【写作小分队】越人歌的作文楼子~~

越人歌 · 发表于 2012-2-29 16:07:52

新人占座

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-2-29 16:40:55

Welcome 越人！
作文多多练习，会有显著飞跃~

越人歌 · 发表于 2012-3-1 19:44:08

TPO 15
The focus of the speaking and lecture is about preventing the population of cane toad from growing. The reading material raises three solutions to solve the problem, while the speaker in the lecture think all of them are neither useless or may do harm to some other specious.
At first, the speaker asserts that the idea of building a national fence may not work well. That is because cane toads often lay strings of their eggs in water, in this way, the eggs can easily cross the fence through underground water.
Secondly, the speaker says that they cannot just ask some volunteers to capture the cane toads. According to the reading material, people can easily catch cane toads and the eggs of them can destroyed in a moment. However, the speaker worries that the volunteers may not be able to distinguish them from native species and this may consequently influence the habitants.
Furthermore, the speaker doubts that the disease virus may cause great damage to other creatures. This perspective differs from what is maintained in the article that the virus is specifically harmful for the cane toads. The speaker supports her opinion by citing an assumption that the virus may be carried from Australia to America, where the cane toads came from, and do harm the local cane toads there.
In conclusion, all three reasons listed above illustrate that the speaker objects to the solutions discussed in the reading material.

boboo · 发表于 2012-3-2 11:38:37

红色修改，蓝色疑问，高亮精彩。

Thefocus of the speaking and lecture(最好对应下，article 对 lecture，reading 对 listening) is about preventing thepopulation of cane toad from growing. The reading material raises threesolutions to solve the problem, while the speaker in the lecture think all ofthem are neither useless or may do harm to some other specious(应该是species？).
At first, the speaker asserts that the idea of building a nationalfence may not work well. That is because cane toads often lay strings oftheir eggs in water, in this way, the（these感觉更好点）eggs can easily cross the fence through underground（应该是河流等的waterway，地下水好像没提到） water.
Secondly, the speaker says that they cannot justask some volunteers to capture the cane toads. According to the readingmaterial, people can easily catch (young) cane toads and the eggs of them(their eggs更简洁些) can destroyed(destroy) in a moment. However, the speaker worries that the volunteersmay not be able to distinguish them from native species and this mayconsequently influence the habitants.
Furthermore, the speaker doubts that the diseasevirus may cause great damage to other creatures（后面点是对的，应该就不是other creatures，只是American cane toads）. This perspective differs from what ismaintained in the article that the virus is specifically harmful for the canetoads.The speaker supports her opinion by citing an assumption that the virus may becarried from Australia to America, where the cane toads came from, and do harmthe local cane toads there.
In conclusion, all three reasons listed aboveillustrate that the speaker objects to the solutions discussed in the readingmaterial.

整体很不错，个别点应该再注意下。
每段的安排应该变化一点，不要总是先说speaker，也可以先说writer。
另外最后一段一般都可以不要的。

一起加油！

越人歌 · 发表于 2012-3-2 22:23:23

Nowadays, with the fast development of the international technology and globalization, dealing with the blowing out information has become a tough task for each individual. Every day when we walk down the street, there is hundreds of advertisement showing on the board, and the LED screen is broadcasting some headline news all the time. But should we know all the events happening around the world, even if it has nothing to do with our life? For different people, the answer should be quite different according to their distinguished background. In my point of view, although the speaker's position is not wholly unsupportive, it is reasonable for most common people to live a good life without knowing all the events happening around.

To begin with, most people are short sighted in their daily life, who sticks to their own benefits and self-interests. They live a peaceful and happy life, and there is no need for them to worry about the international issues, which are beyond their common knowledge and abilities. Take my grandmother as an example; she is a 63-year-old farmer, who concerns only about growing vegetables. Once I told her about the financial crisis, she felt puzzled at first, and then started to complain about the hot weather again. So absolutely those big news has nothing to do with her.

Admittedly, it is probably true that in certain conditions it is our duty to care about our country by discussing some global events. Nonetheless, this alone does not constitute a sufficient support to claim that we should pay close attention to all news happening around the world. As a matter of fact, nearly all the heated topics on the newspaper and internet have a close relationship with common people’s daily life. Most people do not even take a look at the corner news about a remote country.

