两次作文都只有三分 大家能否来看看我写的作文 有什么问题 万分感谢了

A new restaurant is said to be built in our community issued by recently, which is been widely discussed by people lived in the neighborhood. As for me, I consider that it will benefit us a lot if the restaurant is constructed, that’s the reason why I strongly support it.

To begin with, it will provide a new place for people to eat, which contribute greatly to the convenience of the people. Nowadays, there is not any restaurant in our circumstance. When we felt hungry, we can only make by ourselves or eat in some snacks aside the streets which are usually unhealthy for us. For the construction of a new restaurant, we will be not busy preparing for three meals everyday any more, and we will eat plenty of fresh foods to improve the quantity of life. What's more, the addition of the restaurant will provide a place for us to communication. For example, the neighbors can talk about the latest news, share the interests and so on in the restaurant.

Apart from the merits above, it will also offer a large number of work positions for the people surrounded and stimulate the economy growth in the local eara. With the construction of restaurant, it is undeniable that the manager, waiters, cleaners should be employed from the local people, which will apply numerous opportunities to the person who is out of job. Additionally, along with the appearance of the restaurant, some other public places will be needed, such as groceries, super markets, theaters, shopping centers and so on, all of which will produce huge commercial profits.

Honestly speaking, it is not without its deficiency. The floating population resulted in would have an unfavorable influence to the security of the neighborhood, by which is worried. It is widely acknowledged that the beautiful environment, the law and order will be challenged by the growing number of people. As a result. it seems that to build the restaurant goes into a dilemma.

However, apparently though the drawback of the construction of restaurant enjoys is, it cannot compared with the merits of it brings about, when the commercial profits and the convenience for the residents are taken into consideration. Just as an old saying goes "everything has two sides", we cannot take too many emphasis on the disadvantages of construction the restaurants which are the relatively inferior to the virtues of it.  We can strength the local management to solve the problems, about which probable would bring. Consequently, from what we discussed above, I cannot support the idea of building a new restaurant any more..

语法上好像有满多错的，如果不是并列一个句子里不应该有那么多不是做修饰的动词

不知道是不是那么说，我语法也不大好

而且感觉有背模板

尤其everything has tow sides 这样的

表达感觉中国式，看下ETS的反问范文其实并不是用很复杂的巨石

However, apparently though the drawback of the construction of restaurant enjoys is....宾语, it cannot compared 过去？with the merits of it brings about, when the commercial profits and the convenience for the residents are taken into consideration（不是应该还有个从句吗。。这样句子只写了一半）. Just as an old saying goes "everything has two sides", we cannot take too many emphasis on the disadvantages of construction the restaurants which are the relatively inferior to the virtues of it.  We can strength the local management to solve the problems, about which probable would bring宾语. Consequently, from what we 完成时discussed above, I cannot support the idea of building a new restaurant any more..ANY MORE是又，再的意思，前文好像没有提及过去不支持，

这样总结还是没有说清楚到底是支持还是反对，因为前后意见有点矛盾

我语法也很差，完全凭借语感改的，改错不要介意

OG里有段

说评分人员不会看到赘述的表达，也就是描述了很多利弊重要性却没有举出例子，这我觉得是LZ一个除了语法问题外的重要问题

What's more, the addition of the restaurant will provide a place for us to communication

communicationX

举例不合适,For example, the neighbors can talk about the latest news, share the interests and so on in the restaurant.

neighbors 不适合.按李笑来老师的话说你是不会其他表达了才用neighbors

谢谢大家的批评和建议

我会注意并改正的

请问你在哪下的呢

我怎么没有找到啊