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[报考] 8.24备考托福,作文求拍砖!

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楼主
发表于 2013-8-21 15:49:27 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Do you agree or disagree that the rules in societies today are too strict for young people?

Thinking about thriving economy, advanced technology, lots of people consider the current society is kind to the young citizen. However, there are lots of aspects they ignored, such as study pressure in school, complex human relation in office, money worship in marriage. That is why I propose that modern society are too strict to young people.
In the first place, focusing on exam, Chinese education system presses so much pressure in student. That is to say, the only way to be valued for the education system is to get a higher score, a situation causes student work hard to pass the only road, Gao Kao, to Roman. During the process of getting into a good university, children almost need to spend 12 hours a day to prepare for the final exam, college entrance examination which is considered as the most fair way to select student. But does the Gao Kao really that fair? It is like asking monkey, elephant, mouse, pig, duck climb up the tree, so we can image the pressure of students born in undeveloped province. Although lots of Chinese press is unwilling to report that the student’s commit suicide rate is higher than that of other country students. In one word, Chinese current education system poses too much pressure on younger generation.
Not only that, but also the complex human relation in office often conflicts lots of university graduation. In other words, since Chinese had the tradition of adulating the boss, recent society also pose the young people in a dangerous position when they fails to fawn the boss. How much does the Chinese people adulate their leader? The day after 911 event, if you excuse me, all of the presses report such disaster in their front page, except Chinese news papers, because for them the top priority is to report where our national leader visit. Different from what happened in china, let us see what happened in States. Although I maybe a freshman in Google, if I fortunately work in the Google headquarters, I may share my office with Google CEO. As far as I can see, such complex relation in the office conflict the younger generation a lot.
Finally, in order to match the figure of The World Second Largest Economy, Chinese society creates such a money-worship environment. That is to say, when a young adult comes to marry, the first criterion is a big house near city, a fancy car, a steady job. Do not they consider the feeling? The lover? Of course, but when a person has to judge such circumstances, those are the first.
In a nutshell, based on the aspects of school time, office time, marriage time, the reasons below persuade me that the current Chinese society are too strict to young people.


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沙发
发表于 2013-8-21 17:05:15 | 只看该作者
嗯,随便改一下,lz勿怪...LZ词汇基本功很好,学术词汇表达也比较恰当;复杂句使用不错,句法规范;过渡词和衔接词使用的比较不错呢,自愧不如In the first place, focusing on exam, Chinese education system presses so much pressure in student.
                            In one word, Chinese current education system poses too much pressure on younger generation. ...
有些冠词注意,这文章真的写的很好
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-21 20:12:30 | 只看该作者
elealigu 发表于 2013-8-21 17:05
嗯,随便改一下,lz勿怪...LZ词汇基本功很好,学术词汇表达也比较恰当;复杂句使用不错,句法规范;过渡词 ...

谢谢。其实我发现了好多主谓一致的问题。。
地板
发表于 2013-8-22 18:59:48 | 只看该作者
But does the Gao Kao really that fair?
这句话太奇怪了……没有仔细看完,思路还可以吧。语法错误微多……
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-22 20:06:25 | 只看该作者
熊猫小屁侠 发表于 2013-8-22 18:59
But does the Gao Kao really that fair?
这句话太奇怪了……没有仔细看完,思路还可以吧。语法错误微多… ...

嗯。主谓一致错误好像。。
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-22 20:38:48 | 只看该作者
Thinking about thriving economy, advanced technology, lots of people consider the current society is kind to the young citizen. However, there are lots of aspects they ignored, such as study pressure in school, complex human relation in office, money worship in marriage. That is why I propose that modern society is too strict to young people.

In the first place, focusing on exam, Chinese education system presses so much pressure in student. That is to say, the only way to be valued for the education system is to get a higher score, a situation causes students work hard to pass the only road, Gao Kao, to Roman. During the process of getting into a good university, children almost needs to spend 12 hours a day preparing for the final exam, college entrance examination which is considered as the most fair way to select student. But how fair Gao Kao is? It is like asking monkey, elephant, mouse, pig, duck climb up the tree, so we can image the pressure of students born in undeveloped province. Although lots of Chinese presses are unwilling to report that the student’s commit suicide rate is higher than that of other country students. In one word, Chinese current education system poses too much pressure on younger generation.

Not only that, but also the complex human relation in office often conflicts lots of university graduates. In other words, since Chinese had the tradition of adulating the boss, recent society also pose the young people in a dangerous position when they fail to fawn the boss. How much does the Chinese people adulate their leader? The day after 911 event, if you excuse me, all of the presses report such disaster in their front page, except Chinese news papers, because for them the top priority is to report where our national leader visits. Different from what happened in china, let us see what happened in States. Although I maybe a freshman in Google, if I fortunately work in the Google headquarters, I may share my office with Google CEO. As far as I can see, such complex relation in the office conflicts the younger generation a lot.

Finally, in order to match the figure of The World Second Largest Economy, Chinese society creates such a money-worship environment. That is to say, when a young adult comes to marry, the first criterion is a big house near city, a fancy car, a steady job. Do not they consider the feeling? The lover? Of course, but when a person has to judge such circumstances, those are the first.

In a nutshell, based on the aspects of school time, office time, marriage time, the reasons below persuade me that the current Chinese society are too strict to young people.
7#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-9-13 17:20:14 | 只看该作者
回来汇报。8.24作文24,总分为93.
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