【写作小分队】光年的作文，欢迎大家拍砖~

光年 · 发表于 2012-3-24 20:45:02

110319NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

What is the most influential invention of the twelfth century? It is no doubt that majority will answer television, computer, or other devices related to visual service, absolutely including movies. It is so appearant that movies and television have played a significant role in our modern life. I, given the chance, would like to claim that the benefits movies and television brings definitely overweigh their evil side effects, although some might argue that movies and television almost exhaust our time and propagandize something despicable, even porn.

It is certain that everyone has twenty four hours per day, that is to say, if we spend more time on television and movies, young generation must spare no time to gather with their dear families. Well, it is true that movies and television are available so readily since there are often more than one set television in a house and cinemas spring out everywhere. To think deeper, the youth might gradually be reluctant to share time to communicate with their parents and friends and they may become close-minded and isolate themselves from the outside. As a consequence, they are likely to have some psychological disorder, as we all know, many mental disorder will led to suicide. Yes, it is horrible. But whether the logic is right? I believe the anwser must be no. Although movies and television are among the thousands of reasons that can screw young people's time, they are not the main factor. We should be more wise to attribute it to the rapid pace of modern life---children need to study and asults need to work. Nowasays young generation exert their majority time on their studys instead of communicating with other human beings. They have taken on a so huge burden to their tender shoulders---getting through the entrance examination of universities. They almost have no right to choose to stop and take a deep breath to comfort themselves because the society will judge them merely with the result. What's more, parents scarcely have time to settle children's anxiety and strained nerve or as simplely as to have a meal with them because they have to or more prefer to earn money. Furthermore, People who need to work not only involved parents, but also many single young adults. They must spare no effort to make money to buy a house, a decent car, get married, and raise a baby ("a baby" because average Chinese families are not allowd to have more babies and they also cannot affort the expense of another baby). The reality is tough that the house price in Beijing have risen to sixty thousand yuan per square meter, that oil price to ten yuan per liter, that Catier diamond rings are so expensive and that tuition is such a big number.From all above, it is not difficult to reach the conlusion that it is not, at least not mainly, movies and television that take up young people's time.

On the other hand, some criticize movies and television that they contribute to spread a number of negative infomation among yonng generation, such as sex, violence, and as well as blood. All of these make children mimic in a unproper way and in turn hurt themselves both mentally and physically. Well. this time is that logic right? Definitely, no. Those people make a mistake again since they cannot fgure out not only the essence but also the correct solution to the terrible problem. To prove my opinion, please allow me to come up with a seemingly queation---if without movies and television, could children get access to those contemptible stuff? Yes, they can. They can get them without any barriers since related books, comics, and magezines are almost everywhere. In fact, those printed paper are the top best-sales in the news stalls. So we cannot blame movies and televison for that ridiculous reason and we have to know that we live in a world where information is so convinient to catch only if we want it. What we should do is to face the issure directly and try to solve it. The best way I can image is guide and education. To put it simple, we shoud not prohibit children from those infomation, instead, we are supposed to show them how to handle them decently and teach them to have a healthy and proper attitude to them. Take my own experience as an example. By watching Blood Diamond, admittedly, there are war, violence and even sex, full of the movie, however, I did not focus on them,and for me, they are merely a necessarity to provide us a story setting. And what I really care about and have learned from it is the unselfish love with families and friends. I even think that I do not need a wedding diamong ring to prove, bless, witness, or whatever, my marriage. Love is the only thing that can irrigate our hearts and bond them tightly.

TPO 5 的综合写作

The speaker casts doubt on and even rebuts strongly the existing three explanations of Chaco great houses mentioned in the reading passage.
First of all, the passage think it as one of the possibility that the huge houses are used for residents. However, the speaker takes the shortage of fire places as an evidence to challenge that theory. Seeing from the inside, it is obvious that there are so few fire places for cooking in the house that they are only sufficient for ten families or so, but the building can definately contain more than one hundred families at least. The dramatic contrast proves it not be an apartment.
Secondly, if the house is a storing barn, just as the passage points out, it might be expected reasonably that some traces of maize left on the floor or a plenty of maize containers. However, in fact, there is not. That is to say, the potential of being used to store corns has to be kicked out of our mind.
Finally, when it comes to the chance of ceremony center, the speaker also cannot be convinced by this theory. Contrary to the reading passage, he claims that not only some broken pots but also other materials, such as, building material,say sand, stone, and even construction tools, are abandoned there. So the reason why those things appear there is nothing but they are trash. It is somewhat ironic but the truth.
According to the above, we can reach the consequence easily that the speaker beats all the three theories cited by the passage with abundant sound evidences.

