Issue 12 结尾感觉有点仓促又不知怎么改

kekele007 · 发表于 2013-3-2 22:04:30

Government shouldoffer a free university education to any student who has been admitted to auniversity but who cannot afford the tuition.

Write a responsein which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning forthe position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you shouldconsider the possible consequence of implementing the policy and explain howthese consequence shape your position.

Obviously, thepolicy which suggests the government offering a free university education tothose students who can hardly afford their tuition is a considerably valuablepolicy. However, there are so many obstacles for implementing it so that thegovernment could add some additive forms synchronous to assure the force andpracticality of the policy.

Basic to oursocial development and advance, without doubt, is education and students.Observable as a tendency of our society is a increasing attention of thestudents' education and growth. If the government could actually execute thepolicy which would benefit people astonishingly/remarkably/extraordinarily,unarguably, the community will be more solid and harmonious. For example, astudent who originally could not afford his tuition of university may casesacquiring education from his young even the junior or senior school. However,with the free university education of government, the student may persist atschool and make more endeavors to be admitted in the universities. He, finally,may be obtains a great education and owns a better life.

Not only forindividuals will be benefit in view of the policy but would the whole societyget an astonishing number of advantages. Via the policy, tertiary education isavailable to everyone, and then there will be more elites in the future whichundoubtedly could contribute to our entire community. What is more, it providesthe rich and the poor with an equal opportunity of acquiring higher education.For instance, a poor boy who cannot afford his expensive tuition of theuniversity, are subsidized by government, he will, to a great extent, provideaid financial to the other poor children when he owns enough fortune. The casein which will turn into a positive cycle and an increasing number of peoplewill involve in it. Consequently, the education would be infused a remarkablefound. Hence, the policy may has a dramatically effects on our entire societythrough the progress of education.

Coincident withthe benefits about the policy make the poor's dream come true is theextraordinary number of problems such as the pressure of the national finance,the criteria of selecting candidates and etc. Even some situations wherestudents who could pay their tuition may cheat to obtain the financial aid areperhaps occurring in the following decades. These problems which will bring somany troubles become obstacles of implementing the policy.

However,considering the considerable benefits of this policy, government is not oughtto cease executing it. For purpose of addressing the problems, government canencourage the enterprises, charity groups and wealthy class to participate init to which extent could release the national financial pressure. In addition,a complete examining system are supposed to be established whose function isassuring those students is really could not afford their tuition.

To sum up,government is encouraged to promote the educational policy, and simultaneously,implement other accessional measures.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2013-3-3 11:28:50

感觉文章的逻辑还很不够，分析推理都太主观随意了些

竹林中人 · 发表于 2013-3-3 11:33:04

Obviously, the policy which suggests thegovernment offer a free university education tothose students who can hardly afford their tuition is a considerably valuablepolicy. However, there are so many obstacles for implementing it so that thegovernment could add some additive forms synchronous to assure the force andpracticality of the policy.

Basic to our social development and advancement,without doubt, is education and students. Observable as a tendency of oursociety is an increasing attention of the students' education and growth. Ifthe government could actually execute the policy which would benefit people astonishingly/remarkably/extraordinarily？, unarguably, thecommunity will be more solid and harmonious.这样的推理实让人糊涂。 For example, a student who originally could not afford his tuitionof university may cases acquiring education？ from his young even thejunior or senior school. However, with the free university education ofgovernment, the student may persist at school and make more endeavors to beadmitted in the universities. He, finally, may beobtains a great education and owns a better life.

Not only forindividuals will be benefit in view of the policy but would the whole societyget an astonishing number of advantages. Via thepolicy, tertiary education is available to everyone, and then there will bemore elites in the future which undoubtedly could contribute to our entirecommunity. What is more, it provides the rich and the poor with an equalopportunity of acquiring higher education. Forinstance, a poor boy who cannot afford his expensive tuition of the university,are subsidized by government, he will, to a great extent, provide aid financialto the other poor children when he owns enough fortune. The case inwhich will turn into a positive cycle and an increasing number of people willinvolve in it. Consequently, the education would be infused a remarkable found.Hence, the policy may has a dramatically effects on our entire society throughthe progress of education.

Coincident with the benefits about thepolicy make the poor's dream come true is the extraordinary number of problemssuch as the pressure of the national finance, the criteria of selectingcandidates and etc. Even some situations where students who could pay theirtuition may cheat to obtain the financial aid are perhaps occurring in thefollowing decades. These problems which will bring so many troubles becomeobstacles of implementing the policy.

However, considering the considerablebenefits of this policy, government is not ought to cease executing it. Forpurpose of addressing the problems, government can encourage the enterprises,charity groups and wealthy class to participate in it to which extent couldrelease the national financial pressure. In addition, a complete examiningsystem are supposed to be established whose function is assuring those studentsis really could not afford their tuition.

To sum up, government is encouraged topromote the educational policy, and simultaneously, implement other accessionalmeasures.

竹林中人 · 发表于 2013-3-3 11:35:09

建议ＬＺ在写提纲的时候，能好好先推理下，说理通不通，意思是不是集中，想到什么不急着写，先加工下。

kekele007 · 发表于 2013-3-3 16:11:39

恩我自己读的时候也能感觉到，想了下应该是分析的时候思维有跳跃，应该一推出来。我改改。谢版主

[issue] Issue 12 结尾感觉有点仓促又不知怎么改

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