朽木作文贴~~ 求指导求猛攻已然火烧眉毛了

xiumu2280 · 发表于 2012-9-17 17:56:29

9.17
Grades (marks) encourage students to learn？A\D
Marks become more and more common in our daily life to measure the quality of matters. You want to know whether the movie is deserved to watch. There will be a TOP 10 list on the web site and judge the details of the movie with exactly score. In this way the company will work hard to make a better movie. Same deal, the students should learn harder just for marks. The point of view seems superficially indisputable but totally incomplete to construct the logical chain. The discrepancies would be critically considered and corrected in the following parts of the article.

First of all. The interest is the foundation of study instead of marks. Bill Gates, a world famous person, quit from university because he did not enjoy the major. Then he established a company what was called Microsoft. It is no doubt that the interest of software make his success. We can not image the world without his invention. The interest contribute to people's success in many other fields.

Moreover, marks can not encourage students to learn and give them more pressure. In my class. The mark is an ordinary and obvious way for teacher to balance the standard of students. The pressure from the mark is so great that the students can barely stand it. Many students give up the course immediately just because they think it is no use to improve their marks. We do not want to see this phenomenon. It can not be denied that the marks will take more pressure on the students what is beyond their limit.

Finally, as for many students the mark is not important for them. The ability what they get is cared. The students do not pay much attention on the marks so the hypothesis that marks encourage students to learn is incorrect. The students already become logically on the problem of marks. Getting a higher or lower marks do not present their ability, and the process of study is the truly essential matter. This case is not rare, in reality, frequently many people hold the same view at the same time.

Admittedly, The marks will stimulate the students to work hard in a certain extent. However, the interest is the mother of study. What is more, marks will add pressure on the students ,and more and more students do not care about the marks .I therefore enhance my standpoint that marks do not courage students to learn.

shatong424 · 发表于 2012-9-18 00:11:22

能给发word行不用word 改习惯了

xiumu2280 · 发表于 2012-9-18 08:39:51

好啊贴上附件就行，不过还要在论坛上复制回复一下，要不版主看不见

shatong424 · 发表于 2012-9-18 13:47:40

word里面有给你的意见，语言上提升空间还很大，多练练

xiumu2280 · 发表于 2012-9-18 14:04:01

太感谢了··帮助非常大错误太多了

xiumu2280 · 发表于 2012-9-18 16:25:24

9.18 综合写作边写边想··根本就是手残结尾没来的急写！
The reading passage focuses on the subject that the ethanol fuel is not good enough as a replacement of gasoline. The professor's lecture deals with the opposite issue, however,he argues that ethanol is better than gasoline in the use of energy, which challenges what the reading states, and in the lecture, he use three specific reasons to support his idea.

First of all, even though the reading passage suggests that the ethanol fuel makes no function on the environmental problems, in other words, the ethanol produce as much greenhouse gas as the gasoline do. The professor makes a point in the lecture that the corn what is the source of the ethanol will absorb much more carbon dioxide in their planting life, which means, there is no more air pollution. Apparently, the professor's argument disproves its counterpart in the reading.
Moreover, contrary to the belief of the reading passage that the use of plant for making green fuel contribute to the decrease of the animals' use of corn. The professor contends that there is no influence on the animals' food, that is because the usage methods of the plant which are mentioned in the reading are totally different parts of the plant.
Finally, another important perspective showed in the reading passage is that the price of the green fuel would decrease with more and more people star to use ethanol fuel. but the reading passage presents a conflicting view that the cost of gasoline is lower than ethanol fuel.

SophieS123 · 发表于 2012-9-19 20:11:20

9月18日综合修改
The reading passage focuses on the subject that the ethanol fuel is not good enough as a replacement of gasoline. The professor's lecture deals with the opposite issue; however, he argues that ethanol is better than gasoline in the use of energy, which challenges what the reading states, and in the lecture, he use three specific reasons to support his idea.(这句虽然表达很清晰，但是有过长之嫌，拆成两句是不是更稳妥一点呢？)

First of all, even though the reading passage suggests that the ethanol fuel makes no function on the environmental problems, in other words, the ethanol produce as much greenhouse gas as the gasoline do(does). The professor makes a point in the lecture that the corn what (which) is the source of the ethanol will absorb much more carbon dioxide in their planting life, which means, there is no more air pollution. Apparently, the professor's argument disproves its counterpart in the reading.
Moreover, contrary to the belief of the reading passage that the use of plant for making green fuel contribute to the decrease of the animals' use of corn. The professor contends that there is no influence on the animals' food, that（改成which）is because the usage methods of the plant which are mentioned （删去which are会更简洁一些）in the reading are totally different parts of the plant.（个人感觉是不是应该说一下“动物不吃那部分”）
Finally, another important perspective showed in the reading passage is that the price of the green fuel would decrease with more and more people start(starting) to use ethanol fuel. But the reading passage presents a conflicting view that the cost of gasoline is lower than ethanol fuel.(without subsidies)