All in all, although some people may still remain unconvinced, the factors and reasons I have analyzed could at least make them more aware of the various dimensions of the issue under discussion.

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-3-2 23:40:13

晨依来修改~先占个楼……一会儿就发上来

红色为错误，蓝色为疑惑或建议，高亮为精彩！
Nowadays, with the fast development of the international technology(国际技术？)and globalization, dealing with the blowing out(吹熄；应为blowing up爆炸) information(比较地道的说法为information explosion)has become a tough task for each individual. Every day when we walk down the street, there is hundreds of advertisement(are hundreds of advertisements;可数的喔) showing on the boards(signboard/billboard更好), and the LED screen is broadcasting some headline news all the time. But should we know all the events happening around the world, even if it has nothing to do with our life? For different people, the answer should be quite different according to their distinguished backgrounds. In my point of view, although the speaker's position is not wholly unsupportive, it is reasonable for most common people to live a good life without knowing all the events happening around.

To begin with, most people are short-sighted in their daily life, who sticks to their own benefits and self-interests(建议放在people和are中间部分，读起来感觉好一些；搭配有点奇怪：坚持他们自己的利益和私立？). They live a peaceful and happy life, and there is no need for them to worry about the international issues(international affairs更好), which are beyond their common knowledge and abilities. Take my grandmother as an example; she is a 63-year-old farmer, who concerns(注意哦concern是使…关心的意思，所以要用be concerned about)only about growing vegetables. Once I told her about the financial crisis, she felt puzzled at first, and then started to complain about the hot weather again(前面没有说过hot weather, 这里写again不是很恰当呢). So absolutely those(the/a) big news has nothing to do with her(life).

Admittedly, it is probably true that in certain conditions it is our duty to care about our country by discussing some global events(这里想变换表达是好的，注意到了表达的多样性，但是一定要用正确地道的搭配哦！). Nonetheless, this (this point/this idea)alone does not constitute a sufficient support to claim that we should pay close attention to all news happening around the world. As a matter of fact, nearly all ~~the~~ heated topics on(in) the newspaper and (on the) internet have a close relationship with common people’s(普通人ordinary people/average people)daily life. Most people do not even take a look at the corner news(news by the corner of the newspaper) about a remote country.(以上两句的关系没搞明白~？)

All in all, although some people may still remain unconvinced, the factors and reasons I have analyzed could at least make them more aware of the various dimensions of the issue under discussion.

【点评】开头和结尾写得很不错，我很喜欢你的表达！美中不足是开头感觉有点长了，显得头重脚轻啦、建议在论述观点的时候例子可以更充实一些，在平时多积累一些搭配和用法~ 一起加油↖(^ω^)↗

越人歌 · 发表于 2012-3-6 20:56:09

3月4日综合
The focus of the article and lecture is about protecting an endangered plant, the Torreya taxifoha. The writer raises three possible solutions to solve the problem, while the speaker thinks none of them will work well.

To begin with, the speaker says that reestablishing Toeerya in the same location is unlikely to be a satisfactory solution. That is because Toeerya like wet and cool climate, but the weather of Northern Florida has changed greatly as a result of the global warming, it is now a lot dryer than before.

Secondly, according to the reading material, people can move Torreya to an entirely different location, where the temperature is significantly cooler. On the contrary, the speaker is totally against this idea. In order to persuade us, she cites an example to illustrate her opinion that moving a creature to a different region will probably break the local ecosystem and put many native trees in danger.

Finally, the speaker doubts the writer’s viewpoint that preserving Torreya in research center will help it from disappearing. Species need to have genetic diversity to prevent potential disease, but, since people can't have a large number of trees in research centers, those preserved Torreya will not be able to survive in nature environment without people’s help.

越人歌 · 发表于 2012-3-7 18:15:46

3月7日独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability to adapt to a new environment is more important than excellent knowledge for a job.

The issue of whether the ability to adapt to a new environment is more important than excellent knowledge for a job is a complex one. Different people hold different ideas according to their distinguished backgrounds. Some people may assert that the basic knowledge has an unshakable status in work life, while others insists that nobody can live a successful life without the ability to adapt to a new environment. In my point of view, the final judgment should be based on a case-by-case analysis.

