salome90 的作文

Salome90 · 发表于 2012-10-1 00:50:58

9.30 独立 Do you agree or disagree: college and universities must doa better job of preparing student for the workplace. Asthe development of the society, the competition on the employment market ismore and more intense. College and universities have the responsibility to helpgraduates to find better job. Their effort will bring a lot of benefits tograduates as well as the universities themselves.
Firstof all, students don’t know the correct understandings of some jobs and whichjobs they are best suitable for in terms of their professional skills andpersonality. The external reason is, Students don’t have enough accurate informationon jobs so they may evaluate jobs based on the names and choose wrongdirections. So university should provide sufficient information and introductionby courses. The internal reason is, some student don’t know what they reallywant, they simply concentrate on the salary. When they find they don’t follow theirtalents and they are not suitable for these jobs, they will regret theirchoices. Some professional courses would guide and inspire them to findthemselves.
Inaddition, it is an essential transition from campus to society. University shouldprovide practical courses to help students to adapt to these changes.Basically, Students should prepare not just professional knowledge but alsosocial skills. It is necessary to learn how to cooperate with colleague, how todeal with relationship with boss, how to build social network and arrangeschedules effectively. Furthermore, keep a mental readiness is more significant.Students will face more pressure in society than in university. Mental stressis much heavier than physical stress. It is vital for them to learn how torelease themselves and how to adjust their feelings to the environment understress.
Finally,it is beneficial to universities themselves. The more students get jobs, themore excellent jobs they get, the more reputation the university can obtain.With a great reputation, the university could have more potential applicants,which means it has a chance to select better students from a large scale. Whatis more, it has higher possibility that universities could accept funding ordonation from outstanding graduates. These financial support could be used tohire better profs , buy new equipments and develop the campus environment.
Ina word, preparing students for the workplace is a win-win strategy to bothuniversities and students, which will bring a beneficial cycle to the educationsystem.

930综合：
The listening passage makes severalpoints about that the orca is the main reason of small sea mammals declinerather than pollution.
First of all, the reading thinks thatthere are water samples to prove that the pollution along the Alaskan coast isexist. However, the professor claimsthat if the pollution is the reason, there must be some sea otters’ bodieswashed on the beaches. Based on thetruth that no animal bodies are found on the shores, professor makes it convincingthat the predator is the reason.
In addition, the reading passagecontends that other kinds of sea mammals such as seals and sea lions aredecline along with the sea otters. On the contrary, the point that the professoruses to challenge the reading is the change of the orca's diet could also leadto the same result. According to the professor, the whales, which used to bethe best prey for orcas, have already disappeared after human hunting. Theresult is, orcas have to prey smaller mammals to survive.
Finally, the point in the reading is that the pollution theory could explain the uneven pattern of otter decline. This contradicts the argument of the professor that location is a better explanation rather than pollution. Whether the location is accessible to orcas is a noticeable factor. On the areas orcas could easily access, the number of mammals decreases. However, on the shallow and rocky areas, which are not accessible for orcas, the number of mammals keeps stable.
In a word, the reading passage is totally refuted by the professor.

最后一次杀T · 发表于 2012-10-1 12:02:16

黄色高亮为精彩绿色为需要修改部分粉色为修改建议红字为个别加词
As the development of the society, the competition on the employment market is more and more intense. College and universities have the responsibility to help graduates to find a better job. Their efforts will bring a lot of benefits to graduates as well as the universities themselves.

First of all, students don’t know the correct understandings of some jobs and which jobs they are best suitable for in terms of their professional skills and personality. The external reason is, Students don’t have enough accurate information on jobs so that they may evaluate jobs based on the names of those postions and choose wrong directions. 【原句好像也没什么错误，就是读起来有点别扭，改成which lead to a wrong direction可能会好点。有待探讨。】So university should provide sufficient information and introduction by courses. The internal reason is, some students don’t know what they really want, so they simply concentrate on the salary. When they find that they don’t follow their talents and they are not suitable for these jobs, they will regret their choices. Some professional courses would guide and inspire them to find themselves.

In addition, it is an essential transition from campus to society. University should provide practical courses to help students to adapt to these changes.Basically, Students should prepare not just professional knowledge but also social skills. It is necessary to learn how to cooperate with colleagues, how to deal with the relationship with boss, and how to build social network and arrange schedules effectively. 【并列三个短句，最后一个前的and不能省略】Furthermore, keep a mental readiness is more significant. Students will face more pressure in society than in university. Mental stress is much heavier than physical stress. It is vital for them to learn how to release themselves and how to adjust their feelings to the environment under stress.

Finally,it is beneficial to universities themselves. The more students get jobs, the more excellent jobs they get, the more reputation the university can obtain.With a great reputation, the university could have more potential applicants,which means it has a chance to select better students from a large scale. What is more, it has higher possibility that universities could accept funding or donation from outstanding graduates. These financial support could be used to hire better profs , buy new equipments， and develop the campus environment.

In a word, preparing students for the workplace is a win-win strategy to both universities and students, which will bring a beneficial cycle to the education system.

句子写的都挺长的，【最不会改长句子了

】词汇也比较丰富。
个人觉得应该多举例子来支持论点。三个观点，最好是有两个有例子支持。

tracyn · 发表于 2012-10-1 21:30:27

The listening passage makes several points about that the orca（这边用predation好一点，听力里面有讲） is the main reason of small sea mammals decline rather than pollution.(第一段最好点出听力与阅读的关系)

First of all, the reading material/part/passage thinks that there are water samples to prove that the pollution along the Alaskan coast is exist.However, the professor claims that if the pollution is the reason, there must be some sea otters’ bodies washed on the beaches.Based on the truth that no animal bodies are found on the shores, professor makes it convincing that the predator is the reason.（这段写的不错呢，听力里面的细节写的很仔细）

In addition, the reading passage contends that other kinds of sea mammals such as seals and sea lions are decline ing along with the sea otters. On the contrary, the point that the professor uses to challenge the reading is the change of the orca’s diet(这个很好)could also lead to the same result. According to the professor, the whales, which are used to be the best prey for orcas, have already disappeared after human hunting. The result isof this, orcas have to prey smaller mammals to survive.

Finally, the point in the reading （这边我不知道直接用reading是否可以，不过是第一次见到这样用的）is that the pollution theory could explain the uneven pattern of otter decline. This contradicts the argument of the professor that location is a better explanation rather than pollution. Whether the location is accessible to orcas is a noticeable factor. On the areas orcas could easily access, the number of mammals decreases. However, on the shallow and rocky areas, which are not accessible for orcas, the number of mammals keeps stable.

In a word, the reading passage is totally refuted by the professor. （这句话放在第一段不错，最后一段如果时间赶不及可以不写的）

这个文章没什么问题呢，听力内容记的很全面，语言也很变化，很不错~~

Salome90 · 发表于 2012-10-1 22:53:35

谢谢杀t同学和rose 同学的批改~~~~都非常认真仔细，我很受用。。。。。第一次作业收到了大家的鼓励，很感动！

超级无敌小鹤鹤 · 发表于 2012-10-3 12:33:31

In a word, the reading passage is totally refuted by the professor. （这句话放在第一段不错，最后一段如果时间赶不及可以不写的）

-- by 会员 tracyn (2012/10/1 21:30:27)

同觉得，这句话放结尾比较突兀，两种方法：要么移到开头，和原来的开头合并；要么这句话扩写一下，重新点一下听力部分的总观点~

salome90 的作文

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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