[写作小分队]新人备考九月底托福，请大家多多指教

ni_kate · 发表于 2013-8-20 21:21:23

新人加入，请多多指教

ni_kate · 发表于 2013-8-21 10:30:53

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

  There is a question.Do you think that it is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise? Somebody maybe choose to watch a movie or reading a book to relax.On the other hand, somebody think than doing physical exercise is better to relax.As far as my consider, watching a movie or reading a book to relax myself is a better choice.There are many statements supporting my opinion.

  Watching a movie or reading a book don't need no more power.When you feel tired, you mostly want to have a rest rather than do some exercise.Compared with doing physical exercise, you can watch a movie with your friend.It is convenience to chat. Reading a book is just need you sit there.You can learn many things from books, such as a stroy, a person's achievement, a kind of goodness, and so on.You just sit somewhere, knowledge make you feel better. Watching a movie or reading a book can relax your head and body. Jack is my friend.He is very working hard for his job.In the weekend, he often choose to watch a film at cinema or read a book at home.He says that relaxing makes me feel quiet. Form them we can see, what make people relax is watching a movie or reading a book.

  It is interesting that watching a movie or reading a book. You can choose different kinds of movie,such as action movies, love movies, and science fiction movies.Of course, kinds of books is also different.Many choice we can do. You can go cinema with your friend. It is a good way to communicate with each other. In working days, there is few time to know each other. If you read the same book with your friend, it's also a good topic.Better to communicate, better to make you clam. Why don't you choose watching a film or doing some reading to relax yourself.

  Although doing physical exercise is good for people's health, people need sometime to relax themselves.We can do some exercise to strong our body, but it's not a good way to relax.Relaxing is needing some rest rather than make you feel tried. Fortunately, watching a movie or reading a book is a good way to relax.I believe that relaxing is make you feel calm and quiet in your spare time. Choose to watching a film or reading a book is what we have to relax.

Mint静默 · 发表于 2013-8-21 14:21:39

tpo14综合已写完~请过目
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870505-3-1.html

ni_kate · 发表于 2013-8-21 15:41:32

Mint静默发表于 2013-8-21 14:21
tpo14综合已写完~请过目
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870505-3-1.html

好棒.............我还在磨磨唧唧中.....马上马上

ni_kate · 发表于 2013-8-21 16:12:34

综合TPO14，新人第一次写，求狠批，多多教导~
The lecture addresses the topic of the way of dealing with salvage logging, stating that salvage logging is beneficial both to a damaged forest and to the economy.This position disagrees with that of the reading passage, which advocates the idea that salvage cause serious and long damage.

First, the lecturer draws our attention to the point that cleaning up forests, after a devastating fire,does not necessary.The natural decomposing process will enrich the soil, contributing to the growth of new trees.It contradicts the reading, which suggests that removes the remains of dead trees and makes room for fresh growth immediately.

Also, the speaker raises the issue that it is true decaying wood is a suitably for insects, but it's really bad for the forest.The reading, on the other hand, states that salvage logging helps minimize the dangers of insect infestation, thus contributing to the health of the forest.

Finally, it is argued in the lecture that salvage logging has economic benefits. In fact, the economic benefit of salvage logging is small and doesn't list very long. The job of salvage logging is limited.This clashes with the point made in the reading that salvage logging requires more workers than traditional logging operations do, and create additional jobs for local resident.

Mint静默 · 发表于 2013-8-21 17:39:11

word里方便标记，我就不贴过来了~~~

ni_kate · 发表于 2013-8-21 19:23:41

Mint静默发表于 2013-8-21 17:39
word里方便标记，我就不贴过来了~~~

3Q3Q

综合写作练得太少，感谢亲了~

Kate1992 · 发表于 2013-8-21 20:22:08

不好意思啊，我一般都是晚上改的，所以改晚了~
There is a question.Do you think that it is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise? Somebody maybe choose【chooses, 和somebody保持一致】 to watch a movie or reading 【read】a book to relax.On the other hand, somebody think than 【that】doing physical exercise is better to relax.As far as my consider, watching a movie or reading a book to relax myself is a better choice.【点题】There are many statements supporting my opinion.

