叶子的作文贴

E月羽 · 发表于 2012-8-14 20:33:01

综合写作

E月羽 · 发表于 2012-8-14 21:43:10

The reading material and listening material talks about the truth of the portrait of the Jane Austen. Reading passage claims that the portrait depict the jane Austen. Nevertheless, the listening is not in agreement with that of the reading passage.
First of all ,according to the lecture, Considering the letter of Austen published in 1880 when Austen dead 17 years later, some of her family members may have no opportunities to see herself in person. Thus ,it is uncertain for Austen family to make sure whether or not the teenage girl in the picture is Austen. On the contrary , the author points out that this painting being strongly support by her family that Jane definitely is the girl in the picture.
Furthermore, the second point of different between the lecture and reading concerns whether the girl whose face is similar to Austen is Austen herself. The professor asserts that considering the Austen’s family is too big, it is possible that the girl is Austen’s relatives, such as hr consin M and C who are very like to Austen.
In addition, the authors points out that the style of the paint is linked to OH, who once served to Austen family and lived in Austen young’s period. However, the speakers argues that this paint could also be associated with ML, who served to the Austen family when Austen was 27 years old . therefore, when the paints was been finished , the age of Austen ,about 27 years old ,was older that the teenage girl in the protriat,

E月羽 · 发表于 2012-8-14 21:44:12

害羞的飘过~~~~感觉自己在不断的说废话

求大牛改正

猫和鸭 · 发表于 2012-8-16 09:15:18

The reading material and listening material talks about the truth of the portrait of the Jane Austen. Reading passage claims that the portrait depict the Jane Austen. Nevertheless, the listening is not in agreement with that of the reading passage.First of all ,according to the lecture, Considering the letter of Austen published in 1880 when Austen dead 17 years later, some of her family members may have no opportunities to see herself in person. Thus ,it is uncertain for Austen family to make sure whether or not the teenage girl in the picture is Austen. On the contrary , the author(这个author是说reading passage吗，感觉如果用author会和第一段所说的编书的作者有混淆哈） points out that this painting being strongly support by her family that Jane definitely is the girl in the picture.Furthermore, the second point of different between the lecture and reading concerns whether the girl whose face is similar to Austen is Austen herself. The professor asserts that considering the Austen’s family is too big, it is possible that the girl is Austen’s relatives, such as her consin M and C （弱问一下，写作的人名可以缩写呈示吗？如果是的话就太好了，我老是为这个犯愁呢）who are very like to Austen.In addition, the authors points out that the style of the paint is linked to OH, who once served to Austen family and lived in Austen young’s period. However, the speakers argues that this paint could also be associated with ML, who served to the Austen family when Austen was 27 years old . therefore, when the paints was been finished , the age of Austen ,about 27 years old ,was older that the teenage girl in the protriat.（这段的例证好像有点理解错误啊，听力里的驳论应该是说的是那个画布的销售商，而不是画家哈）

MM，感觉这个写作是你一气呵成的呀，很厉害啊，架构地很流畅，思路也很清晰的说，而且没发现啥语法错误啊，不像我的是改了好几遍才抠出来的哈，希望不会恶心到你喔，呼呼~~~

E月羽 · 发表于 2012-9-6 19:15:55

TPO11 综合

The lecture addresses each of the three criticisms of decreasing tendency of literature works reading mentioned in the reading passage.

The lecturer challenges the point in the article that the brilliant stimulation can not be provided due to the dwindling in book reading. She points out that in spite of the quantity of the available book diminished, the quality of the literature books, such as novel and poems, are increasing ,which could furnish the reader with more useful information and knowledge.

The speaker admits that the increasing amount of time of the general public are occupied by enjoying television programs, nevertheless, it not means the lower status of culture mentioned in the reading. Watching television is a novel avenue of culture change which represent the direction of literature development.

The narrator finally claims that the genuine reason of less literature caused by lack of reader is that the modern literature finished by authors articles are have more difficulty to understand than the past those so that more less people are willing to reading modern literature nowdays. However, the reading states that for the sake of poor level of readers ,the proportion of reading literature is reducing.

E月羽 · 发表于 2012-9-6 22:11:10

9月6日托福独立作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement :the most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our life time.

The speaker claims that we can cope with the most significant problems in our lifetime, this claim relies on the belief that the rapidly developed technology in today’s way could be enough(could ) to solve these problem.(it is enough for the hi-tech to solve these problem) However, in my view (in my point of view), the speaker oversimplify other essential factor, such as human nature, shortage of resource ,which would have significant influence on dealing with these issues.

