作文求拍～请教德克和众牛牛！！谢谢！！

上次那文章太奇怪，德克都没法改了。。

这次花了一个多小时才憋出一篇。。。一不小心写到400，又无从删起。。。

怎么提高速度啊？？？还有，字数怎么控制呢？28号就考了啊。。。

求赐教。谢谢过目&批改文章，感激涕泠，激动等待中。。。

Did you spend as much as half of your University life excercising yourself in the gym while only the rest half browsing books? Will you expect your children exercising in their University while borrowing books from other other ones? Can you conceive a College with a library system still at last century's level acompanying a brand new gym boasting all state-of-the-art facilities?

Despite the physical and mental well-being outdoor activities brought us, I assume that the majority, including myself, will positively say no to the questions above. In other words, I am strongly against the policy that university devides money equally between the gym and the library.

For a start, you do not have to look very far to find out why this suggestion is  not appropriate. The answer is simply based on the purpous people go to Universities. According to a survey done in 2006 on www.tom.com, nearly 70% of interviewees attend colleges basicly to gain more professional knowledge. Further more, a reseach done by our University Assosiation in January shows that less than 5% of the subjects spend more time in exercising than studing. And in fact, we cannot tell the existense of students who are majoring in Sports among this 5%. The two research clearly reflects that people's expectations for a College. That is to say,they would judge a University by the acadamic prospect and the value majoring there instead of its variety of spoprts activities. Once loosing the trust and recognition of the mass, this policy is probably proved to be unsuitable.

Subsequently, the general shortage in funds for University and the availability of sports outside campus constitutes another cause of this issue. In China, for instance, education system is said to receive 2% of GDP from the govornment while the real sum of funds received turns out to be less than 1% every year. What's more, the College is sharing the money with both primary schools and high schools when sustaining inconceivable pressure from 13 billion people. In this case, renewing sport's facilities tend to be less impetuous since public parks generally meet the demand of the basic outdoor activities. This case is not rare, millions of colleges in developing countries are under the same embarrasing condition.

It is an equal factor that acadamic and relaxing facilities need to be renewed in two different frequency based on their own attributes.In a university, students can tolerate a running-machine with only 3 speeds to run at, whereas can scarcely bear a library without the most signifcant acadamic research data in recent years. Fast as the knowledge evolves, the library requires more funds.

I do not deny the merits of outdoor activities.However, in conclusion, it's unwise to support the gym with the same amount of funds which library requires.

其实我也是28号考试

但是我这边最近有事，中午看看可以不可以给你改

真的太谢谢了！！

鞠躬。。。

我在学校的电脑上,尽量改的说

Did you spend as much as half of your University life excercising(exercising) yourself in the gym while only the rest half browsing books? Will you expect your children exercising in their University(在their后面，接复数) while borrowing(immersing themselves in，最好不要用borrow，这里用一个把他们自己沉浸在书中似乎更好) books from other ones? Can you conceive a College with a library system still at last century's level accompanying a brand new gym boasting all state-of-the-art facilities?(这个后面最好接一个at least, I do not expect such things in my university.不然的话别人会觉得这段不太完整：问了这样的问题，一定要回答。第一段你用的排比似的开头，没有用完全对称的结构，这很好，至少错落有致，而且有暗示的作用。语言还可以提炼一下。)

Despite the physical and mental well-being that outdoor activities brought(can bring) us, I assume that the majority(就说你自己就可以了，不要太明显的来一个majority,你可以在后面加一个：and in this, I believe, I do not stand alone), including myself, will positively say no to the questions above. In other words, I am strongly against the policy that university devides money equally between the gym and the library.(如果你时间够，可以像这样用排比开头，如果比较紧张，就可以直接点。不过，排比这样的用法很好，但是要注意的是：结构不要太对称，比如全部都是have you开头。然后就是语言的表达里边有暗示性的词汇来表达你的观点。排比的开头是可以练习的。开头的话，如果你时间比较紧张，最后专练习一种。我今天晚上把开头的第一种写法发出来)