总结：整体来说不错，该写的点都写到了，许多短语用的非常好，学习一下~对了结尾不写也可以

xiumu2280 · 发表于 2012-9-19 20:35:28

非常感谢····我这听力和单词是硬伤啊，细节听不到···
还有这么多语法错误

xiumu2280 · 发表于 2012-9-24 23:00:50

9/24 写了一个小时·······
which do you choose to improve your health：kind of food you eat，amount of exercise，amount of stress

With the development of the society, a increasing number of people focus on the topic of health. Then many effective measures like dieting, doing sports, and proper stress have been taken to improve our health. As for me, proper amount of exercise contribute to our health. Several points in different dimensions will be explained to testify my hypothesis.

First of all, exercise exert positive effect on shaping our body and enhancing our breathing system. All eating no exercise makes person a fat man. A recent survey shows that more and more people die each year from diseases linked to fat. It is generally accepted the fact that exercise help us to reduce our weight and also reinforce our heart. Body in good shape avoids many chances of getting disease, and a strong heart provide us with endless energy in the daily life. Exercise keep our body in a good situation.

Moreover, doing sports can release our stress. Many experts claim that health means not only the strong of body but also a healthy mind. In the modern society, so fast the step of our world is that we cannot even breath rapidly. The stress we faced everyday have already over our limitation, what is worse, it is always no way for us to deal with the stress. To take my own experience as a case. When I bear great pressure, I will run in gym time and time again until I cannot take one more step. After that I usually feel comfortable and relax. This case is not rare, and in reality many people need to refer to the same phenomenon at the same time.

Finally, the proper amount of exercise is also important aspect in the improvement of our health. To much exercise do harm to our body. We feel tired after quite a heavy amount of exercise and this may last a longer time than we imaged. In addition, That feeling even influence our daily work. We may in depression for a whole week. Thus a proper and regular exercise plays a essential role in the process of building healthy body.

All in all, proper amount of exercise contribute to our body in shape and mind in peace. I therefore stick to my standpoint to choose amount of exercise as my final choice in improvement of health.

angelafeng · 发表于 2012-9-25 14:30:23

With the development of the society, a（an） increasing number of people focus on the topic of health. Then many effective measures like dieting, doing sports, and proper stress have been taken to improve our health. As for me, proper amount of exercise contribute to our health. Several points in different dimensions will be explained to testify my hypothesis.

First of all, exercise exert（用单数） positive effect on shaping our body and enhancing our breathing system. All eating no exercise makes person a fat man. A recent survey shows that more and more people die each year from diseases linked to fat. It is generally accepted the fact that exercise help us to reduce our weight and also reinforce our heart. Body in good shape avoids many chances of getting disease, and a strong heart provide（单数） us with endless energy in the daily life. Exercise keep （单数）our body in a good situation.（这句话前面加个表示总结的词像so或therefore，会比较好，要不然放在这里有点突兀。）

Moreover, doing sports can release our stress. Many experts claim that health means not only the strong of body but also a healthy mind. In the modern society, so fast the step of our world is that we cannot even breath （应该用动词形式breathe）rapidly. The stress we faced everyday have already over our limitation, what is worse, it is always no way for us to deal with the stress. To take my own experience as a case.（这个句子是个fragment，没有主语）When I bear great pressure, I will run in gym time and time again until I cannot take one more step. After that I usually feel comfortable and relax. This case is not rare, and in reality many people need to refer to the same phenomenon at the same time.

Finally, the proper amount of exercise is also important aspect in the improvement of our health. To （too）much exercise do harm to our body. We feel tired after quite a heavy amount of exercise and this may last a longer time than we imaged. In addition, that feeling even influence（单数） our daily work. We may in depression for a whole week. Thus a proper and regular exercise plays a（an）essential role in the process of building healthy body.

All in all, proper amount of exercise contribute to our body in shape and mind in peace. I therefore stick to my standpoint to choose amount of exercise as my final choice in improvement of health.文章结构完整，论证比较有逻辑，但是第三点论证略显单薄。
注意语法错误和单复数问题哦

文章结构完整，论证比较有逻辑，但是第三点论证略显单薄。
注意语法错误和单复数问题哦

朽木作文贴~~ 求指导求猛攻已然火烧眉毛了

修改 9 17 本人用的word 帮改的

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朽木 作文贴~~ 求指导 求猛攻 已然火烧眉毛了

修改 9 17 本人用的word 帮改的

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所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

朽木作文贴~~ 求指导求猛攻已然火烧眉毛了