Human are born to competition . the existence of competition decides that no effective way ,nowadays, would be to utility totally eliminating war. War is an overwhelming problem that has devastated the world for centuries and continues to be one of the world’s biggest problem we confront. In many cases, various measure once be took to end wars , such as reaching peace agreement ,sharing the frontiers with other country . the Second War was supposed to be “the war to end all wars”, which fully express the desire for the truce. However , we are incapable of living together in harmony in short notice since our world teem with competition. For example , waging war break out between two small in order to obtain the ownership of a new oil well. The politician of Iraq fight for power which brought suffering to the public. And people will cause war just due to the different religious stance. Therefore , It is possible that world peace will be achieved in our era if competition do not quit。

Secondly, the human nature ,such as selfish and greedy , keep us from the solutions of world’s biggest problem.
Experience tells us that individuals tend to act on behalf of their own short-term economic and political interest, not on behalf of the environment or the public at large. For instance, climate variation is also starting to take a serious toll as increased temperatures have insulted in flooding worldwide. An important part of tackling climate change is to decrease the amount of greenhouse gases, but as yet no real progress has been made since we are unwilling to pay tremendous prices for dealing. To be specific ,we are not prepared to giving up using our cars even though they will cause lots of pollutants . We are reluctant to use less electricity or gas ,which are beneficial to our environment. in addition, we also unwilling to pay the extra tariff or tax for the research of renewable energy. Indeed , some aspect of human nature that incur us put our own benefit at top priority when we make decision so that we can not deal with it nowadays.

Last but not least, Secondary problems intrigued by one of the most serious problem could elongate the time of dealing with it. It is well known that overpopulation is a very growing problem, which bring the shortage of food. China introduced a one-child policy in order to reduce the growth of the population, Nevertheless, it is unimaginable that this policy create an aging population where there are not enough young people to support the old.. as a result , No effective measures would be taken if we do no tackle the issue of the aging population.

In short, a variety of that have influence on our result of solution of the most important problems, such as competition, human nature and secondary problems. We cannot start real progress to deal with them within our lifetime.

shendang · 发表于 2012-9-7 10:52:38

9.6 综合修改
The lecture addresses each of the threecriticisms of decreasing tendency of literature works reading（看不懂这里，literatureworks 是一个词组？那reading 是什么） mentioned inthe reading passage.

The lecturer challenges the point in the article that thebrilliant stimulation can not be provided due to the dwindling in book reading.She points out that in spite of the quantity of the available book diminished,the quality of the literature books, such as novel and poems, are increasing,which could furnish the reader with more useful information and knowledge.

The speaker admits that the increasing amount of time ofthe general public are occupied by enjoying television programs, nevertheless,it not means the lower status of culture mentioned in the reading. Watchingtelevision is a novel avenue of culture change which represent the direction ofliterature development.

The narrator finally claims that the genuine reason of lessliterature caused by lack of reader is that the modern literature finished byauthors articles are have more difficulty（aremore difficult 比have more difficulty更简洁） tounderstand than the past those（ones） sothat more less people are willing to reading modernliterature nowdays(nowadays). However, thereading states that for the sake of poor level of readers ,the proportion ofreading literature is reducing.(综合作文重点是在阐述听力的东西，个人觉得把文章的东西写在前面，然后再来大篇幅说lecture怎么认为这样比较好，所以这个however可以放到这段的前面)

我听到的论据跟你有些出入，在这里写出来：
1，虽然读的文学书籍变少了，但是可能是因为多读了其他一些也同样是高质量的书，如sciencewritng
2，现在文化的形式是多样的，不再局限于文字上，可以是音乐或电影。欣赏好音乐或电影同样可以收获很多
3，人们读文学少不能怪读者，有些时候是作者的错。有些作者倾向于把书写得很难读懂，而他们这样做又常常是没道理的。

搞G战士DB · 发表于 2012-9-7 13:48:40

The speaker claims that we can cope with the most significant problems in our lifetime,(.) this claim relies on the belief that the rapidly developed technology in today’s way (nowadays就可，in today’s way导致逻辑错误，technology不能 in way，快速的发展可以)could be enough(could ) to solve these problem.(it is enough for the hi-tech to solve these problem(s)) However, in my view (in my point of view), the speaker oversimplify other essential factor（我觉得这只是个statement，题目要你发表你的观点，它并没有表明自己的态度，因此不存在过分简化的问题）, such as human nature, shortage of resource ,which would （为啥要这个would？）have significant influence on dealing with these issues.

Human are born to competition （compete）. (The)the existence of competition decides that no effective way ,nowadays, would be to utility totally eliminating war(这一句- -是想表达没有有效的办法可以完全的消除战争吧。decides that there are no effective way that can totally eliminate war. utility totally连用感觉不好 ). War is an overwhelming problem that has devastated the world for centuries and continues to be one of the world’s biggest problem(s) we confront. In many cases, various measure(s) once be took to end wars , such as reaching peace agreement ,sharing the frontiers with other country .(The- -) the Second War was supposed to be “the war to end all wars”,(英文里是没有双引号的) which fully express the desire for the truce. However, we are incapable of living together in harmony in short notice since our world teem with（这个是神马？） competition. For example, waging war break out between two small （small what?）in order to obtain the ownership of a new oil well. The politician of Iraq fight for power which brought suffering to the public. And people will cause war just due to the different religious stance. Therefore ,（大小写啊亲）It is possible that world peace will be achieved in our era if competition do not quit。（.）

