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TWE026水平有限,请大家多提宝贵意见。->pumpkin修改标题-见谅

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楼主
发表于 2004-12-17 23:11:00 | 只看该作者

TWE026水平有限,请大家多提宝贵意见。->pumpkin修改标题-见谅

这是小生的处男作,用了模板还感觉才勉强写了这些,缺点有点多,请大家多多包涵,也恳请大家对我提出建议即作些修改,万分感谢!


题目:TWE026   support or oppose the plan that build a new movie theater in your neighborhood


This is a controversial issue that whether we should build a movie theater in our neighborhood. Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, we may find some persons support this plan, on the other hand, some persons oppose it. The choice, nevertheless, is not easy to make. However, from my point of view, I will agree that former one is more reasonable. For supporting it is more advisable than oppose that, my arguments listed as follows.




The essential reason can be seen by everyone is that a lot of persons can enjoy the interesting movies, they can go to the theater to know the latest fashion, maybe this is a better way to cost your free time to entertain your life than others. At the same time, it can show you the desirous world which always appear in your dream. So imagining if there is a movie theater in our neighborhood ,it will be wonderful. In short, even though there are many different opinions concerning this topic, in my past, I also like to support this plan




Another reason for my propensity for supporting this plan is that we can make ourselves out of the big pressure which comes from the heavy work, huge cost of family and so forth , and then one of the effective way to relieve the pressure is to see the moviesThe movies will not only lead you to find the feeling of immoral love, but it also bring you the courage from the film to count on the bright future. So as far as I concerned, supporting this significant plan is a wise choice.




Last but not the least ,building a large movie theater can increase the taxes of the government. That means the government are willing to take more money which they own to construct our neighborhood, maybe it will cause our community more and more beautiful. So in order to let our life become more colorful, I shall support this plan.


In conclusion, building a movie theater can benefit us , and entertain us as well. To sum up, given those sagacious reasons which are discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion than support it ,but not oppose it.     



沙发
 楼主| 发表于 2004-12-19 20:10:00 | 只看该作者

不好意思,是TWE026,新手新手,不知道规矩

板凳
发表于 2004-12-19 23:37:00 | 只看该作者

It is a controversial issue that whether we should build a movie theater in our neighborhood or not. Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern,(As far as I am concerned), I find that ~~ we may find some people support this plan depanding on their personal ~~, on the other hand, while some people oppose it. The choice, nevertheless, is not easy to make. However, from my point of view, I will agree that former one because it is more reasonable. For supporting it is more advisable than oppose that, my arguments listed as follows.(and there are three main reasons listed below.)




The essential reason can be seen by everyone is( It is clearly seen) that a lot of persons can enjoy the interesting movies, and they can go to the theater to know the latest fashion, maybe this is a better way to cost spend your free time to entertain your life than others. At the same time, it can show you the desirous world which always appear in your dream. So imagining if there is a movie theater in our neighborhood ,it will be wonderful. I think it will be wonderful if there is a movie theater in our neighborhood.  In short, even though there are many different opinions concerning this topic, in my past, I also like to support this plan




Another reason for my propensity for supporting this plan is that we can make ourselves out of the big pressure which comes from the heavy work, huge cost of family and so forth , and then one of the effective way to relieve the pressure is to see the moviesThe movies will not only lead you to find the feeling of immoral love, but it also bring you the courage from the film to count on the bright future. So as far as I concerned, supporting this significant plan is a wise choice.




Last but not the least ,building a large movie theater can increase the taxes of the government. That means the government are willing to take more money which they own to construct our neighborhood, maybe it will cause our community more and more beautiful. So in order to let our life become more colorful, I shall support this plan.


In conclusion, building a movie theater can benefit us , and entertain us as well. To sum up, given those sagacious reasons which are discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion than support it ,but not oppose it.



修改之處進僅是我各人看法,僅供參考,我也只是學生,非英語老師


建議:先加強基礎文法,作文用字不在多,不在難,再描述有效率


寫太多多餘的句子,贅句雖然你用ㄌ不少單字,可試用的不是很正確


沒有persons 用在這裡的文章吧,people


開始寫作不要參考模版,會寫的四不像


最後在考試潛在確定模版即可


[此贴子已经被作者于2004-12-19 23:40:05编辑过]
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2004-12-21 00:13:00 | 只看该作者

前辈说的很对,建议收到,辛苦你了,非常感谢,但不明白紫色和红色代表啥意思?这篇文章是不是例子有点不够呢??我有点迷惑是-作文是不是都要举出一些关于名人名言抑或是名事呢??否则显得不够力度,还是就是说一些道理就行呢。。这篇文章顶多也就是3分吧?/呵呵,不过我会继续努力的,希望大家能够帮助我,多谢!

5#
 楼主| 发表于 2004-12-25 23:06:00 | 只看该作者

修改帖子标题没关系,都是为修改方便嘛..呵呵,不知那位朋友能帮助把文中的语法错误帮忙改一下,还有问一下文中的模板是不是有点罗索呀..多谢!

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