6月JJ-AI20 改改吧！

茉莉蔷薇 · 发表于 2011-6-13 15:42:50

作文很没底，贴一个大家给看看吧，尽情批！
6月JJ-AI20

Although most people wish to live long lives, attempting to significantly extend the average human life span would be a mistake. If achieved, this would place an enormous burden on resources, lowering the quality of life for everyone.

When asking how long do you want to live in this world, most of us give the answer that "as long as possible". With the development of the modern technology, our dream is coming at hand. However, recently some critics argue that it may not be a good thing that all the people in the world extend the average life span without limit, and that this would place an enormous burden on resources and lower the quality of life. Although I also want to live as long as I can, what the critics concern is excatly (Exactly) what we ought to consider if our dream is achieved.

Firstly, there is a fact that the resource in the world, the unique home for all the human being, is somewhat limited, which can only support a certain number of people. If we can expand our life span, our earth has to give more resources to raise us. However, we all know that some kinds of the natural resources are running out even in nowadays society, such as crude oil, natural gas and water. Another example is food. Modern technology do(does) the productivity of the soil in the world, but there are large amount of people in Africa and Asia still suffer hungry(hunger). It is highly possible that in the rest of our life, which is the part (exceeds)passes the common life span, we have to think of (worry about) how to get food rather than where to spend the added life as go on a vacation . That is to say, the longer we live, the more energy and resources we need. If we can not solve the problem, our life in the future will be really miserable .

Moreover, our life quality will be reduced if all of us can live longer. The more aged people in the world, the more we should pay to take care of them. Take china as an example, if most of the people in the country are those who age from 75 to 100, the government should arrange more money for the endowment insurances ,which must come from the tax revenue. Thus, the more money goes to the pension fund, the less goes to other usages, such as education fund and national defense expense. Just as likely, some children may not be able to go to school because the government does not have enough money to support all the children. To solve the same problem, the France government choices to postpone the retire age of the workers. But the government fails to think about the young people’s life, making them much more difficult to find a job after graduation. It's obvious that these examples warn that our life quality will be sharply reduced if we all choice to live longer in the near future.

Just as I said before, with the rapid development of modern technology, the dream that we can live as long as we want may come true in the near future, but it's necessary to think about the problem that long life span will bring. If we can also handle these problems well, then we may live a happy and longer life as we want. However, if we can not, what we should do now is to decide whether to focus on studying how to enlarge our life span.
横线的句子大家帮忙改改吧，我实在不知道要怎么写！
另外考过的同学和斑斑给看看，这作文能得个4分不，我就要4分就行……

茉莉蔷薇 · 发表于 2011-6-13 23:35:14

大家来帮忙吧……下周就考试了……

6月JJ-AI20 改改吧！

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