[讨论]AI002——临近考试第一篇，请大家狠拍

终于克服恐惧心理，今天晚上完成了第一篇不计时issue，还有10几天就要考了，请大家批改，结构、用词和语法点，谢谢了！！

2. “It is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make, independently, the sacrifices necessary to conserve energy. International leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential if we expect to protect the world’s energy resources for future generations.”

The speaker asserts that International leadership and worldwide cooperation are needed to protect the world’s energy resources, since it is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make, independently, the sacrifices necessary to conserve energy. As far as I am concerned, I agree with what the speaker said. My view can be greatly substantiated by the following discussions.

In the first place, the salient reason that can be displayed to support my viewpoint is the furious competition between individual countries. As we all known, nowadays, every country in the world is becoming more and more competitive in the field of energy resources. The reason of the situation is that the ownership of one country can determine the rank of the individual country’s comprehensive strength in the world. And the action of sacrificing their own benefices 这两处描红色的地方没有形成紧密的联系to protect the energy resource will be harmful for their status in the world’s competition. Left to their own devices, individual countries, like people, will act according to their own short-term motives and self-interest. Under this circumstance, it is evident that it is unrealistic to expect individual nations, individually, to make the sacrifices for energy conservation.

In the second place, there is another reason for my statement. The reason is not so far to seek: just like the resolutions of any other global issues, the treatment of protecting the energy resources in the worldwide needs the efforts of all the nations in the world all the same. Therefore, international leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential. 这两句话之间不是因果关系,实际上是后一句对前一句的重复或改写.因此你这一段没有中心句,即理由.For instance, climate change is a global problem requiring action from the entire international community. Countries from around the world are working together to share technologies, experience, resources and talents to lower net greenhouse gas emissions reduce the threat of global climate changes. And through these international efforts, the situation is becoming better gradually. 你到此为止显得不好,因为你的目的是针对能源,但你没有把相同的逻辑写出来应用在能源上.

Admittedly, it may be de facto true that the corporation between nations may cause problems such as disagreements, conflicts and so on. However, this fact alone does not necessarily constitute a strong opposition to efforts of the international leadership and the worldwide cooperation. Actually, these cases are uncommon and therefore are too specific and too deficient to oppose my statement. When almost all the situations are contemplated, the conservation of energy primarily depends on the efforts of international leadership and worldwide cooperation. 太模式化,并且没有详尽的理由和例子进行支撑.比如说,When almost all the situations are contemplated,这里你在文章中就说了一两处,怎么是所有的情况呢.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, which always intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more convincing, we may safely arrive at the  conclusion that international leadership and worldwide cooperation are more essential and realistic than individual nations if we expect to protest the world’s energy resources for the future generations.(441)