005 我的第一篇，希望大家给点意见，

005 A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

Whether building a large factory near my community is hot topic lately around our neighborhood. There are many people who advocate building it, while others are considering that building a large factory is not very good. If I would face to this issue, I would prefer to build a factory near my community, for the factory can provide a lot of job opportunities to our neighborhood, and the tax from the factory will benefit to the welfare of my community.

Nowadays many people lost their jobs in my community because the economics reasons, which makes the economics of my community worse. If the factory is built near my community, many people in my community will get the opportunities to work. First, the factory needs a lot of workers. Second, the factory will increase lots of local businesses, such as restaurants, supermarkets, theaters, and hospitals. These local businesses also offer many jobs to our neighborhood.

If the factory is built here, it will not only improve the economics of my community by offering lots of job opportunities, but also benefit to the welfare by paying a big amount of tax every year. We can use this money to build schools, enlarge library and hospital, improve roads, and provide financial aid to low income families. Everybody will benefit  a lot from these welfares.

Some people worry about that building a large factory near my community will probably bring some inconveniences, such as noise and pollution. For this, I would like to say: First, since the potential location for factory is a little bit far from the residence area, and the noise of the factory is not very loud, the noise is not big problem; Second, the factory will apply the high technology to avoid the 97% pollution. Compared to the economics and welfare benefits to our community, don’t you think these inconveniences are just a little bit cost for the benefits? Anyway, “No pains, no gains!”

To sum up, given reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely arrive the conclusion that building a large factory near my community is better.

Whether building a large factory near my community is hot topic lately around our neighborhood. There are many people who advocate building it, while others are considering that building a large factory is not very good. If I would face to this issue, I would prefer to build a factory near my community, for the factory can provide a lot of job opportunities to our neighborhood, and the tax from the factory will benefit to the welfare of my community.

Nowadays many people lost their jobs in my community because (of) the economics reasons, which makes the economics of my community worse. If the factory is built near my community, many people in my community will get the opportunities to work. First, the factory needs a lot of workers. Second, the factory will increase(bring) lots of local businesses, such as restaurants, supermarkets, theaters, and hospitals. These local businesses also offer many jobs to our neighborhood(’s people)

If the factory is built here, it will not only improve the economics of my community by offering lots of job opportunities, but also benefit to the welfare by paying a big amount of tax every year. We can use this money to build schools, enlarge library and hospital, improve our roads, and provide financial aid to low income families. Everybody will benefit a lot from these welfares.

Some people would worry about that building a large factory near my community will probably bring some inconveniences, such as noise and pollution. For this, I would like to say: First, since the potential location for factory is a little bit far from the residence area, and the noise of the factory is not very loud, (the noise is not big problem 2个句子无连词还是不要算了); Second, the factory will apply the high technology to avoid almost 97% pollution(pollution不用特指吧？而且对理科来说，我想用almost比较科学). Compared to the economics and welfare benefits to our community, don’t you think these inconveniences are just a little cost for the benefits? Anyway, “No pains, no gains!”

To sum up, given reasons discussed above, which （？？不太理解，这句特别是which的用法） sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely arrive the conclusion that building a large factory near my community is better.

总体不错，5分是没有问题的。

fjmaple,非常感谢你的点评----我看过好几篇你给人家essay的点评了，都很中肯，你真是一个好人

关于你的修改意见：First, since the potential location for factory is a little bit far from the residence area, and the noise of the factory is not very loud, (the noise is not big problem 2个句子无连词还是不要算了);我想，since 应该是连词吧，同because

至于结尾那段，嘿嘿，不好意思，那是抄的redpassion前辈的，因为我写作文太慢，所以想用这么一个万能结尾。好像是说“以上这些理由综合在一起形成一个有机整体更有说服力”

还有，你给我打了5，真的好高兴啊！我从来都没打过5分，呜呜....

真的很谢谢你的鼓励，我一定要更加努力的练习

因为我是5分的水平，呵呵，我当时没有什么准备，就背了2篇作文，临时模拟了2篇。到考试时候况且当时30分钟很匆忙。如果你能在30分钟内完成，绝对是长江后浪推前浪，前浪死在沙滩上。