Crystaljoy · 发表于 2012-3-24 22:18:30

interesting ~~~

Lillian安 · 发表于 2012-3-25 00:07:19

灰色底拼写错误这个可以考虑贴WORD里先查遍
红色明显错误需要注意哦
紫色猜测是偶然错误
绿色小小建议
What isthe most influential invention of the twelfth century? It is no doubt thatmajority will answer television, computer, or other devices related to visualservice, absolutely including movies. It is so appearant (apparent)that （这里或许换成简单的It is generallyaccepted that 或 It is widely recognized that?这些常见的比较好？）moviesand television have played a significant role in our modern life. I（也许直接放后面就好 Given the chance, I……）, given the chance, would like to claim thatthe benefits movies and television brings definitely overweigh their evil sideeffects, although some might argue that movies and television almost exhaustour time and propagandize something despicable, even porn.

It iscertain that everyone has twenty four hours per day（也许这里转为用副词，让句式多变会比较好？比如Clearly, Undoubtedly-这个后面常+转折，所以前面那个可能好些，…）, that is to say, if we spend more time on television and movies, younggeneration must spare no time to gather with their dear families. Well, it istrue that movies and television are available so readily since there are (is) often more than one set television in a houseand cinemas spring out everywhere. To think deeper, the youth might graduallybe reluctant to share time to communicate with their parents and friends andthey may become close-minded and isolate themselves from the outside. As aconsequence, they are likely to have some psychological disorder, as we allknow, many mental disorder will led to suicide. （这里更像是两个句子？）Yes（先有疑问再回答会比较好？可以考虑换个副词）, it is horrible. But whether thelogic is right? I believe the anwser must be no. Although movies and televisionare among the thousands of reasons that can screw young people's time, they arenot the main factor(单复). We shouldbe more wise（wiser） to attribute it(it似乎指代不明) to the rapid pace of modern life---childrenneed to study and asults need to work. Nowasays young generation exert theirmajority time on their studys （studies） instead of communicating withother human beings. They have taken on a so huge burden to their tendershoulders（可以考虑shoulder的动词用法）---gettingthrough the entrance examination of universities. They almost have no right tochoose to stop and take a deep breath to comfort themselves because the societywill judge them merely with the result. What's more, parents scarcely have timeto settle children's anxiety and strained nerve or as simplely（simple）as to have a meal with thembecause they have to or more prefer to earn money(and or 可以考虑用逗号替换and；同一句中同一代词只能指代同一事或物？). Furthermore, People who need towork not only involved parents, but also many single young adults. They mustspare no effort to make money to buy a house, purchase(并列的结构问题？) a decentcar, get married, and raise a baby ("a baby" because average Chinesefamilies are not allowd to have more babies and they also cannot affortthe expense of another baby). The reality is tough that the house price inBeijing have risen to sixty thousand yuan per square meter, that oil price toten yuan per liter, that Catier diamond rings are so expensive and that tuitionis such a big number. From all above, it is not difficult to reach theconlusion that it is not, at least not mainly, movies and televisionthat take up young people's time.

On theother hand, some criticize movies and television that they contribute to spreada number of negative infomation among yonng generation, such as sex, violence,and as well as blood（and和aswell as似乎重复了）. All of these make children mimic in aunproper way and in turn hurt themselves both mentally and physically. Well.this time is that logic right? Definitely, no. Those people make a mistakeagain since they cannot fgure out not only the essence but also thecorrect solution to the terrible problem. To prove my opinion, please allow meto come up with a seemingly queation(quotation)---ifwithout movies and television, could children get access to those contemptiblestuff? Yes, they can. They can get them without any barriers since related books,comics, and magezinesare almost everywhere. In fact, those printed paper are the top best-sales inthe news stalls. So we cannot blame movies and televison for thatridiculous reason and we have to know that we live in a world where informationis so convinientto catch only if we want it. What we should do is to face the issuredirectly and try to solve it. The best way I can image is guide and education.To put it simple, we shoud not prohibit children from those infomation,instead, we are supposed to show them how to handle them decently and teachthem to have a healthy and proper attitude to them. Take my own experience asan example. By watching Blood Diamond, admittedly, there are war, violence andeven sex, full of the movie（可以考虑用be saturated with）, however, Idid not focus on them, and for me, they are merely a necessarity（necessity?） to provideus a story setting. And what I really care about and have learned from it isthe unselfish love with families and friends. I even think that I do not need awedding diamongring to prove, bless, witness, or whatever, my marriage. Love is the only thingthat can irrigate our hearts and bond them tightly.
第一次改作文，自己水平也有限，比如语法，比如词汇，比如表达方面我都很有问题……所以不足之处望谅解
内容充实，有例子，这是我的短板= =，学习~~
不少词不认识= =同样学习~~
行文方面，多点连接词什么的也许能更好体现文章的结构，这个依然短板无能= =，不少的递进转折之类的词我总分不清……
段落结构方面可以稍微多分几段，比如第二和第三段分别可分为两段，其实已经有段内转折了，可以换成段间吧？只是从“美观”方面考虑
字数方面400词就很多了~~虽然我支持字数是王道，但这个800多，不过也许只因是习作，所以多写些？= =看到时很诧异，我自己得憋很久才能憋出来一篇所谓文章= =|||