In general, the excellent knowledge for a specific job is obviously the foundation of every career. In the contemporary society, where the social division of labor has already become mature, only professional training can get people into a well-paid industry. The more professional you are, the higher salary you will get, and that may partial explain why many youngsters want to become doctors, lawyers and auditors.

On the other hand, the ability to adapt to a new environment is a more flexible one. Actually, this knid of ability is a combination of three different abilities, the ability of fast learning, the skill of social communication and the capability of collecting resources. With those anilities, an individual can get to a higer position of his or her career, rather than just survive.

As to which ability is more important, the answers vary according to different industries. The excellent knowledge is more important for highly professional jobs, for example, the dentist. We can hardly imagine a doctor, who has never been trained before, doing operation on someone. At the same time, the ability to adapt to a new environment is more important for social workers, especially business people, since working experience is much more required in solving social affairs. What’s more, since the world environment changes over time quickly, social worker has to improve themselves in their whole life so as to catch up with the impermanent society, and learning by doing will be a more efficient way than sticking to the regular knowledge from books. To sum up, I think whether one ability is more essential than the other depends on the circumstance.

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-3-7 23:20:26

红色为错误蓝色为建议高亮为精彩
The issue of whether the ability to adapt to a new environment is more important than excellent knowledge for a job is a complex one（one最好改成具体的一个词）. Different people hold different ideas according to their distinguished backgrounds. Some people may assert that the basic knowledge has an unshakable status in work life, while others insists that nobody can live a successful life without the ability to adapt to a new environment. In my point of view, the final judgment should be based on a case-by-case analysis.

In general, the excellent knowledge for a specific job is obviously the foundation of every career. In the contemporary society, where the social division of labor has already become mature, only professional training can get people into a well-paid industry. The more professional you are（建议少用you）, the higher salary you will get, and that may partial explain why many youngsters want to become doctors, lawyers and auditors.

On the other hand, the ability to adapt to a new environment is a more flexible one. Actually, this knid（kind打错了吧） of ability is a combination of three different abilities, the ability of fast learning, the skill of social communication and the capability of collecting resources. With those anilities, an individual can get to a higer（higher） position of his or her career, rather than just survive.

As to which ability is more important, the answers vary according to（用from比较好呢） different industries. The excellent knowledge is more important for highly professional jobs, for example, the dentist. We can hardly imagine a doctor, who has never been trained before, doing operation on someone（operating on someone就好了）. At the same time, the ability to adapt to a new environment is more important for social workers, especially business people, since working experience is much more required in solving social affairs. What’s more, since the world environment changes over time quickly, social worker has to improve themselves in their whole life so as to catch up with the impermanent society, and learning by doing will be a more efficient way than sticking to the regular knowledge from books.

To sum up, I think whether one ability is more essential than the other depends on the circumstance.

我觉得很有条理，也没有什么错误，唯一的建议是能写几个例子充实一下~加油！

越人歌 · 发表于 2012-3-9 14:57:59

3月8日综合
The focus of the article and lecture is about the whether the ethanol fuel can replace the gasoline. The reading raises three reasons to indicate that the ethanol is not a possible replacement, while the speaker in the lecture thinks none of them are convincible.

The first reason, as the reading mentions, is that the increase of ethanol fuel cannot help reduce the amount the carbon dioxide released to the environment. That is to say, the replacement will have nothing to do with the global warming. However, the speaker argues that the ethanol fuel is made of plants, which can absorb carbon dioxide when growing up. In this way, no extra greenhouse gas is produced when the fuel is burned.

Secondly, the speaker asserts that the using of fuel will not decrease the crops used to feed the animals. To illustrate his idea, he cites an example of a kind of plant, which can be used to made ethanol fuel but cannot be eaten by animals. So the production of ethanol fuel will not threaten the food supplement of animals.

Furthermore, the writer is quite confident that the ethanol fuel will never be able to compete with gasoline on price, considering that this new industry is profitable only because of the tax subsidies in the past 30 years. Unfortunately, the speaker refutes his opinion, criticizing that when more people are using and producing the ethanol fuel, the cost will decrease dramatically, giving competitive advantage to the ethanol fuel.

【写作小分队】越人歌的作文楼子~~

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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