牛人们，帮小弟改一篇作文吧

TOPIC:Who do you think is the most important leader in the world?

My answer:

Throughout the entire history of man-kind, there exist a barrage of heroes and powerful figures who lead the people, the country and even the world .Some are important for their contribution in making their nation grow powerful like King HanWu.Some gain the reputation because of their great effort in defeating the nation's enemy. 

However, juging from my point of view, none of them could be compared to the great leader of People's Republic of China------Chairman Mao

First things first, Chairman Mao plays an indispensable role in leading Chinese people to fight against and finally defeat Japanese invaders. It is widely accepted ,both by Chinese people and citizens of the world ,that had it not been for Chairman Mao's leadership, the 13 billion Chinese would still have no houses to live, no bread to eat  ,no TOEFL tests to take and would still face the prospect of losing their lives.

At the same time, Chairman Mao is the second to none figure who succeeded in making such an agriculture-based nation as China into a fast-developing country. I still remember the story my grandfather told me about that period of history. During that very period of time, Chairman Mao often worked day and night, talking with important government officers, making plans for the improvement of the economy and writing reports. Two great aims were ever before him: improving the domestic economy and making his motherland a respected, powerful nation in the world. In both of the two aims, he had great success.

Finally and most crucially, Chairman Mao has a unique personality that encourages generations of Chinese and even people from other nations. Chairman Mao is respected for his sports-loving attitude toward life. As is mentioned in his autobiography, Chairman Mao went jogging for 2 hours every single morning ever since he had passed his 10th birthday. Besides, he took part in all kinds of sports activities such as basketball, swiming and soccer.

To sum up, Chairman Mao, being sports-loving and hardworking, deserves the title of "The most important leader in the world” 

这个题目不是特别好发挥，整体能写成这个样子相当不错了~

organisation:整篇文章脉络清晰，结构突出，观点明确。个人觉得唯一不足之处是结尾，太仓促了些，如果时间允许的话可以总结得深刻一些，而不是仅仅对前文作一个重复。

language use:句式和词汇的应用都比较到位了~我鸡蛋里挑了骨头，觉得首段中的"King"似乎用"emperor"更加适当一些，哈~

topic development: 整体感觉不错，三个观点提得挺到位的。看完觉得第一个观点对抗日战争的描述可以再适当展开一些，用比较生动的字句来描写一下毛主席在战争之中的一些事迹会令文章生色不少。还有一个地方：no TOEFL tests to take， 比较奇怪，不建议在这里以这种方式出现，有些突兀。