[求助]发篇作文，求拍,多谢了！

Some people thinks(think. Be careful of the form of the words. You should make yourself clear whether you are using the single form or the plural form) that it is more important to work at a job that they enjoy than it is to earn lots of money. I basically agree that interest plays an important role in(at) work. However, the salary we get from the job is also an indispensable factor for choosing jobs. It is not a good idea for us to take a job only from interest.

(Some people may think that whether they enjoy while working should be considered as an extremely crucial respect. However, I would probably pay more attention to how much money I can get. As the old saying goes, "Money talks." Thus, I would say that it is advisable to pursue a high-paid job instead of the one which I am interested in but pays low.)

Admittedly, interest is the best teacher and could serve as a powerful impetus for one's work. When one loves his/her job, he/she(s/he) will spare no efforts to make achievements in his/her career. For instance, Thomas Edison, the famous(a famous or the most famous, there is no "the famous") inventor in the USA, patented 1093(showing you know the exact number won't add much to your score, and if you are wrong telling the stat, the raters are gonna kill you. So it is better to say "hundreds of thousands of") inventions during his lifetime, which should be ascribed to his great interest in invention. If Edison had chosen to work as a doctor or a lawyer, he might not have become the famous inventor who lit the world.

However, when admitting the importance of interest, we cannot turn a blind eye to the salary we get from the job. On the one hand, money is indispensable(this is the 2nd time you use indispensable, try "vital" or "critical") in our daily life. We need to purchase a house to live in, prepare food to eat and pay the doctor for getting cured. It will cost us money in these occasions, so we should get a higher pay for maintaining living. It is hard to imagine what their life will be if a physicist only get low-paid and a artist who loves drawing very much could not sell out his paintings.

On the other hand, if one could only get a low pay from job, he/she could not do lots of things and will waste a great deal of time in trivial things, which will have a adverse effect on his/her job. Low-income people will concern much about where they could buy bargains and how to save money with various methods, which will affect their work more or less. In the same way, they could not do many things they want to do. For instance, they could not buy expensive clothes and delicious food as they wish, let alone go abroad for a travel.

In sum(in sum is too informal, you should at least say in summary), a decent salary is also an important factor in jobs. We should take interest and money into account together when we are choosing jobs.

Advices:

1. Obviously, you are not trained well, so you gotta practice a lot.

2. Something about paragraph 1. If I were the rater, I would assume that you were in favor of getting a high salary job, even you were not interested in it. But the following paragraphs show that you didn't either one of options. So that's a litle bit confusing. And, what is more important is that you gotta choose one from the two options gave in the topic. By the way, it's like a suicide if you just copy what was said in the topic, you always gotta change at least a little bit to show your ability to write well.

3. You'd better stop writing for a while and see how other people write their essays, I bet you'd learn a lot from them, or you will just remain making mistakes.

非常感谢楼上的点评，收获很大。

想问两问题。

1.是不是ibt的文章最好不要写折衷的文章? 我的这套路是被g的作文害的，一写就容易两面性。

2.下面这句话

When one loves his/her job, he/she will spare no efforts to make achievements in his/her career.

当人的性别不能确定时，这么写行吗？he/she改成(s/he)？

however是副词，不可以用来连接两个句子。

如果知道具体的数字，就一定用具体的数字，那就是details。