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[作文互改] Issue 13 墙裂求拍!

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楼主
发表于 2012-7-29 21:12:32 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
Issue 13

University should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study.



I concede there are several merits in the speaker’s claim, after all, the world we lived in presents a seamless web of physical and anthropogenic forces, which interact in ways that can be understood only in the context of a variety of disciplines. However, the speaker falsely extends this broad assertion to every student while ignoring certain compelling reasons why every university require every student to take a variety of classes outside the students’ field of study might be unjustifiable.



I agree with the opinion that in certain circumstances, taking some courses outside one's own field can bring a lot of benefits such as satisfying one's interest, boarding horizon, improving knowledge structures and so on. After all, different disciplines have different yet valid ways of seeing the universe and human society. By accepting knowledge different from their own, students can learn more of the broad range of the human experience and broaden their vision by richer themselves for seeing beauty and truth in its many forms. Also, some one who don’t like their own major may have chances to learn something they really enjoy.



However, the author ignores the circumstances that not every university has the capability or desire to provide a variety of different courses. Consider Shanghai Art College, which is major in music and painting, can they offer classes such as computer science/ financial management or biology engineer? I highly doubt this. Thus requiring their students to study plenty of other courses are unfeasible. Furthermore, let’s take a look at the intent and meaning at education. In my perspective, education provides wisdom, innumerable lessons for living, and useful value-clarification and perspective—all of which help us decide how to live our lives. Understanding social cues, spawning inventions and creating works of art are all crucial mental tasks that bear little relationship to how excellent a student can perform in different courses. If the college



Even the schools can and will provide these classes, there is no necessary or possibility to require every student to learn. Because there are many students can’t even handle their own majors, how can they spare their valuable time and energy to other field? For those who perform well in their own majors, there are also problems. For not everyone is interested in other discipline, some may prefer to devote their whole heart and soul to music. After all, the genuine purpose of education is rooted not in stuffing “knowledge” or “principles for living” but rather eliciting the potential of students aimed at helping them to realize the riches within themselves. Too many other courses will do hamper rather than help to this goal. The students may ask for them what the value of learning physics is. Studying unwillingly will not instill these students any solid knowledge or skills, to the contrast, it maybe just a waste of time for both the students and the teachers.



Though requiring every students take a variety of classes out of one’s own major seems tempting, it’s not only futile but counter productive as well.



提纲:

1.学生是否要学习很多别的专业的课程要看他们是否有兴趣,以及是否适合。也要看学校的条件能不能开出课来。

2.即使可以开出课来,上许多别的专业的课也是需要考量是否合适的。专业相关的可以多些,纯粹兴趣甚至可能干扰正常学习的就要少些。

3.真正受过教育的大概应该是指有理想有道德有专业技能全面发展的学生(这个定义怎么样?应该有更好的定义),这不一定需要在大学里上各种课程才能实现。

4.要求未必能学好,兴趣是最好的老师。例如我就不喜欢被命令做什么事,因为这样好像是被外在要求了,减少了自我激励(经济学上加薪未必能够增强积极性等查找)

5.这不是最好的方式,甚至不是一个值得建议的方式。(结尾句)



第一篇issue练习,坑吧坑吧写得真够痛苦的,耗时一个半小时,最后写出来的文章跟列的提纲差别很大。其中有些所谓“闪光句”还是从之前自己整理的句子里copy过来的,没有真正背出来或者写出来。不过还是要自我鼓励一下,经过了这么长时间的酝酿,这个难产的第一篇作文终于出炉了,感谢竹林中人的鼓励,并墙裂求拍砖!
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沙发
发表于 2012-7-30 08:58:28 | 只看该作者
先说说提纲吧,这是个建议或者政策类的题目,首先可以适当分析下这个建议或政策可能的目的,然后依据目的,分析建议的可行性(是否能够实施),必然性(是否必然有效,是否会带来负面效果),最佳性(是否可以有更好的建议),你的提纲中的几点,我觉得有点凌乱,加强组织下。
we lived in 这里不用过去式吧
reasons ?why every university require every student to take a variety of

reason 后面不需用why了
boarding horizon,应是broaden
richer这里应该是enriching
遣词造句略显生疏,需要加强,用词一定要准,前后句子在语义要有衔接或者逻辑联系,学会用句群表达一个意思。
板凳
发表于 2012-7-30 08:59:04 | 只看该作者
加油,继续努力
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2012-7-31 20:46:22 | 只看该作者
3qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-7-31 20:46:38 | 只看该作者


看了竹林中人的点评意见,真是行家一出手就知有没有。找的问题很准确,基本上是自己写作中很大的误区,我自己却没有看出来的。例如argument里面的,我从来没有意识到原来自己没有把assumption提炼出来,只是把evidence罗列上去了,可能潜意识里觉得这是不言自明的?但是这样文章看起来就是“不通”。这真是好大一个盲点。

给的意见很有建设性,issue里说对于建议或政策类的题目,首先要分析一下“可能的目的”,insightful。我只想过这样做可能有什么好处,算是“影响”吧,“影响”与“目的”还是有很大差的,既然是建议,那么目的应该更好一些。(其实还不会写成目的……)然后后面段落的逻辑推演过程很合理,目的可行性必然性最佳性。我自己只有左右开弓,乱七八糟的堆上去……

总之好牛好牛,大大佩服!

遣词造句略显生疏,需要加强,用词一定要准,前后句子在语义要有衔接或者逻辑联系,学会用句群表达一个意思。”—这个部分因为今天时间有限,还没有仔细揣摩,明天再做这个功课吧,今天还米有做填空和阅读。作文开始的太晚,现在觉得时间各种捉襟见肘……
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