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2月28日就考了,作文一直很烂,发一篇请大家拍砖

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楼主
发表于 2009-2-21 14:13:00 | 只看该作者

2月28日就考了,作文一直很烂,发一篇请大家拍砖

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to visit a new place is to travel in a group led by a tour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

With the development of people’s life and the accumulation of people’s foundations, “Were have you been to during your holiday?”has become one of the most popular topics when people meet with each other after a holiday. There is no doubt that the idea to travel in a group with a tour guide is marvelous. However,it doesn’t represent the define of the best way to visit a new place.

 

Planning to visit a new place, people always mention “travel agency”, since people find it efficient to travel in a group led by a tour guide. During the trip, the tour guide will performed as a babysitter, taking care of all the people in the group. Nevertheless, he will introduce the must-sees and the history of the lace of interests as well. Having the benefits of saving time and well-organized, traveling in a group will never fail to fascinate visitors.

 

As the benefits of traveling in a group are obvious, the disadvantages are apparent as well. Majority of visitors might have the experience as waiting for others on a bus when they traveled in a group. At the same time of waiting for others, your time to visit the nest scene is cut off. Moreover, before visiting a new place, people are used to looking it up in a book or on a website. Since different people have particular demands, their lists of places to visit will be totally different, even on the contrary. If these people get into the same group, biker will not be averted.

 

As it is said that everything has advantages and disadvantages, people need to make the appropriate choice according to their requirement and demand. There is no the best but the most befitting.

沙发
发表于 2009-2-21 23:51:00 | 只看该作者

文章中最好不要使用绝对化的语言,no doubt….

Marvelous 有惊奇,出乎意料之意,
            
也与前面的no doubt 相矛盾

doesn’t 文章中不要使用缩略词

感觉用词太大,developmentlifemarvelous …

还有就是不准确的问题

Holiday 多指节日法定或习俗上能够停止通常的商业活动来纪念或庆祝某一特定事件的日子
            
vacation 多指休假,假期专用于娱乐、休息或放松的时间,尤指职员的有薪度假

developmentaccumulation….

我也是28好的,作文也不好,我们相互改吧~

板凳
发表于 2009-2-21 23:53:00 | 只看该作者

我改了下第一段: 有错的地方见笑了~

With the improvement of standard of living and the Increase of personal property, people usually get a long-expected vacation after an exhausted work. More and more people choose tour to relax themselves and enjoy their private time. Travel in a group with a tour is popular and acceptant. People, who think of this form is convenient or efficient way to journey, often enjoy in it. But is it the best way for journey without any condition of people’s habit or interest? 【举个例子,说明个人喜好不同】

地板
发表于 2009-2-21 23:55:00 | 只看该作者
你后面第二段说了好处,第三段又说了缺点,感觉与你第一段提出的论点矛盾,最好还是支持一方,反对一方,这种平衡写法难度比较高,个人感觉哈~
5#
发表于 2009-2-21 23:58:00 | 只看该作者
without consider any condition of people’s habit or interest?
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2009-2-23 19:32:00 | 只看该作者

我是属于那种对文章结构把握不是很好的人,一直不知道应该怎么样写好一片toefl的文章。这篇之所以前面写有点后面写缺点是为了说明travel in a group是一个很好的方式但是却不是最好的。

这样看起来会自相矛盾是吗?

如果是你碰到类似这种有最高级和比较绝对的题目时,会怎么写呢?

i'm looking forward to hearing from you soon

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