新g arugment-134

a273007862 · 发表于 2012-1-22 09:17:00

134 All students should be required to take the driver's education course at Centerville High School
. In the past two years, several accidents in and around Centerville have involved teenage drivers. Since a number of parents in Centerville have complained that they are too busy to teach their teenagers to drive, some other instruction is necessary to ensure that these teenagers are safe drivers. Although there are two driving schools in Centerville, parents on a tight budget cannot afford to pay for driving instruction. Therefore an effective and mandatory program sponsored by the high school is the only solution to this serious problem."
要求：Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

同类：132，136

1调查类：包括年轻人，比例和事故原因。其他：他人驾驶，事故中有青年受伤

2即便是青少年驾驶的事故高，不代表是技术的问题，也就不代表有instruction就是能成为安全的驾驶司机。其他原因：地形、天气等原因导致

3即使是驾驶技术的问题，需要学习，不代表每个人都想学习，学校可以提高意识；即使每个人都想学习，家长不能负担，学校统一指导，不代表不花钱，不代表学校能负担。

4all 和only等绝对词汇

严重超时！会不会这个argument的模板痕迹太重了？

在此感谢大剑作文里很多的词都是从那借鉴的~~

In this argument above, it is well presented yet farfetched. It lays a claim that the Centerville high school should take some driving courses to reduce the accident rates of the teenage drivers. To bolster this recommendation, the arguer cites the result of the past two years survey that more and more teenage drivers are involved in the accidents. And the arguer also advocates that every student at Centerville
High School should have some compulsive courses about driving programs, along with the fact that their parents cannot afford them. Nevertheless, from the logical perspective, this argument is in effect hardly convincing due to several critical flaws after a close scrutiny, albeit it may appear plausible at a cursory glance.

In the first place, a threshold problem arises in this argument that the author assumes that teenage drivers do really the causes of the accidents. In this situation, there are several accidents about teenage drivers nearby the Centerville High School. The arguer offers no evidence to substantiate these crucial assumptions. However, this contention is open to a number of interpretations. Lacking such evidence it is entirely possible that there are a lot of injuries in driving accidents, which are embracing some teenagers. If this is the case, the recommended that the accident rates of the teenage drivers would not increase and do not be taken some instructions of driving. Hence, the arguer's reasoning is definitely flawed unless the arguer can convince me that these and other possible scenarios are unlikely.

In the second place, even though the arguer might be able to provide evidence for us to deduce a solution to the problem presented above afterwards, , the argument still maintains ill-conceived. The argument rests on the further assumption that the students should take some other instructions Nevertheless, there is no guarantee that it is necessarily the case, and the arguer does not supply any evidence to confirm this assumption. It is quite possible that the high accident rates of the teenage drivers are not lacing of technical skill. To illustrate this point clearly, let us take a look at the following representative example. There may be some rainy days, the roads are so wet that deducing the high accidents. Thus, without accounting for as well as ruling out these and other likely possibilities, the arguer cannot bolster the recommendation.

Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out the last flaw involved in this argument. Even if the evidence turns out to support the foregoing assumptions, the author just simply overlooks the possibility that the students’ willing about learning the instrument. In this light, it's reasonable to cast doubts upon the author's presumption which I reject as inadequate. For instance, it is just as possible that not everybody in that school want to learn driving because it cost a lot of time which they can learn math instead. And the author omits to inform us about the situation of the school’s expense. Perhaps the school is also lacking money so that it could not burden all the students to learn driving. Pursuing this line of reasoning, it proves to be the author's responsibility to mull over his assumption and then furnish it with cogent evidence so as to pave the way for a more tenable argument.

Aside from the foregoing one provisos, there are some absolutely words, such as “all “and “ only”. Even if the assumptions mentioned above have their own reasons, not all students in Centerville High School want to have some the driver's education courses. The same to the high school as the only solution to this serious problem which is how to teach students under their parents low payment circumstance.

To sum up, it seems precipitous for the author to jump to the conclusion based on a series of invalid premises. In order to draw an efficient conclusion, the author ought to reason more convincingly, cite some evidence that is more persuasive, take every possible consideration into account, and must provide detailed statistical evidence showing. After all, feckless attempts with a fallible method could be nothing but a fool's errand. Therefore, if the argument had had better evaluated the conclusion, I would need more information about how many accidents caused by teenage drivers and about how much money does the school offer , it would have been more thorough and logically acceptable.

字数：729

普渡哥 · 发表于 2012-1-22 13:31:22

可能这个地区的年轻人比例特别高。

这篇写了很多字，我觉得你的模板没有问题，结构很清晰。你也就是用了列举的模板。

a273007862 · 发表于 2012-1-22 20:36:51

对这点我没有想到哈哈谢谢普渡哥~~

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-1-26 21:22:01

1. The argument above, is well
2. should have their students take the driving course (singular since it only mentions one)
3. of teenage drivers.
4. the writer (change "arguer" to "writer") cites the result of the past two years' surveys which point out that more and more teenage drivers are involved in accidents (NO the).
5. have some mandatory courses on driving, along with the fact that their parents cannot afford them. Nevertheless, from the logical perspective, this argument in effect is barely convincing due to several critical flaws, although (sounds more normal) it may appear plausible at a cursory glance.