光年 · 发表于 2012-3-25 09:10:59

亲~辛苦鸟~。。。我用word改过了啊，为毛全都木有改正，难道我直接贴得文本文档里的？……无语鸟……泪目。“What's more, parents scarcely have timeto settle children's anxiety and strained nerve or as simplely（simple）as to have a meal with thembecause they have to or more prefer to earn money." 可能我语法有问题，word也给我的simple，但是这不是修饰have这个动词的咩，为什么不用副词呢？虽然副词拼错了，黑线……

Lillian安 · 发表于 2012-3-25 10:56:57

“What's more, parents scarcely have timeto settle children's anxiety and strained nerve or as simplely（simple）as to have a meal with thembecause they have to or more prefer to earn money." 可能我语法有问题，word也给我的simple，但是这不是修饰have这个动词的咩，为什么不用副词呢？-----我的问题= =没看太明白，刚谷歌了下，“as simply as to have”没有问题，只是我看的比较少= =

光年 · 发表于 2012-3-25 22:00:00

3月25日 TPO15 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age.

If you want to be a proficient doctor, you have to learn piles of medical textbooks and references. If you want to be an eligible teacher, you have to enter a normal college. If you want to be a successful lawyer, you have to pass the LSAT and get the bar certificate. To sum up, grasping professional skills is the prerequisite of getting some relevant position. But is learning to manage their own money enough to arm children to be financially responsible? I believe the answer is definitely no. According to the variance of age and capability of managing money, we might devise the issue into two parts---kid period and teenager period.

At kid period, all money of what children have is some pocket change. And all of what they think about is split weekly pocket money into seven, so that they can enjoy some candy everyday or merge two day's money to buy a luxury---a big and colorful lollipop. Obviously, it is a totally different story from doing some financial investment. We should not be so ridiculous to expect that such a simple experience of using pocket change can play a role, even a tiny role in the future. For instance, as a child, they can get a more expensive lollipop by saving money. However, when they grow up, they will find that depositing money into the bank might not bring them any bonus. In fact, sometimes it would make them not meet the end because of inflation, economic crisis, and something like that. If we exceededly rely on our experience of childhood, we might get ourselves caught in the trap instead of becoming financially mature and responsible, or whatever.

As the time pass by, kids have grown up to teenagers, who do not need candy anymore and primarily form their own thought and furthermore, they have more capability and chance to cope with a larger sum of money than ever before. During this phrase of life, many parents prefer to encourage children to make some elementary investment, such as initialing stock market, fund market or other financial products. Now teenagers have both sufficient capital and enthusiasm to start their voyage. Unfortunately, as often is the case, they have not been sophisticated enough to run such a business. They have not grasped any professional knowledge; on the other hand, what they have owned is merely imprudent passion, which will easily lead them to some stupid decisions. They perhaps cannot bear and handle the failure. What's worse, failure even can leave them some mental trauma. Basically, it might occur to them that they do not have a talent in the financial aspect. In the future, they are likely have no confidence to take any risk to make decisions, even which is wise and after considerate and professional analysis. You know, in financial market, hesitate can mean an enormous lost.

So how to be a financially responsible person? First of all, I believe, what we should do is learning to be honest, decent and dignified individual. Those virtues are so significant that they make you a good and responsible person, absolutely including financial field. Secondly, mastering some basic financial knowledge is a necessity. And until you become an adult, you must sail more steadily with those professional skills.

