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[作文互改] ISSUE 9 求拍~~~

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楼主
发表于 2012-8-25 19:08:42 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
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       Nowadays, along with the rapidly technical development, many fields of endeavor got a fast advance. For the benefits of human beings as well as individual achievement, almost all people in the modern society want to make a contribution within field they engaged in. However, how can a person make a significant contribution is still on debate.

       Admittedly, as this statement emphasized, firstly study past achievements within a particularly field helped a lot to make a further contribution. On the one hand, the learned mechanism and observed phenomenon, which may get by costing so much time as well as numbers of experiments of earlier scholars, make us effectively and rightly to understand things within that field so that we can easily to use it for the further research. On the other hand, the methods, whatever it finally got success or not, used by pioneers proved us many ways of thinking in the later business. Therefore, past achievements play an important role in the later success, as an old saying goes” we are advance at the shoulder of the past huge”. However, does it impossible to make the significant contribution without the influence by past achievements? The information I’ve learned leads me don’t believe that, the main reasons are as the following:
       Firstly, when we face to a wholly new field, there are no past achievements we can use, can we say this field can’t get advance? The answer is exactly the opposing, namely, not only we can make contribution, but also it’s the opportunity for us to get a great achievement. Newton, as we all know, found the gravity law and then, as many physicists said, open a new door of mechanics so that the later researchers can get many amazing achievements to benefit human beings based on it. What’s more, Einstein creates the relativity also make the huge contribution for the further business of the space plan of human. Both of the former example, as well as many others not mentioned, are definitely a significant contribution even they are not influenced by the past achievements.
       Moreover, in spite of the newly field as discussed above, I remain unconvinced that the statement is absolutely right. As a double edged sword, the past achievements can make a strongly influence on helping a person to make a significant contribution as well as on stopping him. The more a person learned from the past achievements, the more possible he will fell in a solid way of thinking as the former, so that it is difficult for him to make innovation or to make a further significant contribution, particularly in a field seemed studied well. In this case, it is much helpful for a person not being strongly influenced by the past achievements to study the objects in an innovative way and to get a huge contribution easily.
        In sum, past achievements play an important role in the later development, however, it is not enough to make the conclusion that it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first strong influenced by the past achievements within that field.
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沙发
发表于 2012-8-26 11:01:38 | 只看该作者
many fields of endeavor got a fast advance.  觉得这句话有语法问题。
板凳
发表于 2012-8-26 17:58:00 | 只看该作者
你的第一段看不出你的立场和观点how can a person make a significant contribution is still on debate.这样一句话,我想是不足以作为一个观点的吧
this statement 我觉得不要这么简单地进行指代,最好重新提一下
study past achievements within a study应当用动名词形式
, which may get?
make us effectively and rightly to understand 中间的两个副词应当用adj
within a particularly field helped a lot to make a further contribution如果你能举出一个具体的实例就好了,比如某个具体领域
However, does it impossible 这里是不是应该是新的一段的开始啊,否则,一段的末尾来一个however就表明你前面的都是次要的哦
leads me don’t ?
地板
发表于 2012-8-26 17:58:41 | 只看该作者
小的语法错误不少,多加注意。另外注意文章内容安排和多做具体分析
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-28 11:55:15 | 只看该作者
多谢普渡哥!一直不擅长语法,都是从看的文章里找语感,觉得读的通就OK,所以自己写的时候经常拿不准怎么组织句子结构,请问可以怎样练练?多谢!
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-28 12:04:51 | 只看该作者
感谢竹林,我是想的在第一段只是引出这个话题,第二段让步一下,后面再主要说我反对的观点,感觉这个套路可以通用,,,ETS改作文倾向开头就表明观点么?你是用的哪种套路呢?另外感觉写这么多字很费时间,尤其我作文练的不多,请问一般ISSUE和ARGUMENT 分别多少字左右就OK了呢?再,你觉得像这篇ISSUE能得多少分呢? Thanks for your help!
7#
发表于 2012-8-28 13:14:44 | 只看该作者
当然倾向于开头就给出观点咯,直截了当,本身字数写不来太多。多练习吧,速度字数不成为问题,重要的是写作能力本身,句子要写对
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