Your essay is full of these same grammar problems, just repeating themselves. Although it may seem like a lot of mistakes it is really just repetitive mistakes, try to take note to the ones I fixed and it should help you in the future

Good luck

dingda6 · 发表于 2012-1-26 21:45:41

审题很好，攻击点到位。就是模板痕迹实在太重，继续写应该会好点

a273007862 · 发表于 2012-1-28 22:07:01

能说的细一点吗？
是the，a，不用定冠词这三个的区别吗？
都是中国教育惹的祸啊
从小学英语开始老师就都教的the！
呵呵~~
谢谢~

lukebrehm · 发表于 2012-1-29 20:17:51

hope this helps you. It is a bit confusing
both definite and indefinite Indefinite — a, an

Uses

Before a singular noun which is countable when it is mentioned for the first time and represents no particular person or thing.
"A horse is a noble animal."
Before a singular countable noun which is used as an example of a class of things.
"A book is something you read."
With a noun complement, including names of professions.
"She is a doctor, he became a famous actor."
In certain numerical expressions.
"a dozen, a hundred"
In expressions of price, speed, ratio.
"60 miles an hour, 4 hours a day, 30p a box"
With "few" and "little"
"a few people, a little sugar"
In exclamations before singular, countable nouns. "What a pity! What a sunny day!"
It can be placed before Mr., Mrs, Miss, Ms + surname.
"a Mr. Brown phoned today."

Not Used

Before plural nouns.
"Horses are noble animals."
Before uncountable nouns
"Milk is good for you."
Before abstract nouns.
"Fear is natural."
Before names of meals except when preceded by an adjective.
"We had a late breakfast and decided to miss lunch."

Definite — the

Uses

Before nouns of which there is only one.
"The earth is round."
Before a noun which has become definite as a result of being mentioned a second time.
"We saw a good film last night. It was the film you recommended."
Before a noun made definite by the addition of a phrase or clause.
"The woman dressed in black."
Before a noun which, by reason of locality, can represent only one particular thing.
"There’s a bee in the kitchen."
Before superlatives and "first", "second" and "only"
"The longest river in the world."
Before singular nouns used to represent a class of objects.
"The donkey is a very obstinate animal."
Before an adjective used to represent a class of persons.
"That tax hurts the rich."
Before names of seas, rivers, chains of mountains, groups of islands and plural names of countries.
"the Pacific Ocean, the Thames, the Andes, the West Indies, the Netherlands"
Before musical instruments.
"She plays the piano"

Not Used

Before countries, towns, proper names.
"Charlie lived in Chicago in America"
Before abstract nouns.
"Jealousy can be dangerous."
Before parts of the body and articles of clothing — these normally prefer a possessive adjective.
"Lift your left arm."
"He removed his hat."

"Charlie the Brave"Charlie is a teacher and his wife, Maria is an artist. One of the main differences between the two is that Charlie has no imagination well perhaps a little whereas Maria has the most vivid imagination you could think of.
Now — imagination is an essential quality if you’re an artist but sometimes it can lead to — problems. Take the night before last, for example. It was a fine summer night and you could see the moon and the stars quite clearly, it was shortly before the longest day of the year. Charlie was sitting in a deckchair enjoying the warm summer air when he felt something touch his shoulder; it was Maria’s hand and he could tell immediately she was a little worried about something. He had noticed this sensation a hundred times before. He asked her what the matter was and she replied that there was a strange thing on the jacket that was hanging in the bedroom. Now you must remember that they had both lived in the West Indies and had seen a lot of strange creatures in their house before. But now they were living in — England and so Charlie just laughed and said he would have a look at the "thing".

He left the garden and made his way to the bedroom. He could see a jacket hanging in the bedroom and went up to it to have a closer look at the"thing". The moment he touched it, the thing sprang into— life. Now Charlie experiences — fear like the rest of us but when this creature opened its wings, he jumped out of his skin and ran screaming from the room like a small child doing about 100 miles an hour.

What a fuss you may say and the brave among you may well regard such behavior as pathetic but — bats (for this thing was a bat) bring out the worst in many people. For a moment the next-door neighbors thought that Charlie was murdering his wife because of the noise they could hear. In fact the bat was the one that was frightened and it fluttered its wings and flew from one side of the bedroom to the other.
Eventually Charlie managed to trap the bat in a box and went out into the front garden clutching the box as if it had a bomb inside it, took off the lid and the bat, obviously delighted to be free, flew away into the dark. Eventually Maria, who had been playing the guitar while Charlie was upstairs, asked Charlie if he had found out what the thing was. "Oh, nothing to worry about", he said casually hoping that the terror could not be seen in his eyes, "it was just a bat."

[argument] 新g arugment-134

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