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People’s life consists of several different phases, when it comes to the issue that whether one’s childhood’s experience is the most dominant phases for his whole life, people have different opinions in accordance with their distinct living background or life experiences. For me, it is important to determine one’s adult performance, but not the most.

Firstly one’s adult performance is determined by several factors, such as intelligence quality (IQ)、emotion quality (EQ)、knowledge and previous experience. Even through IQ and EQ is mainly born, they can be improved by later trainings. The knowledge is captured for everyone due to their later learning. Therefore, apparently one’s childhood experience solely can not determine one’s adult performance.

Someone take childhood’s experience as the most dominant phase for one’s life, maybe due to one previous theory proposed by Freud, who also think that one’s many adult behaviors originated from experience in the one’s childhood. In this theory, IQ and EQ and later experience play limited role in one’s behaviors, childhood’s experience is most important for each individual since it is the origination of one adult’s performance.

In principle, IQ、EQ and one’s knowledge are very important to determine his later achievement. Freud’s theory neglect the huge role of one’s IQ, which can guide one adult without respect to his impressed childhood’s experience. These three factors can help one behave independently and scientifically, freed from and previous experience, not to say that in the childhood.

Second, later training can change one’s life infinitely. These trainings begin at the childhood, but we can receive training at any phase. For example, military training starts at one’s early adult in general, but it is well-known that it will almost reform one’s personalities. We live in a society or a community with a lot of people, who should have different background and experiences, intercourse between them will also have impact on their performance. Temporal and local environment including the nearby peoples, also affects one’s temporal performance.

To sum up, a lot of factors have impact on one’s adult performance, including IQ、EQ、trainings and knowledge, in addition to temporal and local environment, the people around etc.. The experience in childhood is only one piece of them, it is important since when children were forming their personalities, but it is not itself solely that governs the later performance.

感觉词汇量有限，都是常见词。

People’s life consists of (life goes through) several different phases, when it comes to the issue that whether one’s childhood’s experience is one of the most dominant phases for his whole life, people have different opinions in accordance with their distinct living background or life experiences. For me, it is important to determine one’s adult performance, but not the most. (Very clear thesis statement in the beginning, but the last sentence seems does not help much.) To me, one's adult performance is the most dominant and representative for one person's trait in life; childhood's experience does not stand for all.

Firstly one’s adult performance is determined by several factors, such as intelligence quality (IQ)、emotion quality (EQ)、knowledge (knowledge gained from life)and previous experience(remove). Even through IQ and EQ is mainly born, they can be improved by later trainings(Although people born with IQ and EQ, they can be improved by later training) . The knowledge is captured for(obtained by) everyone due to(from) their later learning. Therefore, apparently one’s (mere) childhood's experience solely(remove) can not determine one’s adult performance.

First of all, one's adult behavior is formed gradually under several factors, such as intelligent quality, emotional qualify, and knowledge that people can obtain from later life. Although people born with IQ and EQ, big proportion of IQ and EQ are mainly much more improved by later learning. The knowledge is obtained by everyone from their later studying, and it greatly depends on one's diligent level and will to accept new knowledge. Therefore, childhood's experience apparently only dominates small proportion of the impacts on one's entire life.

Someone take childhood’s experience as the most dominant phase for one’s life, maybe due to one previous theory proposed by Freud, who also think that one’s many adult behaviors originated from experience in the one’s childhood. In this theory, IQ and EQ and later experience play limited role in one’s behaviors, childhood’s experience is most important for each individual since it is the origination of one adult’s performance. (I think you only need to briefly mention Freud's theory, as it is not supportive to your standpoint. You only want to simply introduce his theory.)

(Here you obviously want to oppose Freud's theory)

In principle, IQ、EQ and one’s knowledge are very important to determine his later achievement. Freud’s theory neglect the huge role of one’s IQ, which can guide one adult without respect to his impressed childhood’s experience. These three factors can help one behave independently and scientifically, freed from and previous experience, not to say that in the childhood.

(You arguement here is not strong enough)

It may sound plausible that from Freud's theory, one's trait in his/her entrie life is influenced by his/her early childhood; however, his theory neglected the importance of one's EQ development. A significant event that happens in one's later life can dramatically change this person's temperment and behavior. For instance, a girl who suffers from family abuse and poor living environment, enters a competitive university may be stiumulated by her classmates and become more motivated and strong.

Second, later training can change one’s life infinitely. These trainings begin at the childhood, but we can receive training at any phase. For example, military training starts at one’s early adult in general, but it is well-known that it will almost reform one’s personalities. We live in a society or a community with a lot of people, who should have different background and experiences, intercourse between them will also have impact on their performance. Temporal and local environment including the nearby peoples, also affects one’s temporal performance. (This part is fine)

To sum up, a lot of factors have impact on one’s adult performance(Many factors have influence on one's adult behavior and achievements), including IQ、EQ、trainings and knowledge, in addition to temporal and local environment, the people around etc.. The experience in childhood is only one piece of them(small poportion of them),(.)
    it(It) is important since when children were forming their personalities, but it is not itself solely that governs the later performance(Not clear. It seems important as many think children's personalities start shaping since childhood; however, early experience is not the only factor that dominate one's future behavior or performance) .
   

You have pretty good basic skill for grammar and choice of words. However, your essay's logic is not very clear. In argumentative essay, be clear with the facts and reasons. Basic argumentative method is saying the opposite's reason, and then use your facts from your standpoint to oppose it.
   

Also, avoid using some words repeatly.