请NN们帮我看看我的处女AA吧？谢谢！！

cgzjessieli · 发表于 2011-4-17 08:05:45

这是我第一次计时写的AA，不知道这样用模板会不会判雷同，还有就是这大概能达到几分啊~~只能看出两处问题能行么？好没底啊~~（这篇我超时了~用了33分钟才写完），希望大家能帮我使劲批~~~~拜托啊~~谢谢！！
In this argument, the author reaches the conclusion that the company should discontinue the production of the deluxe light bulb in order to maximize the profits and increase repeat sales. To support this assertion, the author points out that although the deluxe light bulb sells for 50 percent more than the economic bulb and lasts twice as long, sales of the company have suffered a significant decrease since the manufacture of the deluxe bulb. At first glance, the argument appears to be somewhat plausible; however, closer scrutiny reveals that it omits some important information that needs to be addressed to substantiate the conclusion.

In the first place, the author commits the fallacy of imposing a causal- relationship between the decrease of the profits and the production of the deluxe bulbs. Even though the manufacturing and marketing of the deluxe light bulb happened before the decrease of sales, it does not necessarily mean that the latter is caused by the former, since there could be other reason that contributes to the decrease. For example, the improper managing strategy leads to the low morale among workers, which, therefore, harm the productivity and efficiency. The aggravation of market of the industry as whole could also result in higher cost and lower demand. Consequently, before the author rules out other reasons that could take part in the decrease of sales, it is illogical to conclude that the production of the deluxe light bulb should be responsible for the decrease.

In the second place, the author also assumes that the production of the deluxe light bulb and the increase of profits are mutually exclusive. However, the author provides no reason to impose an either-or choice here. There can be a middle ground, as the company can both continue the manufacturing of the deluxe light bulb and earn profits. As is mentioned in the passage, the deluxe light bulb sells for 50 percent more than the economy bulb, thus producing both types of bulb can provide more benefits.

In summary, the author fails to demonstrate the claim that only to discontinue the deluxe bulb can the company increase its repeat sales and maximize profits, because he ignores other factors that could lead to the decrease and bases the argument on the assumption that to stop the manufacturing of the that certain type of bulb is the only way to achieve the company's goal and fulfill its economic interest. To better assess the argument and make it more convincing, we would need more information about the situation of the company and the whole industry and also the author must exclude any other factors that could be the reason why the company suffered from the decrease of profits during the last six months.

cgzjessieli · 发表于 2011-4-17 08:06:28

自己顶一下吧！！

SAILINGDAY · 发表于 2011-4-17 10:05:03

我也想知道模板怎么用不会雷同呐~~~~~帮你顶~~

starkitty · 发表于 2011-4-17 10:36:59

同期待NN点评~！

cgzjessieli · 发表于 2011-4-17 20:25:42

怎么没有NN来呢？

cgzjessieli · 发表于 2011-4-20 15:41:30

怎么都没有人来呢？就快考试了，不知道可不可以就这样写啊！！上火啊~~~

自己定吧！

cgzjessieli · 发表于 2011-5-4 11:37:49

晕啊~~~没人来指点迷今年！！急啊，要考试啦~~这么写到底行不行呢

请NN们帮我看看我的处女AA吧？谢谢！！

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