入侵造成其他物种灭绝

Sub point 3: 研究中心承载能力有限，不能确保香榧能抵抗病虫害。

jason509 · 发表于 2014-9-9 23:23:41

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-9 22:24
The lecturer, (professor)who discusses the potentialsolutions proposed by the paragraph(reading更好) ...

谢谢emily, 关于细节的建议很有用~

chasedreamabc · 发表于 2014-9-9 23:30:45

嘿？咋回事

jason509 · 发表于 2014-9-9 23:43:45

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-9 22:24
The lecturer, (professor)who discusses the potentialsolutions proposed by the paragraph(reading更好) ...

emily 能帮我改下独立嘛，分组上写的是你改独立~ 我很喜欢你的建议。谢谢啦

jason509 · 发表于 2014-9-10 00:20:06

chasedreamabc 发表于 2014-9-9 23:30
嘿？咋回事

多谢angla~ 关于套叠从句的使用确实值得注意。话说用简单句式写出多样性真是不容易的。angla语法更加扎实啊。关于动名词的那条批注我仔细一想还真是如此。

jason509 · 发表于 2014-9-10 03:56:03

9月9日综合：TPO 19 题目链接：http://www.51pigai.com/tofel-essay/toefl-tpo19-integrated
多谢指点啦！独立稍后就来。

The claim proposed in the paragraph that buzzing will harm society in three different ways is completely denied by the speaker.

First, the paragraph argues that implies that buzzers have the incentive to mislead people. This is not true according to the speaker because the way in which buzzers are recruited determines that they can honestly promote a product-- buzzers are usually those who have experience on the product and like it. People who do not like it are not likely to be hired as buzzers, so that when you hear a buzzer praising a product, she/he is likely to be telling the truth at the same time.

The second statement in the paragraph-- that potential consumers are more likely to beleive in individual appraisals rather than printed advertisements-- is also refused by the speaker. He contends that people always have lots of questions after their promotion. These questions can be reasons not buying the product if not answered satisfactorily.

Finally, buzzing is thought to have brought mistrust and dishonesty to society in the paragraph, but to help building trust in the speech. The difference of the conclusions mainly come from the writer's and the speaker's different opinions on the previous two statements. The writer believes buzzers lie to potential consumers while the speaker argues that buzzers tell the truth and bring a better life to those who listen to their honest suggestions.

jason509 · 发表于 2014-9-10 04:37:20

9月9日独立：modern agriculture method damage the environment, but providing food for the growing population around the world is more important than protecting the environment

The idea that we can make unregulated use of the environment in the expense of future generations was popular in Europe before 20th century and in China before 1980s. However, it is now 21st century, a century when human have become more responsible to future generations and thorough about sustainability than ever have been. It is no longer appropriate to think like that. Therefore, providing food for the growing population is not an excuse for using agricultural methods that damage the environment.

It is cruel to imagine that good environment tomorrow is kept at the cost of starve population today. However, this imagination never comes true. At this point of time, technology has already brought up solutions that take both food production and environmental friendliness into account. Soil-less planting makes it possible to plant more on limited land surface; crops developed using generic techniques creates species that are much more productive; and more developed irrigation technique facilitates planting in dry areas like desserts which were never suitable for plants before. Most importantly, none of these modern agricultural methods harms the environment. Though there are indeed more harmful so-called-modern methods like use of pest killers and fertilizers, the truth behind the word ‘modern’ has changed in its meaning in the 21st century.

Even if there are conflict between the environment and food production, no simple decision of which is more important can be easily drawn. Eating up the environment is eating up the food supply of our future generations. One of the reasons why human kind has become much more developed than any other species is that we understand the importance of considering future generations. Once this principle consideration is abandoned, we are not far from the dangerous edge of de-civilization.

With a long-run horizon and knowing that modern agriculture does not necessarily increase food production in expense of environment, it is now so awkward to make the statement that ‘modern agriculture method damage the environment, but providing food for the growing population around the world is more important than protecting the environment.’

loverony713 · 发表于 2014-9-10 11:21:09

jason509 发表于 2014-9-9 18:00
9月8日独立：过去老师比现在老师对年轻人影响力更大

The development of education has been going hand ...

9月8日独立：过去老师比现在老师对年轻人影响力更大

The development of education has been going hand in hand(搭配对么?) with that of human society. Teachers, as the subject of education, have constantly influenced(exert inluence on) one and another(搭配) generation of young people. However, in the fast changing society today(赶紧换了这个表达吧并且以后再也不用...), even the power of this(指代什么) influence has changed dramatically.用even想突出的重点是啥？

In observing(主语是people 可以直接用ing分词形式) increasing number of students standing up and challenging their teachers’ opinion, especially when （最好前面的状语也是用when开头毕竟你这里有个especially表示突出）these actions being encouraged and praised as critical thinking, people are arguing that the influence of teachers on young people are much weak that it used to be. （终于出现主题句了完全没有必要新增一段；并且你主句前面的修饰语太多不好）

This is indeed true if we take a closer look at the question and find the following evidence.（同学你的排版。。。开头一段话背景+观点）

First, teachers used to be, but no longer is, not only the educator but also the dictator of young people.（这个not only but also让整个句子读的很累... 反正我读的很别扭） Before the industrial revolution, knowledge was only accessable to a limited number of people. These people, who possess（时态） the possibility of becoming teachers（其实有点让人费解）, are highly respected and carefully listened to not only by（俩介词你看到了么完全连贯不起来啊） young people, but also their parents（毫无意义）. Therefore, they are likely to have much stronger authority over young people than today（对比不对你这是和时间对比）, when knowledge is shared by more people and so does authority.

我觉得你这一段的逻辑有问题。你的主题句是 “老师不再是educator和director”。但是你的论述并没有解释这个原因啊！你只是说过去很少人得到知识，并且这些人有机会成为老师，因此被人尊敬神马的.. 你的重点应该放在为什么老师在过去更重要，和今天的情况对比。现在学知识的人多了并不能推出老师失去权威了。即便是你推理链条也应该用细节支撑。但我还是认为你应该说出一个更直接的理由说明论点。

BesideS parents and teachers, young people also have AN increasing number of sources from which they can learn. This results in the potential confliction of knowledge from different sources. Imagine you were young and innocent, if one single knowledgeable person told you tables are squared, you would believe firmly that all tables are squared; but if another equally knowledgeable person told you tables are round at the same time, you would not be that sure anymore and the influence of either person decreases. The reality is of course much more complex than shape of a table, thus much more confusion and less influence will be imposed by every single piece of conflicting information.

这一段话老师这个主体居然没有出现是怎么回事儿。。。。。你的推理是多种信息造成冲突因此每种信息的影响力下降。所以呢？这和老师对现在年轻人的影响有神马关系？？？所以我认为这一段严重跑题。。。顺便注意时态的变化。

With the increasing spread of knowledge, it is reasonable to believe that teachers’ influence on young people has decreased and will further decrease in future.

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