Secondly, the human nature ,such as selfish and greedy , keep（s） us（是不是掉了一个away？） from the solutions of world’s biggest problem. Experience tells us that individuals tend to act on behalf of their own short-term economic and political interest, not on behalf of the environment or the public at large（at large没有这个意思）. For instance, climate variation is also starting to take a serious toll as increased temperatures（temperature可数？就算可数这里也不用复数吧） have insulted in flooding worldwide. An important part of tackling climate change is to decrease the amount of greenhouse gases, but as yet no real progress has been made since we are unwilling to pay tremendous prices for dealing. To be specific, we are not prepared to giving up using our cars even though they will cause lots of pollutants. We are reluctant to use less electricity or gas, which are beneficial to our environment.（大小写……） in addition, we also unwilling to pay the extra tariff or tax for the research of renewable energy. Indeed, some aspect of human nature that incur us put our own benefit at top priority when we make decision so that we cannot deal with it nowadays.

Last but not least, Secondary problems intrigued by one of the most serious problem could elongate the time of dealing with it. It is well known that overpopulation is a very growing problem(看不懂……), which bring（s） the shortage of food. China introduced a one-child policy in order to reduce the growth of the population, Nevertheless, it is unimaginable that this policy create an aging population where there are not enough young people to support the old. as a result , No effective measures would be taken if we do no tackle the issue of the aging population.

In short, a variety of that have influence on our result of solution of the most important problems, such as competition, human nature and secondary problems. We cannot start real progress to deal with them within our lifetime.最后一句，我们是没办法开始么？开始还是可以的吧，只是没法彻底解决。

具体的错误在上面指出来了。总体来说不错哈，用词很考究，结构和思路都没有问题。注意一下细节，比如大小写，比如标点符号，还有要特别注意主谓一致。然后一些没有把握的词或用法就别用了，很容易变成中式英文，用简单词汇也比出错好。然后有的句子太绕了，比如第三段最后一句，看起来会很不舒服，注意一下。
水平有限，只能改到这程度了。也学到了很多，一起继续加油哈~

临窗听雨 · 发表于 2012-9-7 16:56:23

楼主模仿新东方范文的痕迹太重了

9月6日托福独立作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement :the most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our life time.

The speaker claims that we can cope with the most significant problems in our lifetime, this claim relies on the belief that the rapidly developed technology in today’s way could be enough(could ) to solve these problem.(it is enough for the hi-tech to solve these problem) However, in my view (in my point of view), the speaker oversimplify [overlook/ignore/neglect是不是更好? 或者oversimplify the issue]other essential factor, such as human nature, shortage of resource ,which would have significant influence on dealing with these issues.

Human are born to competition. The existence of competition decides that no effective way, nowadays, would be to utility totally eliminating war. War is an overwhelming problem that has devastated the world for centuries and continues to be one of the world’s biggest problems we confront. In many cases, various measures once has been taken to end wars, such as reaching peace agreements ,sharing the frontiers with other country . The Second War was supposed to be “the war to end all wars”, which fully express the desire for the truce. However , we are incapable of living together in harmony in short notice since our world teem with competition. For example , waging war break out between two small in order to obtain the ownership of a new oil well. The politician of Iraq fight for power which brought suffering to the public. And people will cause war just due to the different religious stance. Therefore , It is possible that world peace will be achieved in our era if competition do not quit。

Secondly, the human nature, such as selfish and greedy , keep us from the solutions of world’s biggest problem. Experience tells us that individuals tend to act on behalf of their own short-term economic and political interest, not on behalf of the environment or the public at large. For instance, climate variation is also starting to take a serious toll as increased temperatures have insulted in flooding worldwide. An important part of tackling climate change is to decrease the amount of greenhouse gases, but as yet no real progress has been made since we are unwilling to pay tremendous prices for dealing. To be specific, we are not prepared to giving up using our cars even though they will cause lots of pollutions. We are reluctant to use less electricity or gas, which are beneficial to our environment. In addition, we are also unwilling to pay the extra tariff or tax for the research of renewable energy. Indeed, some aspects of human nature that incur us put our own benefit at top priority when we make decision so that we cannot deal with it nowadays.

Last but not least, Secondary problems intrigued [激起兴趣]by one of the most serious problem could elongate the time of dealing with it. It is well known that overpopulation is a very growing problem, which bring the shortage of food. China introduced a one-child policy in order to reduce the growth of the population, Nevertheless, it is unimaginable that this policy create an aging population where there are not enough young people to support the old. as a result , No effective measures would be taken if we do no tackle the issue of the aging population.

In short, a variety of that have influence on our result of solution of the most important problems, such as competition, human nature and secondary problems. We cannot start real progress to deal with them within our lifetime.

[tr] [td][/td] [td][/td] [/tr]

beiyezi · 发表于 2012-9-8 20:54:25

你的9.7的独立捏，我貌似要改你的

叶子的作文贴

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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