夏雨霏霏 · 发表于 2012-3-25 23:01:03

The speaker casts doubt on and even rebuts strongly the existing three explanations of Chaco great houses mentioned in the reading passage.
First of all, the passage think it as one of the possibilities that the huge houses are used for residents（residence, residents是人拉，或者by residents）. However, the speaker takes the shortage of fire places as an evidence to challenge that theory. Seeing from the inside, it is obvious that there are so few fire places for cooking in the house that they are only sufficient for ten families or so, but the building can definitely(拼错了) contain more than one hundred families at least. The dramatic contrast proves that it may not be an apartment.
Secondly, if the house is a storing barn, just as the passage points out, it might be expected reasonably that some traces of maize left on the floor or a plenty of maize containers(some traces of maize or a plenty of maize containers be left on the floor. 原句里that后面要是句子). However, in fact, there are(traces是复数) not. That is to say, the potential of being used to store corns （that the large houses was built to store corns 这样说的明白一点）has to be kicked out of our mind.
Finally, when it comes to the chance of ceremony center, the speaker also cannot be convinced by this theory. Contrary to the reading passage, he claims that not only some broken pots but also other materials, such as, building material,say sand, stone, and even construction tools, are abandoned there. So the reason why those things appear there is nothing but they are trash. It is somewhat ironic but the truth(true).
According to the above, we can reach the consequence easily that the speaker beats all the three theories cited by the passage with abundant sound evidences.

Lillian安 · 发表于 2012-3-25 23:21:34

If you wantto be a proficient doctor, you have to learn piles of medical textbooks andreferences. If you want to be an eligible teacher, you have to enter a normalcollege. If you want to be a successful lawyer, you have to pass the LSAT andget the bar certificate. To sum up, grasping professional skills is theprerequisite of getting some relevant position. But is learning to manage theirown money enough to arm children to be financially responsible (arm to是？)? I believe the answer is definitely no.According to the variance of age and capability of managing money, we mightdevise （divide?） the issue into two parts---kid period andteenager period.

At kid period, all money of what children have issome pocket change. And all of what they think about is split weekly pocket moneyinto seven, so that they can enjoy some candy everyday or merge two day's moneyto buy a luxury---a big and colorful lollipop. Obviously, it is a totallydifferent story from doing some financial investment. We should not be soridiculous to expect that such a simple experience of using pocket change canplay a role, even a tiny role in the future. For instance, as a child, they canget a more expensive lollipop by saving money. However, when they grow up, theywill find that depositing money into the bank might not bring them any bonus.In fact, sometimes it would make them not meet the end because of inflation,economic crisis, and something like that. If we exceededly (似乎没这个词exceedingly or overly？) rely on our experience of childhood, we mightget ourselves caught in the trap instead of becoming financially mature andresponsible, or whatever.

As the time pass by, kids have grown up toteenagers, who do not need candy anymore and primarily form their own thoughtand furthermore, they have more capability and chance to cope with a larger sumof money than ever before. During this phrase of life, many parents prefer toencourage children to make some elementary investment, such as initialing stockmarket, fund market or other financial products. Now teenagers have bothsufficient capital and enthusiasm to start their voyage. Unfortunately, asoften is the case, they have not been sophisticated enough to run such abusiness. They have not grasped any professional knowledge; on the other hand,what they have owned is merely imprudent passion, which will easily lead themto some stupid decisions. They perhaps cannot bear and handle the failure.What's worse, failure even can leave them some mental trauma. Basically,it might occur to them that they do not have a talent in the financial aspect. In the future, they are likely have noconfidence to take any risk to make decisions, even which is wise and afterconsiderate and professional analysis. You know, in financial market, one second hesitate（这是动词，hesitation?） can mean an enormous lost（加了两个词，我感觉读起来更好= =）.

So how to be a financially responsible person? First of all, I believe, what we should do is learning to be honest,decent and dignified individual. Those virtues are so significant that theymake you a good and responsible person, absolutely including financial field.Secondly, mastering some basic financial knowledge is a necessity. And untilyou become an adult, you must sail more steadily with those professional skills.
真心觉得很不错，有种背一背的冲动~~

光年 · 发表于 2012-3-26 06:56:08

嗯嗯。改得都对。arm ，to不是连起来的结构，不过貌似用法不地道，改成prepare for吧。。。呃，问题是不是限时写的，我还是把素材多背过吧，，，我写得慢。。。呜~~~

光年 · 发表于 2012-3-26 07:27:53

嗯嗯~辛苦了~亲。。。“the potential of being used to store corns （that the large houses was built to store corns 这样说的明白一点）”为什么会更明白一点啊，是从句和of结构的区别咩？

【写作小分队】光年的作文，欢迎大家拍砖~

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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