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求助 第一篇习作 大家提提建议吧 拜托了 TWE002

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楼主
发表于 2008-1-21 20:43:00 | 只看该作者

求助 第一篇习作 大家提提建议吧 拜托了 TWE002

第一篇习作,真希望高手帮忙修改修改啊!

我第一次考托福,希望大家提提建议!

晚生有礼了!

Do you agree or disagree with the followig statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

                    

When it comes to the argument "Wheather parents are the best teachers". I strongly agree to the fact that parents play the role as the best teachers in children's life .Children are affected by their parents ever since they come to the world. Even after thay enter schools, step into the society, they would still ask their parents for advices. During our life, we are influced by our parents from different aspects, in variaties of ways.

No one can deny that parents are the first teachers in our life. Ever since we are born, we begin to learn about the wonderful world. It is our parents who teach us how to speak, how to walk, how to express ourselves, and how to view this world. The influence of early education has always been life-long, so the effects our parents bring to us can sometimes determine our life.

In school, parents are still our best teachers.Even after the children grow up and step into the complex society, parents are always with us. When we come across problems, the first men we think of are our parents. They can provide precious experiences and valueble advices. Their love is generous, their door is open whenever we need. Their are more mature than we are, the experiences they share with us help us avoid erring in the same circumstances, which sometimes lead to regrets for the whole life.

Influences do not always come from giving advices or leading to the right direction.    Parents' attitudes towards life permeate their children's thoughts, their lifestyle affect children's behaviour. All this happen in a way which can not be sensed easily. Also, all this last during the childen's whole life.

From all the demonstrations above, we can easily come to the conclusion that parents are the best teachers. Parents influence us from different aspects, in different ways, ever since we are born, for a life-long time, whenever, wherever. So parents should give their children the highest quality education, only in this way can we expect a better future of our world.


[此贴子已经被作者于2008-1-21 20:55:03编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2008-1-22 02:27:00 | 只看该作者

When it comes to the argument "Wheather parents are the best teachers". I strongly agree to the fact that parents play the role as the best teachers in children's life .Children are affected by their parents ever since they come to the world. Even after thay enter schools, step into the society, they would still ask their parents for advices. During our life, we are influced by our parents from different aspects, in variaties of ways. (why do you switch from they/their to we/our?)

No one can deny that parents are the first teachers in our life. Ever since we are born, we begin to learn about the wonderful world. It is our parents who teach us how to speak, how to walk, how to express ourselves, and how to view this world. The influence of early education has always been life-long, so the effects our parents bring to us can sometimes determine our life.

In school,(during schooling) parents are still our best teachers.Even after the children grow up and step into the complex society, parents are always with us. When we come across problems, the first men we think of are our parents. They can provide precious experiences and valueble advices. Their love is generous, their door is open whenever we need. Their are more mature than we are, the experiences they share with us help us avoid erring in the same circumstances, which sometimes lead to regrets for the whole life.

Influences do not always come from giving advices or leading to the right direction.    Parents' attitudes towards life permeate their children's thoughts, their lifestyle affect children's behaviour. All this happen in a way which can not be sensed easily. Also, all this last during the childen's whole life.

From all the demonstrations above, we can easily come to the conclusion that parents are the best teachers. Parents influence us from different aspects, in different ways, ever since we are born, for a life-long time, whenever, wherever. So parents should give their children the highest quality education, only in this way can we expect a better future of our world.
        

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 13:40:00 | 只看该作者
谢谢啊!我还想问一下,我觉得此文中用they,we都不太合适,用they显得自己不属于被父母教导,但如果前一句中用children后面用we也没有用they合适,应该如何处理比较好呢?
地板
发表于 2008-1-23 06:45:00 | 只看该作者
actually this is a pretty good writing. I will give 28/29 if I were the grader.

don't worry about the 1st/3rd person. Just keep it consistent all the way.
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