  Watching a movie or reading a book don't need no more power.When you feel tired, you mostly want to have a rest rather than do some exercise.Compared with 【好句子】doing physical exercise, you can watch a movie with your friend.It is convenience 【convenient】to chat. Reading a book is just need you sit there.【语法问题，just need sitting there】You can learn many things from books, such as a stroy, a person's achievement, a kind of goodness, and so on.You just sit somewhere, knowledge make you feel better. Watching a movie or reading a book can relax your head and body. Jack is my friend.He is very working hard for his job.In the weekend, he often choose to watch a film at cinema or read a book at home.He says that relaxing makes me feel quiet. Form them 【his experience】we can see, what make people relax is watching a movie or reading a book.
【这段头脑风暴呢，lz想出的好处灰常多】
【但是觉得就某一点展开详细论述会更好的说】
【譬如这段就说电影和读书可以让我们在休息的时候获得更多的知识，然后举例展开】
【感觉举的那个Jack的例子不是很具体，给人这种感觉“Jack这样做了，所以我们也需要这样做”。lz不妨说Jack这样做的好处，譬如他利用闲暇时间看书，眼界开阔，知识量剧增，blabla，所以这样做是好的】
  It is interesting that 【that去掉，that后面应接从句的】watching a movie or reading a book. You can choose different kinds of movie,【movies】such as action movies, love movies, and science fiction movies.Of course, kinds of books is 【are】also different.Many choice we can do. 【Thus we have many choices】You can go 【to】 cinema with your friend. It is a good way to communicate with each other. In working days, there is few time to know each other. If you read the same book with your friend, it's also a good topic.Better to communicate, better to make you clam. 【clam?是不是想说calm?】Why don't you choose watching a film or doing some reading to relax yourself.
【感觉前两段有重复的内容，粉色标记~，重复以后感觉有点乱了，感觉一段专门针对一个观点展开最好了】
【这段也有两个好处，一个是选择多样，一个是可以跟朋友交流，第一段也是列举了很多好处，那同样是列举好处，为什么要分两段呢？因为一段字数太多了？】
【我觉得分两段是因为有两个不一样的观点，一个观点阐述清楚了，然后分段，加个Moreover,再阐述第二个好处】
【其实我没看过托福的例文神马的，不知道是举得好处越多越好，还是阐释具体的好，所以以上是个人拙见~~】
  Although doing physical exercise is good for people's health, people need sometime to relax themselves.We can do some exercise to strong 【strong是形容词，可以说strength our health】our body, but it's not a good way to relax.Relaxing is needing some rest rather than make you feel tried. Fortunately, watching a movie or reading a book is a good way to relax.I believe that relaxing is 【is去掉】make you feel calm and quiet in your spare time. Choose to watching a film or reading a book is what we have to relax.
【lz有几处be动词和动词连用哦，需要注意撒】
【这段阐述锻炼的不好，建议lz就大写特写锻炼怎么使我们累，怎么使我们没精神，越具体越好，感觉这样更出彩~】

【All in all，lz的立意是无可挑剔的，但要注意语法和具体阐述哦~】
【一起加油！】

ni_kate · 发表于 2013-8-21 20:40:04

Kate1992 发表于 2013-8-21 20:22
不好意思啊，我一般都是晚上改的，所以改晚了~
There is a question.Do you think that it is better to ...

3Q3Q，灰常感谢~改进不足，想你多多学习~
根据标准，应该是越具体，逻辑性越强越好吧...

ni_kate · 发表于 2013-8-21 22:20:42

8.21 独立写作

父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情？

Do you think parents should play games or do exercise with children, or do somethings about school and study? Somebody may thinks that playing games and doing exercise is better to comminute with their children.By contact, somebody may thinks doing somethings about school and study is good to children to learn knowledge. In my opinion, parents should choose to play games or do some exercise with their children.

Playing games or doing exercise with children is a good way to communicate with each other. From many people's opinion, what we remember most clearly was playing games when we were children. My uncle Peter has a daughter, Jane. He often plays games and does exercise with her when Jane was very young. Many years later, Jane have been married. When she goes back to look her father, what they talk about frequently is the interesting things of playing games during her childhood.What a unforgettable memory. During paly games and do exercise, parents can communicate with child very well.

Children love playing games in nature. In school,ild it's time to chren learning knowledge. At home, it's time to children playing and relax. Playing games and doing exercise is better to their health than any other things. It's easy to keep a good habit when people is a child. Most of children love i-doing. Letting them release a part of their nature is good to health.

Although doing somethings about school and study can help children learn knowledge, children need something interesting more at home. Above all, there are many statements supporting my opinion. I believe that playing games and doing exercise can help children keep good habit and communicate with parents very well.

[写作小分队]新人备考九月底托福，请大家多多指教

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