For a start, you do(one does) not have to look very far to find out why this suggestion is  not appropriate. The answer is simply based on the purpous(purpose) people go to Universities(这个句子的表达的effectiveness不好,可以改为:For a start, in a light of people’s purposes to go to universities, one can easily see why the suggestion mentioned above is not an appropriate one). According to a survey done in 2006 on www.tom.com(改成一个人家知道的:Yahoo.cn), nearly 70% of interviewees attend colleges basicly to gain more professional knowledge(nearly 70% of college/university students attend college/university to acquire more professional knowledge). Further more, a reseach done by our University Assosiation(association) in January shows(indicates) that less than 5% of the subjects spend more time in exercising than studing(对称结构in study). And in fact, we cannot tell the existense of students who are majoring in Sports among this 5%.(这个句子太诡异了,我不是很清楚它的意思) The two research(复数) clearly reflects(单数) that people's expectations for a College(college/university education). That is to say, they would judge a University by the acadamic(academic) prospect(复数) and the value majoring there instead of its variety of spoprts activities. Once loosing the trust and recognition of the mass, this policy(最好不要用指代,因为上次出现是在上一段,你最好重新提一下,唤起读者的记忆) is probably proved to be unsuitable.

Subsequently, the general shortage in funds for University(universities/colleges) and the availability of sports outside campus constitutes is another cause of this issue. In China, for instance, education system is said to receive 2% of GDP from the govornment while the real sum of funds received turns out to be less than 1% every year. What's more, the College is sharing the money with both primary schools and high schools when sustaining inconceivable pressure from 13 billion people.(Subsequently, the general shortage in funds of universities/colleges is an) In this case, renewing sport's facilities tend to be less impetuous since public parks generally meet the demand of the basic outdoor activities. This case is not rare, millions of colleges in developing countries are under the same embarrasing condition.(这段的用词是不错的,但是问题是:你语言的表达比较缺乏效率.而且,我觉得这个理由没有上面一个有力.可以这样改:Subsequently, in our country, as a matter of fact, there is a serious shortage of universities/colleges funds. As merely 2% of annul state revenue is invested in education causes, and simultaneously, primary schools and high schools also occupy a large proportion of the state investment. In the light of the money scarcity, universities/colleges should utilize the limited sum of money properly.)It is an equal factor that acadamic and relaxing facilities need to be renewed in two different frequency based on their own attributes.In a university, students can tolerate a running-machine with only 3 speeds to run at, whereas can scarcely bear a library without the most signifcant acadamic research data in recent years. Fast as the knowledge evolves, the library requires more funds.( 这段的用词是不错的,但是问题是:你语言的表达比较缺乏效率.而且,我觉得这个理由没有上面一个有力.这段的论述我很疑惑,不清楚.我也不太理解你的意思.你可以考虑说:学校外面有很多公共的运动场所,学生可以在外面运动.但是每个地方的图书馆的数目都是有限的,而学生学习不可能不需要图书馆,所以,很显然,学校应该在图书馆上花更多的钱: Subsequently, in our country, as a matter of fact, there is a serious shortage of universities/colleges funds. As merely 2% of annul state revenue is invested in education causes, and simultaneously, primary schools and high schools also occupy a large proportion of the state investment. In the light of the money scarcity, universities/colleges should utilize the limited sum of money properly. And as is known to all-every city or town has its own places and facilities for people to take physical exercise, which means students can also go to those places to have sports activities. However, the number of libraries, in fact, is always pathetically small when compared with the one of sports fields. Consequently, there is no need for universities/colleges to allocate more money to sports activities. )

太感谢啦，德克的猪和yumihooo！！

丫头受益匪浅。。。

再鞠躬。。。

To德克，

1。真是抱歉，昨天晚上一点钟写完作文后没有检查，有这么多低级拼写&单复数问题，抱歉。。。看你一个个都改出来了，费心了。。。多谢。。

2。关于这个句子，And in fact, we cannot tell the existense of students who are majoring in Sports among this 5%.

其实我想表达的意思是：在这5％（锻炼比学习花的时间多）的人中间，还指不定有学体育的人呢。。。

那怎样表达才会清楚一些呢？

谢谢指教！！

多谢kow～

呃 不过我还没法盲打。。。